Shock to the heart

My mom is having problems getting her medications figured out. Last week, her blood thinner id was 3.9 and it needs to be between 2 and 3. Today, it was 1.5. so, they have to fiddle around with her meds again to get it right. Then, next Tuesday, she has to get a cardioversion done to get her heart back to a normal rhythm. I found this website which has a lot of good information about cardioversion. I always read up on anything medical because it helps me not only to understand what is going on but it makes me feel better as well. Although sometimes, it does cause more stress and worry by reading these things, I still would rather know than not know anything. So I sent that link to my family and also copied one part

"Because of residual effects of the anesthetic medications used, patients are advised not to drive or make any important decisions for the rest of the day. A responsible adult should be available to provide transportation home."

And then I said, "So mom is not allowed to drive or make any decisions and Do we have a responsible adult available? LOL"

I have to include a bit of humor in things otherwise we'd go nuts. I'm stressed enough as it is, so humor helps to ease it a bit.

Just thought I'd give an update to any readers I might have.

Update on Mom

my dad sent an email earlier "Dr. visited at 5PM. Mom will be on Diuretics and two heart meds,one for blood pressure control the other for heart rate control and Heparinto thin her blood. The underlying cause(s) are fluid build up, uncontrolledfibrillation hat might be fixed with a small shock later when she is morestable and a partially occluded heart artery. There will be a heart cathlater when the blood thinner levels are finally adjusted to address the POSSIBLE blockage. She might go home tomorrow."

Of course we all want to know what has caused this episode and heart trouble and just saying fluid build up is not a cause. what caused the fluid build up? I'm keeping quiet but one sister and my aunt have replied to all asking those questions and they feel like the cardiologist is just treating the symptoms and not looking for the source. To us, this means that mom will go home thinking nothing is wrong and she'll go back to her old ways.

I know my mom wants to come home but we all feel (except maybe dad of course) that she should stay there in the hospital another couple of days so they can find the darn cause of this crud. She's never had a heart attack and there's no scarring on her heart (test says so). so we know that's not a cause. If it's a blockage, they need to look for it and find that now instead of putting it off. She was supposed to have a Trans Esophogeal Electrocardigram test today but they cancelled that for unknown reasons. It's a good hospital, but either Dad isn't telling us everything or the doctor is not doing everything.

I haven't seen Mom today, I was a walking zombie all through work and felt I needed to go directly home instead of to hospital. Even now, I'm just too tired to think anymore..

I give up on trying to understand anything.. I'll just step away from the computer and maybe go to bed 3 hours early.

Waiting for News

UPDATED: LATEST EMAIL FROM DAD.... Dr. (Cardiologist) put Mom on 2.o liters of Oxygen down from 7.5 liters as a test and wants her to walk the hallway to see what happens.Will continue meds to reduce fluid build up. Stress test showed no scar onthe heart, no heart attack. Heart rate down to 100 or so.No T.E.E. procedure, cancelled. Will continue on blood thinner. MAY be sprung tomorrow, with more tests to come after getting stabilized with all her new meds. Lunch now after another 18 hour fast, then shower."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Below are just a few email updates from my Dad who got his laptop going at the hospital yesterday. We are basically still waiting for news from the doctors. Waiting Sucks! I didn't sleep well last night. Got to sleep around midnight and woke up at 4:15 am. I kept dreaming that my cell phone was ringing and I even got up at 1:45am to check my cell phone (no calls). Here I am at work, until 4pm (hopefully I can leave at 3pm but still waiting for word from boss who is in an airplane on his way to headquarters). Once I leave work, I'll go directly over to the hospital to see Mom and visit with her. I'll cut the visit short tonight since I know I'm going to be so exhausted by then.

When I saw Mom last night, her color appeared better and she could go up to 1000 on the breathing spirometer thinga-ma-jig. Her heart rate was still high but she appeared to be better already. I hope she continues to feel better. I'll post more when I hear anything, if I'm still awake, that is.

Email from 8:30am 1-22-08
Nothing new from the doctors as of 8 AM. Mom slept well but still has a high pulse rate. Hoping to see a cardiologist sooooon. The Trans Esophogeal Electrocardigram procedure is pending.... No food since 6 PM lastnight...again.... will update when things change.

Email from 2:45pm 1-21-08
Mom had her PIC dressing and site cleaned and redressed. Then had a shotof Heparin and a dose of Levaquin (antibiotic). We are waiting for resultsfrom stress test. The Cardiologist will read after hours, he's in his officeright now.

Email from 2pm 1-21-08
Mom had a resting stress test this morning, the active test was cancelledby the doctor. She is scheduled for a "T.E.E" Trans Esophogeal Elecrocaridgram tomorrow morning. Her heart muscle is weak, the heart rateat 132 at lunch time.She's taking Potassium, LASIX, Furosemide,Digoxin, Vasotec, Aldactone,Coumadin (Wafrin) and a few other things, I missed in additin to her regularmeds.There is talk of a heart cath, but it won't happen while her blood thinnerid high. The cath may show a blockage or other problem that will be addressed. It's hard to digest the info as it comes fast & furious. I'll piece more together as best I can.

I cried today...

I just got off the phone with my sister. They can't do the stress test because her heart is too weak due to a blockage. They can't go in and see where the blockage is via angiogram because she's on Blood thinners and they can't stop the blood thinners completely because of what's going on with her heart. They will take her off most of the blood thinners so that they can do angiogram. And if her heart rate doesn't go down today, they will shock her tomorrow to force it to sort of reset the heart rhythm.

The doctor said that given what my sisters told the doctor (stuff that my mom failed to mention), he thinks the blockage has been there for awhile. This means my mom ignored her damn health for years. Once they can get in and see where the blockage is and what kind it is, they'll know more and "if" they can even fix it. That was the doctor's wording. If...

That sent me to tears. My mom ignored her health and ignored the signs that something was wrong and because of it, her heart problems may be too bad to be fixed. It may be too late. So my sister and I cried for a minute on the phone together. then I thought I had my tears under control. Then she told me that Dad was up way too early this morning and he was wandering around the house, crying. That set me off again.

For years and years, my mom has always been after my dad to go to the doctor for every little thing and I've told her to go to the doctor or to ask her own doctor about stuff she'd ask me about. But did she ever discuss any of her own breathing issues or pains or bodily issues with her doctor? No. She ignored it. I'm so pissed off at her and myself as well.

So here I sit. Crying as I type. trying to digest the news. anger and sadness run rampant through me. I want to go see her but I don't think I should since I've had a runny nose all morning long. If I'm catching a cold, I don't want to spread any germs on her. On the plus side, Mom is feeling a bit better. The diuretics they gave her are working and she can breath a bit better. Yesterday she could only go up to 500 on the spirometer but today she can go up to 1000. I believe it's supposed to be around 2000 for healthy people. She did have a really horrrible bloody nose this morning and another doctor (ear, nose and throat doc) is going to see her to see what to do about that. 2nd bloody nose in 2 days.

Tears have dried a bit now, at least for a few minutes. I need the courage to go over there and see her. My sister says even if I am getting a cold, just make sure I don't breath on her. But I think I'm too afraid to step into the hospital again. I'll wait a couple of hours and then see if I can gather up the strength and courage to go see her. It is evident now that she is not coming home this week.

on no, here come the tears again.

When a loved one is hurting

Friday the 18th, I was sitting at my desk at work and checked my email. One of my sister's said that Mom had been having breathing difficulties all week and is going to the urgent care clinic and then added at the end that parents changed their minds and were going to the Emergency room instead. So I waited impatiently for more news. About 20 minutes later, my sister called and said they were going to admit my mom into the hospital for Atrial Fiberillation. So I ran out of the office, drove down in record time to my aunt's house, picked her up and made it to the hospital to check on mom. Her resting heart rate was about 135 when I got there. When she got to ER it was 160. Normal resting heart rate is 60 to 80 beats per minute. Yesterday, her blood pressure was 174 over 93. So, lots of blood tests, x-rays, an EKG, an echocardigram, lots of medications, and impatiently waiting for more news... Today, I found out it's congestive heart failure but they still need to find out why and what the cause is. So there she lies, in the hospital bed, getting treated and not getting any sleep, waiting for more news and for numbers to go down. When I left today, her heart rate was about 105 and her blood pressure was 133 over 85. So while the medications they are giving her are making the numbers go down, she still doesn't feel any better. Shallow breathing and she can't catch her breathe, so she's been on oxygen since she got there.

Tomorrow, she'll undergo a medicated stress test since she can't take a normal stress test on a treadmill. She's exhausted and now nauseous from the potassium drink they give her. My dad is worried sick and ignoring his own health. Mom is 65 and dad is 63. They have been married since April 3, 1962. so 45 years together. We are all used to seeing my dad in and out of hospitals for various reasons and while my mom has had her share of hospital visits, this is unusual for her. So it's hard on all of us to see Mom like this and especially hard on my Dad. When you are married that long, your souls become so intertwined that when something like this happens, both of them feel it. So we have to watch out for Dad's well being too.

I know one sister has cried a lot and I know everybody is worried sick and scared as hell. I haven't cried which is a shock. I'm normally the one to cry about anything. I can feel the sobs that are stuck in my throat. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. but it receeds into the abyss and nothing happens. I am so scared that my mom won't follow the doctors instructions (no salt, sodium in anything, no more alcohol, and that's going to be the hardest on her). My mom is not an alcoholic by my definition but she has a drink nearly every day. She doesn't get to the drunk stage, just lightly buzzed. And I already heard her joke with the nurse to have them add tequila to the potassium liquid they make her drink.

I can't think straight. I can't seem to do any writing of my books or poetry. I just find myself sitting here at the computer, staring at it, or staring at the tv. I haven't even been to my usual forums and online friends except one spot. A quick hello and a huge thank you to my PTU family. You guys are the best and without you, I would truly be lost right now.
Since I haven't been to my usual sites, I thought I'd post everything here in case anyone actually does read my blog. I would never know since nobody ever comments on here even though I have open commenting so anybody in the world can comment. Just a pet peeve of mine regarding not hearing from people but that started with family and I'm trying my damnedest to stop that habbit and pet peeve. But come on, People!! Just post something, will ya?! Otherwise what's the bloomin' point of this blog?!!

sorry, sorry... didn't mean for to type that.. Like I said, can't think straight. How did a post about my mom turn into a complaint about comments? Geez... maybe I'm the one who needs a drink. I have wine that's been sitting in my pantry for over a year. Maybe I'll use it...

Anyways, if I hear anything new today, I'll post an update here and on PTU. Thanks to any readers for actually reading my babble.