Random Thoughts

Humans have come a long way since we first walked the earth.  We have cars, a roof over our heads that protect us from nature.   We have food and water readily available.  We don’t have to hunt for our food but some still do.  City folks don’t have to grow their own food because others will do that for them.  We have grocery stores to buy our food.   We have technology to talk to people around the world.  We can fly anywhere in the world and see far off places.   

Yes, we’ve come a long way.  BUT… and this is a big but.   We still have crime.  We still have violence.  We still have greed.  We still have hate.  We still have war.  Why?    Because humans will never change.  Yes, we walk upright, we wear fancy clothes, type on computers, keep our eyes glued to our smart phones before we drive somewhere in a fancy car.  Our technology has changed from the hammer and chisel or stone wheels or whatever.  But humans are the same from any time period.  

I’ve heard somewhere that when you are reincarnated, you have been sent back because you didn’t learn some lesson in your previous life.  If that’s true, it’s no wonder humans haven’t changed. Are we living the same lives over and over again, doomed to fail because we’ll never learn the lesson?  Will we never have peace when a person who fought a war in medieval times has been reincarnated and craves war again?  

We need new souls. They are few and far between.  We also need to learn our lesson.   War accomplishes nothing.  Violence accomplishes nothing.   People fight for what they believe in and those who don’t share the same beliefs are doomed. 
     
If reincarnation exists, then there will never be peace on earth because everybody will keep repeating the mistakes of the past.   

I hate politics

I hate politics. I hate talking about it so this is one of the few posts about politics you'll see on my blog. Talking about politics in my family only gets you angry. It's pointless. I have found I tend to disagree with my parents views so I refuse to talk about it with them. Why talk about politics when you don't get anything out of it? I guess those who like to debate things are the ones who discuss it the most. Obviously that's not me.

Here are my views... It doesn't matter who is president. People are either going to love or hate the president, no matter who is in office. You will always find something wrong with any president. Nobody is perfect but people seem to think that the president should be perfect. Presidents are humans, you idiots. Humans aren't perfect.

The President gets a lot of respect from me (usually) because it's the most stressful job in America. Put yourself in his shoes. He and his family are in the public's eye 24/7. Even after he leaves the office. The president is insulted daily by narrow minded people who think they can do a better job. I have news for you. It's a hard job. Nobody is going to be the best at it. Not you. Not me. Nobody.  

Why do I think it doesn't matter who is president? Because if you try your best at something, somebody is going to find flaws in it. you pass a law, and the U.S.A is going shit all over the law that you thought was a good thing. You create something that helps millions of Americans? Good for you! But don't expect the americans to thank you or agree with you. Being a president sucks. Debating about who should be president is pointless. We haven't even narrowed down the tons of people who want to run for president and I'm already tired of hearing about them. I'm even tired of this post. so I'm just going to end this.

I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. If you disagree with anything I say, Please don't start arguing with me about it. I will ignore you.

Ramblings about Health

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and hypothyroidism.    Both cause fatigue and aches and pains and I usually don't know which disease is causing what.   I've had Rheumatoid Arthritis for about 17 or 18 years now.   You know what I hate the most about R.A?   Surprisingly, it's not the pain.  It's the lack of energy and the fatigue that makes you feel like you could drop right where you're standing.   I've been told I have a high tolerance for pain and I guess with this disease, I'd have to.  I have days where I can barely walk because the pain is so bad.  I couldn't imagine if somebody without that high tolerance spent one day in my shoes.  

I work full time.  I have canes everywhere. One in my car, one at my desk at work, and more at home. Problem is that the cane rarely helps.   On the days when I need the cane most, I'm usually having an issue with my fingers, my hands or my wrists.  Hell, even my elbows too.  And that makes it hard to hold and use a cane.   

Now for the complaints...  If you go to a rheumatologist, first thing they'll do is tell you you're too fat and you need to lose weight.  Then they'll give you prednisone which is a steroid and makes you eat constantly and gain weight.  Where's the logic in that?     Then they'll give you medicines that lower your immune system so that's almost non-existent.   Now, if I wasn't around people all the time, I might be okay with that.  But I work in an office where people come in sick all the time. Hell, a few years ago, somebody had a cold or some respiratory funk but when it got to me, it turned in viral meningitis because of how screwed up my immune system is.  And doctors want me to lower my immune system voluntarily so I am at greater risk of getting sick and catching every germ work people have?   Yea, that's not happening.   Also, it has been my experience that these doctors won't give you pain medication because they want the arthritis drugs to do their thing.  so you end up in pain anyway.  

So in my opinion, rheumatologists suck.  They don't know what they're doing.  I've had them tell me "If you lose all that weight, you'll feel better."  Bullshit. I've lost the weight before. I got down to 170 something.  I was still in pain daily.    Which is I haven't seen a rheumatologist in years.   They give you drugs to make you fat, to get rid of your immune system and they insult you.  So yea, I have a problem with them.  

Now, I have a physical on Monday and I haven't had one in years because my previous doctor let me lapse on them. I was seeing her constantly for the thyroid issues before.  But this doc won't let me get by it.  I'm prepping for what she'll say.   She'll say I'm fat and I need to lose weight. I'll tell her about the R.A. and fatigue and no energy and pain, she'll give me a list of rheumatologists so I can go see one.   She'll probably put me on blood pressure medicine because I know my blood pressure will sky rocket just from being there.  

I digress....  the point of this post was that I'm tired of this disease.  if I get treated, I'll be put on drugs I don't agree with.  If I don't get it treated, I continue on as I am and potentially hear my doctor complain to me. 

The scientists and doctors need to come up with a different way to treat auto-immune diseases.  Stopping and/or lowering your immune system is not helpful in my opinion.   if I took the drugs they want me to, sure, my R.A.  might be better but then I'll be open to every germ, every cold, every type of flu, have the possibility to get meningitis again.  And that's not going to happen.  Meningitis terrified me.  It wasn't life threatening or anything.  It made me lose my mind.  and I won't go through that again.  so I deal with the pain of R.A. 

so yes, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  but I also work full time and I also have written like 7 or 8 books and countless poems, not to mention the countless books in progress (none of it published).  And I have this blog which I don't keep active as much I'd like.  so if I have any readers out there who wonder why I don't post often enough, now you know why. 

If you've read this far, well, I'm sorry this sort of turned into a bitch fest.  I just wanted to explain things and get thoughts written down..

Complaints about books

I love reading and I read a lot.  I'll read free books and ones that cost money if they sound good to me.   One thing that turns me off of buying a book is the length.  If it's less than 100 pages, I'm not paying for it (if it's free, I'll think about downloading it).   If it's less than 200 pages and costs 4.99 and up, it's doubtful I'll pay for it.  It has to be a part of a series and I really have to want it to make it okay for paying that much for a book that's not that long.    I have stopped reading series of books because the length is no longer there.

It seems like more often these days, authors are writing serials where you pay 99 cents or more for short segments of books.  I hate that.   Luckily, there are authors who after providing a serial will put the book together when they are done and offer it as one whole book but there aren't enough people doing that.   While short serial type books seem to be popular and okay for a lot of people, I don't like them.

To me, if you publish something that's less than 100 pages, it's not really a book.  However, I've seen authors publish a 50 page story and call it a novel. 

I use Amazon when searching for books to download onto my ipad.  That's just a personal preference.  However, their advanced search leaves a lot to be desired.  I would like it if I could search for books based on length.  Just add another field to their field so it looks like Pages greater than and then you can type in the number.   I don't know what coding they would need to do on their end but I wish they would do it.   It would make me happy. 

Also, I would love it if authors didn't include the extra pages as their total page count. I want the number of pages of the actual story or the word count of the actual story.   I'd be good with word count too.  Too often, I buy a book and find it's actually shorter than what the description says.  I also find some books don't even include a length at all on the website.  Why not? 

I want to read books with a good length.  300 pages or around 80,000 words. I want to be able to search for full length novels. Actual novels and not serials.     I want the length of the book to be a requirement when you make it for sale on websites.  

Sigh.  Having so many short stories out there now, has made searcing for an actual book, somewhat of a chore.  If I find a story that sounds interesting, I look at the cost of the book. Then I look at how long it is.  Books under 100 pages aren't even considered.  Books under 200 pages, make me ask "Do I really want to spend three bucks on a short book?"   99 cents, I'll consider it more.  Hell, even 2.99 I'll consider buying it.  Anymore than that?  I'd have to really want the book.    

If you made it this far in this long rant, leave me a comment.  Tell me what you think.  I can't believe I'm alone in my need for longer books out there. 

What is the point

I hate when sadness rears it's ugly head. I'm down in the dumps and I can see where this feeling will take me. I have been holding it off for a while now, trying not to let it consume me. I think I'm failing.

I tell myself to think of brighter things, silver linings and all that. then I think, "What's the point?" Why struggle as hard as I am to pay bills? What is the point of it? Another one will just fill it's place. Why strive to be happy when there is that inevitable thing to drag you down into the darkness? Why bother taking medicine to take away the physical pain I feel on a daily basis when it will always be there for the rest of my life? Why quit smoking and eat healthy to extend my life when to be truthful, that is not what I want?

I know I have a better life than a lot of people. I know how lucky I am. that does not take away from the despair that I feel. I don't like it but I can't always stop it. The sadness has come for me like a theif in the night to make me wallow in my own doubts.

You may think I'm over the top. But I'm not. I've been here before. I know this feeling. I know I should ask my doctor for antidepressants. But what's the point? something will always bring me down and make me feel like I'm drowning in my own emotions and thoughts.

Let me tell you something about myself, if indeed anybody reads my blog, this may be a shock to some people. I have only told a select precious few people this thing.

In 1993, I had a nervous breakdown. I saw a psychiatrist 3 times a week for months. He diagnosed me with chronic depression and said I've probably been this way since childhood. I revealed to the shrink my thoughts that I never told anybody. He knew how bad off I was. He made me promise him that I wouldn't attempt suicide. I promised him and I broke that promise. Yes, on July 26th, 1993, I attempted suicide. Nobody in my family had ever seen a shrink before, let a lone do what I had done. so it was a quite a shock to my family.

Obviously, I lived through it. I often think back on those dark times of my life and do I regret it? No. I know that will be a shock to a lot of people. I can honestly say I do not regret it. The whole experience changed me and for the better. It changed my way of thinking. It changed my personality. It changed ME.

When I think back upon the experience when I am feeling low and depressed as I am, I know I will rise above it in time. I don't see myself ever attempting suicide again. No matter how depressed I get. I know it won't happen. It may be odd but it gives me comfort.

I may cry, I may weep and curse my pains and life. But I will live through it and endure for this is who I am. Do not worry for me, or weep for me. I do that enough. I will go on struggling to pay bills. I will go on working even though I wish I could curl up into a ball and weep. I will live my life for I have no other choice.

I have not cried today. That is suprising to me. I don't think I'll cry at all. What would be the point? I typed this post up to vent, and get things out of my head. If you read it, I thank you. But don't worry about me. I will live. I will work and I will play. I will laugh again someday. I may cry again too. Just not today. What would be the point of either?

Ramblings and Pet Peeves

Good morning weird people.  Today's post is just little stuff that has been irking me lately (as if I don't have enough stuff to irk me).

 

First off is the Prince's wedding.  Why is this such a big deal?  I didn't care when Diana married the goon, so why should I care that her son is getting married?  I'm pretty much glued to Syfy channel until it's all over with.

 

Secondly... who decided to split up the seasons on TV shows?   I miss the days where the TV Season was September to April or May. Now, they have it so broken up, each channel has their season schedule and sometimes each tv show is different too.  I don't like it.  no sir...

 

I'm also tired of people who think their problems, their wants and needs trumps everybody else's.   What about me? Guess I don't matter to certain people.  

 

On a related note, I'm tired of holding onto things.  Grudges, hurt feelings, anger.     I'm going to try and let it all go.  Not let it bother me any longer.  Easier said than done, I know but I'm going to try.  Because, damn it!  I'm sick of it.  

 

I'm also tired of the pain from the arthritis. I'm not going to see a Rheumatologist just yet. I despise them.  I'm also not going to take drugs that suppress my immune system.  I don't agree with that line of thinking because it opens you up to a whole world of illnesses. So that leaves me with natural remedies.  I am not changing my diet.  I'm sorry but I can't bring myself to cut out every food I like.  If I did that for the R.A. and the hypothyroidism, I'd be eating rice cakes 24/7. blech.  I did look into magnet therapy yesterday.  You can buy bracelets, anklets, and small magnets to tape onto various body parts.  Supposedly, it's suppose to balance things out and help.  not sure how but couldn't hurt to try.  I'm also going to try (once again) to take a multi-vitamin every day.  I'm on day 2.    I remembered to take it 2 whole days in a row!  lol  

 

Let's see what else.  Oh, I'm also pretty sick of rude and bad drivers.   if there's 5 feet between me and the car in front of me, that does not mean you can squeeze your big ass Explorer in there.  dipweed.  And,  here's a tip. if you are in the left hand lane and you need to turn right at the next light, don't cut off everybody and basically go across 3 lanes.   Everybody has to make sure the brakes are good on the cars for people like you.   

 

I think I've rambled on enough.  What irritates you?

A Rant, A vent and a whimper

I don't normally use this blog for ranting. I tried to save it for my writing and my weird dreams. However, I think I need to do some writing of a different kind.

A normal day for me is the fatigue with a joint or four hurting. It's not the pain of Rheumatoid Arthritis that gets to me, it's the fatigue. Fatigue is the biggest part in my book of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Now I also have hypothyroidism and fatigue is a side effect of that too. So I get it two fold and it sucks big time. I really hate it. Most days, I don't know how I get through a work day at all. but I do it. I work full time at an office and some days I do a lot of walking somehow. Other days, I can't seem to move from my desk. Somebody have caffeine to help them out but not me. I don’t get that awake feeling that other people get. I wish I did.

Sad to say that those are normal days for me. Now add to it a cold. If a normal person gets a cold, they'd be annoyed but survive the days. I have a cold on top of my fatigue and I'm just dragging... more so than usual. Runny nose, sore throat, some coughing and sneezing and I dozed off in the chair for a bit because I'm just so tired.

I do get depressed from time to time because this fatigue gets so old after dealing it day in and day out. Today, I actually want to cry and keep crying until somebody tells me it’ll be alright. But it won’t be alright. That’s not a new revelation for me; I’ve always known it won’t be alright. Maybe that’s why I get depressed. Maybe depressed is the wrong word for it, maybe sad is better.

I know a lot of people with my issues and worse are out there living their life and dealing with it. Well good for them, I’m really happy for them. But I’m not them. I’m having a hard time and most people will never know it because I tend to hide things very well. I always have hidden myself from others but I’m slowly changing that… or trying to.

Tonight, just for tonight, I’m going to cry a bit and wait for better days. So I’ll go, take my cold and my issues and sit in the recliner and cry and just let it out. It’s been a while since I’ve done that.

A Date to Remember

I'm at my desk at work and I have one of those day calendars that still had Friday the 10th as the date. I flipped forward a couple of days to today's date and realized today is an anniversary of sorts. One year ago today, right about at this time, my parents were trying to get in touch with me. I do remember my mom on the cell phone saying "Stay where you are. Dad's on his way." Next thing I remember is opening the front door to see a bald police man standing there with paramedics behind him and my dad behind them. Evidently, it took them a lot of talking to convince me to open the door. Then I remember being on the stretcher and in the ambulance on my way to the hospital.

One year ago today, I had Viral Meningitis. Doctors at the time that I was admitted, didn't know if I had Encephalitis, Bacterial or Viral Meningitis. They didn't actually say it was Viral Meningitis until the 3rd day I was in the hospital. They were close to saying I had Encephalitis which is worse.

I know I need to let go of what happened but look at it from my point of view. It was the first time I had ever stayed in a hospital, I literally lost my mind and didn't know who anybody was and didn't know how to do simple things like turn the heat down or put a barrette in my hair. I had a fever of 102 and my normal temp is around 96 so I was very delirious. I also lost 9 pounds in the 4 days I was in the hospital because I couldn't keep anything down. I have very few memories of my battle with meningitis but what I do remember, I wish I didn't.

I had to be restrained in the hospital bed because I kept trying to leave. I remember those straps on my wrists and ankles. I believe I also had to be sedated. I remember the Doctors asking me what the date was and I said February 2005. I remember seeing my Dad burst into tears by my bed.

I also remember saying "I love you" a lot. According to my family, I said it to everybody who came near me. Doctors, nurses, and family members. That's the only good thing that happened.
After being admitted Sunday to the hospital, I was released the following Wednesday. I was only released because I forced myself to eat and was lucky enough the food stayed down. I was so exhausted and had no energy. I remember my parents taking me to the pharmacy on the way home from hospital, but don't remember for what medication.

I was out of work for about a month because of this sickness. Even though the meningitis was gone, I still had no energy and took many naps during the day and still had a headache from it. Then of course there were the many follow up appointments with my own doctor who had to run her own tests and be sure I was okay.

I was supposed to be on vacation April 13th through the 18th last year. I was supposed to go pick up my parents and we were going to drive to Las Vegas. So when I didn't show up at my parents doorstep, they called me. If they hadn't called me and figured out something was wrong, then who knows what would have happened. I had kept telling my mom that I had to go work and that's why she kept telling me to stay where I was. If I had gotten behind the wheel in that state of mind, I surely would have caused an accident.

It took me nearly all year to get over the fear of getting sick again. Scratch that, I'm not over that fear. I will always be afraid of getting Viral Meningitis again but now, at least I can shake a person's hand. The doctors told me that somebody probably had a cold or respiratory infection and when it got to me, my screwed up immune system mutated it and turned into the meningitis. Because of that, I will always have that fear of getting sick again.

I will always remember April 2008. I will always remember what it did to me and my family. In the future, I will try not to get choked up when remembering what happened.

Happiness is....

Happiness is discovering that the abscess has reduced and basically gone away on it's own so I don't have to go to the dentist this week.

Yesterday, I found an abscess on my upper gum near a bad tooth. I knew I had to call a dentist and make an appointment. Sounds easy, right? Well, add in a fear of dentists and the unnatural needles in mouths and what not, and it's not easy anymore. I was dreading it.
Well, I settled on a dentist to call, took a couple advil and went to bed. This morning, the abscess was still there at 5am. I took a couple more advil, rinced my mouth with warm water and strong mouth wash (oh that burned!!!) and by 7am, I thought "am I imaging things or is the abscess smaller?" by 9am, the abscess was gone completely.

So I am happy! I get to put off a trip to the dentist until next week. It was just bad timing this week because I'm swamped at work! and really, that's not just an excuse. just too many things going on at work.

Just thought I'd share a bit of happiness...

Just when you think you are over something, it comes back to scare you

As my friends may remember, in April 2008, I had viral meningitis which hospitalized me for 4 days and made me miss work for 4 weeks. As a result of that, I became afraid to touch people or touch things they touched in case there were germs on them. I have a screwed up immune system and the doctors said that somebody probably had a cold at work or at a grocery store, and because I'm screwed up, my body turned it into viral meningitis. So I did whatever I could to avoid being around sick people and kept hand santizers with me at all times. I didn't even want to hug my niece and nephews because let's face it, kids are germ factories.

I forced myself to get over that fear that I could get meningitis from anybody or anything at anytime. I realized I didn't have any control over it and if it happens again, it just happens. I thought I was okay with it. Until now..

Yesterday morning I woke up with a cold. sore throat, runny nose, fever. Immediately my fears came rushing back at me. I calmed myself after reviewing my symptoms and reminded myself that it's just a cold. Then later in the day, I had an upset stomach and a headache and a sore neck, just like I did with the meningitis. I took my temperature constantly yesterday. Even this morning, first thing I did was take my temperature and make sure I could move my neck alright.

I took yesterday off from work but I’m at work now for a half day. As I write this, I’m wishing I had my thermometer with me. A normal temp for me is 96 degrees. When I had meningitis, my temp soared to 102. Yesterday, it was 98.1. so I had a small fever yesterday. Today, no fever but still I want that thermometer to be sure. lol

I hate having this fear that I'll get meningitis again. I don't wish that sickness on anybody. When I had it, I was literally out of my mind. I remember bits and pieces of that time but what I do remember, I don't like. If it had just attacked my body, I wouldn't still be afraid. It's the fact that it attacked my mind too. I don't want to lose my mind again.

I haven't told my parents that I have a cold because they share the same fears I do. I am still fighting my fears. I know that a majority of the people who had Viral Meningitis never get it again but I know people who have had it more than once. And since I'm soooooo lucky to have a screwed up immune system, chances are I'll get it again.

So I am struggling with my own fears today and the fears will probably always come up whenever I get a cold or something else And that makes me sad. I need to learn to deal with this. Since I'm taking a half day from work, I am going to go to the grocery store on my way home and get some medicine and try not to think about the germs on the shopping carts.

Confidence has escaped me

I'm having a no confidence day today. I try to read something on the internet and get confused, don't understand what I'm reading. A website says they are explaining things in layman's terms and yet, I still don't understand what I'm reading. It makes me feel like an idiot. So I've lost confidence in my mental status.

I had been thinking about treating myself to new shoes this weekend since my one pair of shoes, sneakers, have holes in the top of them. I started thinking about what kind of shoes I'd be able to get. Well, heels are not an option becuase I need something with a lot of cushion in the balls of the feet. Plus, due to my extra wide feet, I can barely find any pair of shoes that fit. So the shoes have to be extra wide. And I have to be able to wear them all day long without foot pain because of my arthritis. So all those factors limit what kind of shoes I can buy. So me spending a day trying on hundred pairs of shoes just to find one pair that fits, does not sound like a treat. So my confidence about shopping is gone.

And besides all that, despite the scale saying 159.5 this morning, I'm feeling fat right now and depressed. I hate my feet. I hate my body. I hate my mental inability to think things through. I was actuall on the verge of tears earlier because I felt so stupid.

To top it off, my birthday is saturday and I'm turning 37. This is going to sound totally selfish but I don't care. Normally, my family has emailed me by now because they want to take me out to dinner or have dinner at their house. Nobody has mentioned a damned thing which is not like them. Did I royally piss them off or something? I will never know because they don't talk about their feelings with me. My family doesn't make it easy to talk to them. Which is why I always write. Whether it's in a private journal or online somewhere. So now, I feel stupid, fat, clown feet, and over emotional. Just lovely..

Oh, I have an idea now. I'll stop at the liquor store tomorrow and get some bloody mary fixings. I have all sorts of liquor here at home (don't know why, since I really don't drink by myself). So maybe that will be my treat to myself. Bloody Marys since I'm so bloody stupid. Yea.. lovely..

If the rare readers I do have, have made it this far... sorry about the negative post but we can't be all sunshine and flowers all the time.

What a crummy way to start a day

I booted up my computer and started loading some pictures off my camera onto the computer. I noticed the desktop background wasn't showing up so I navigated to where the picture was and it was still there. I tried to make it the background picture but it wouldn't let me. so I selected another picture and it worked fine. I opened windows explorer and started looking at the picture folder. Yea, I still had everything and my pictures loaded off the camera card just fine. I suddenly notice that there's a picture folder in my music folder. I go look there and all my pictures are there. I go back to the original picture folder and the pictures are gone.

Now, last night, I accidently moved the pictures but I caught that and pressed cancel and everything was fine. This morning, that's not the case. Crap. I tried to move the pictures back to the original location but it won't let me. And every time it gave me an error saying it wouldn't do it, my pictures disappeared!! I couldn't find them anywhere. So I did a system restore thinking that would put things back the way they were but nooooooooooo Now, I don't have any pictures at all and the ones I just uploaded off the camera were gone and they're not on the camera card either. And they were 23 new pictures of Pipsqueek being cute and active and they were adorable pictures!! and now they're gone!! Damn!

Crap. So, my computer threw up. Decided all my pictures were not worthy to be on it, I guess. So, every picture I've ever taken and acquired off the internet or created myself are gone. Stupid doodoo kaka pooopoo!!

To top it off, I tried to eat my breakfast earlier, and I nearly threw up. So I'm not having a good day already. I'm supposed to leave for work now. I'm dressed and ready to go. But if my home computer crap and how I feel are a sign of things to come. Maybe I'll just stay home. I've been sick for the past few days and still waiting to hear back from doctor's office when I contacted them yesterday. My face as gone from hot to the touch an hour ago to now it feels chilled like chicken fat. I should stay home.

Nah... I'll just go to work and if needed I'll take a half day. I was going to take a half day yesterday but didn't. I should today.
Well, gotta go. Just wanted to vent about stupid piece of crap computer. Hope the day gets better.

Change in plans... I just tried to get my coat on and couldn't even do that. I put one arm through a sleeve just fine. I put the other arm in the other sleeve and the arm came out the bottom of the coat. I tried it again and got the same result. I took the coat off and threw it on the floor. Held back the tears of frustration and said. That's it. If I can't put a coat on, I can't go to work. I picked up my cell phone to call my boss but didn't think I should talk to him while angry so I emailed him. "I had been fighting myself on whether or not to go to work since I still feel crummy and when I couldn't even put a stupid coat on myself, I decided that's it. If I can't even function enough to put a damn coat on, I shouldn't go to work. "
I'm so frustrated I want to cry.

Updated: I found the pictures! They are buried deep in a folder within another folder within another folder and on and on. C:\Users\Kd\Music\Pictures\Pictures\Pictures\Pictures\

So now, I am putting them in a zip file and I'll save it to disk or something and then try to move the pictures again. if this doesn't work, I'll just delete the blasted things. lol