Ramblings about Health

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and hypothyroidism.    Both cause fatigue and aches and pains and I usually don't know which disease is causing what.   I've had Rheumatoid Arthritis for about 17 or 18 years now.   You know what I hate the most about R.A?   Surprisingly, it's not the pain.  It's the lack of energy and the fatigue that makes you feel like you could drop right where you're standing.   I've been told I have a high tolerance for pain and I guess with this disease, I'd have to.  I have days where I can barely walk because the pain is so bad.  I couldn't imagine if somebody without that high tolerance spent one day in my shoes.  

I work full time.  I have canes everywhere. One in my car, one at my desk at work, and more at home. Problem is that the cane rarely helps.   On the days when I need the cane most, I'm usually having an issue with my fingers, my hands or my wrists.  Hell, even my elbows too.  And that makes it hard to hold and use a cane.   

Now for the complaints...  If you go to a rheumatologist, first thing they'll do is tell you you're too fat and you need to lose weight.  Then they'll give you prednisone which is a steroid and makes you eat constantly and gain weight.  Where's the logic in that?     Then they'll give you medicines that lower your immune system so that's almost non-existent.   Now, if I wasn't around people all the time, I might be okay with that.  But I work in an office where people come in sick all the time. Hell, a few years ago, somebody had a cold or some respiratory funk but when it got to me, it turned in viral meningitis because of how screwed up my immune system is.  And doctors want me to lower my immune system voluntarily so I am at greater risk of getting sick and catching every germ work people have?   Yea, that's not happening.   Also, it has been my experience that these doctors won't give you pain medication because they want the arthritis drugs to do their thing.  so you end up in pain anyway.  

So in my opinion, rheumatologists suck.  They don't know what they're doing.  I've had them tell me "If you lose all that weight, you'll feel better."  Bullshit. I've lost the weight before. I got down to 170 something.  I was still in pain daily.    Which is I haven't seen a rheumatologist in years.   They give you drugs to make you fat, to get rid of your immune system and they insult you.  So yea, I have a problem with them.  

Now, I have a physical on Monday and I haven't had one in years because my previous doctor let me lapse on them. I was seeing her constantly for the thyroid issues before.  But this doc won't let me get by it.  I'm prepping for what she'll say.   She'll say I'm fat and I need to lose weight. I'll tell her about the R.A. and fatigue and no energy and pain, she'll give me a list of rheumatologists so I can go see one.   She'll probably put me on blood pressure medicine because I know my blood pressure will sky rocket just from being there.  

I digress....  the point of this post was that I'm tired of this disease.  if I get treated, I'll be put on drugs I don't agree with.  If I don't get it treated, I continue on as I am and potentially hear my doctor complain to me. 

The scientists and doctors need to come up with a different way to treat auto-immune diseases.  Stopping and/or lowering your immune system is not helpful in my opinion.   if I took the drugs they want me to, sure, my R.A.  might be better but then I'll be open to every germ, every cold, every type of flu, have the possibility to get meningitis again.  And that's not going to happen.  Meningitis terrified me.  It wasn't life threatening or anything.  It made me lose my mind.  and I won't go through that again.  so I deal with the pain of R.A. 

so yes, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  but I also work full time and I also have written like 7 or 8 books and countless poems, not to mention the countless books in progress (none of it published).  And I have this blog which I don't keep active as much I'd like.  so if I have any readers out there who wonder why I don't post often enough, now you know why. 

If you've read this far, well, I'm sorry this sort of turned into a bitch fest.  I just wanted to explain things and get thoughts written down..