Cleaning when you hurt

I have rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis and maybe even a touch of psoriatic arthritis.   What does that mean?  It means, I'm fatigued (imagine not sleeping for 72 hours.  that's how I feel all the time).  I have no energy at all.  and I'm in pain. A lot of pain most of the day.    I'm on medications but so far, they aren't helping.   So I resort to ibuprofen which isn't exactly good for you.  

Anyways, being in so much pain and so fatigued means my apartment is a mess.   Just standing and doing dishes for 10 minutes hurts like hell.    I just spent the last 10 minutes picking up small items off the floor or table and either throwing them away or putting them away.  The cost of that 10 minutes?  My back is screaming at me, my knees are cursing at me and body is craving caffeine to be injected through an IV.  

I have groceries to be put away (thank God there's grocery delivery).  I have to dust some more.  and I have a ton of shit to throw out. And that's just day to day stuff.  I also need to declutter my apartment to make it easier to clean and put things away.  My dinning room table collects the mail and other papers so I need to go through that. I have empty boxes to throw out. I have to vacuum and let's not even look at the kitchen floor. Plus, I really need to go through my clothes and get rid of a ton of stuff I don't wear.

The problem is the pain.  I have referrals in to see the orthopedic clinic and even a spine pain clinic.   so eventually, I hope to get help for the pain.  Until then, I need to come up with a plan of attack for the apartment.  I need to work in 5 to 10 minute breaks or learn to do stuff while sitting on my wheeled walker that has a built in seat. I also need to pick up a reacher grabber thingy.    I tried looking online for tips for cleaning while disabled but didn't find what I needed.

so Here's my plan:  

• clean 5 to 10 minutes.  Rest until pain lets up (probably a half hour or more).   then clean for another 5 to 10 minutes.   
• Don't make repeat trips.  Condense the trips.   Throw away stuff while you are on the way to put things away.  
• Also, maybe don't leave an area until you've done all you can do in that area. 
• Carry around a plastic grocery bag to put trash in, instead of walking back to the kitchen to throw stuff away. 
• Save bigger tasks for good days.  I can't vacuum today.  back hurts too much.  Don't try to vacuum the whole apartment at once either. 
• Sit as much as I can.   If something can be done while sitting, drag a chair over and do it.  

yea, that's my plan so far of just what I thought of in the past 20 minutes.    Moral of all this...  Pain sucks.  I may not look like I'm in pain (I hide it well.) but I'm miserable.   and yet, I still have to clean.  ugh..

Reader check and book update

Is anybody reading my blog?  If so, please comment, just to let me know that you've been here.

Also, for the readers, Since I've been laid off, I've been thinking of my books a lot.  I think I may attempt to publish this year.  I just need to tally the costs and see if I can swing it in my budget.  Unless somebody wants to donate using the go fund me site to the right or click this link (https://www.gofundme.com/publishmeplease)  I may not be able to budget publishing a book.  

However, I read through my old synopsis of my first choice of books to be published and I'm not sure I like it.  I think I need to rewrite it.  What do you folks think?  


The Perfect Time

When an infection hospitalizes Sarah, she begins speaking a strange language.   Sally, her best friend, records what she said and gets it translated with shocking results.   Once Sarah is released from the hospital, her friend tells her about the episodes of her speaking in tongues.   She learns she’s lived before in sixteenth century Scotland and was married to an abusive Laird.  Her 16th century version has secrets that may cause harm to her and the blacksmith known as Tanner.  Little did she know that the choice made in the sixteenth century would have repercussions today.

Genres:  Historical Romance, Past Lives, Romantic Comedy

Stress

 I was laid off of work for the first time ever. My last day was February 29th.  I've been panicky, depressed, angry, and stressed.  Stress is not good for my rheumatoid arthritis.  So yes, I was in pain too.  Probably more so than usual.  

When you are in pain every day, you learn to brush it off or hide it so others don't realize you're hurting.  I hide it very well and even manage to fool myself into thinking it's not that bad.  I didn't realize how much I fooled myself until I started to focusing on the symptoms.  

On Monday the 7th, I started a log .   It's just an excel spreadsheet where I list basic activities, pain level, where it hurts, etc.  

I only have four days worth of stuff and already it's made me think.  When you have to rate your pain level, it makes you ask yourself, why didn't I say anything sooner?  or Why didn't I get help?   Because I've learned to hide the pain, the fatigue, and all the other crap on a day to day basis.  With work, I always had something to distract me from how crappy I felt. Since I'm not working, well... no distractions and a lot of thinking.  Self realization.  

The thought of finding another job is scary.  it's terrifying to me.  I haven't had a job interview in nearly 18 years. I'm sure that it's normal to be scared and intimidated over the thought of looking for another job, getting those interviews. 

But I realized something else.   What is making me panic and stress is the thought of having to walk in a huge office.  How many steps to the bathroom?  What's the shortest route to the bathroom?  Would I be allowed to take frequent breaks?  Because I can't stay seated behind a desk for more than hour or my legs hurt and get stiff.  If I can't take frequent breaks, would my future boss think it's okay to wander around my cube or just to stand for a few minutes.  Speaking of standing, I can't stand longer than a half hour or my poor feet hurt worse. 

so yea, I have those thoughts going on.   The symptom log I started has made me realize that I shouldn't be hiding what Rheumatoid Arthritis is doing to me.  I haven't seen a rheumatologist in years and that's biting me in the ass now.  Why haven't I seen a RA doc?  Because I have had horrible luck with them and the medications they put you on are insane.   I know I have to find an RA Doc once my health insurance is figured out but I just hope he's going to listen to me. 

I won't go into my reason about why I don't like the medications or my history with RA docs. You can see my post from last year by clicking here.  So now, I need to find a rheumatologist who will listen to me and help me and that might take a while. 

Wish me luck!

Help me!

I have had  go fund me page active for a month and no donations yet.  I'm hoping i can keep it active. If not, I'll just keep creating a new one.   so here ya go.   Click on the link below to help me out!

https://www.gofundme.com/publishmeplease

Truthful Ramblings

We've all seen quotes about how the truth will set you free or the truth will prevail.  Those sort of quotes.   Personally, I don't believe it.  What one person sees as truth, another person will see as a lie. 

Opinions are freely given these days.  Unfortunately, I feel like some people believe their opinion is the truth of the matter.   Opinions interfere with everything.  

If two people witness the same event, their descriptions will come up differently.  And each person will believe they are telling the truth and the other person is wrong.  

People see things differently.  And because of this, the meaning of the word truth is messed up. That will not change.  

People often wish for world peace.   But I don't see this being possible because of what I said before.   Two sides of a war. Each side believing they are telling the truth of a matter and the other lies.  Who is right?  Who is wrong?   What one person sees as truth, another person will see as a lie. There is no truth in this instance.  Because of this, there can be no world peace.   

Are you honestly going to tell me that you would shake hands with your greatest enemy and say, "No more battles.  Ever."  and tell me it's the truth?  It won't happen.   As long as human beings have free will, free thought, there will be no world peace.  There will be no truth.  



"You can be standing right in front of the truth and not necessarily see it, and people only get it when they're ready to get it."  ~GEORGE HARRISON

Odd things Writers learn

When you are a writer, sometimes you need to search on the internet for details on how to do things.  For example, I just learned how to get blood off of walls using meat tenderizer.   If anybody ever looks at my search history, I will be in trouble.  Seriously, how many people look up "how to remove blood from walls"?   In the past, I've also looked up brain tumors and learned the different symptoms that depend on where the tumor is located in the head.  I've searched for how police treat crime scenes and if they can find out what kind of blood it is merely by blood type (like A+, B, etc) and that answer is no.   I've learned how to set up security cameras and the fact that they need a transmitter or two.  I've learned a lot of things that I probably won't remember until I look it up again.

I'm sure other people have odd things in their search history. It just tickles me when I search for something and wonder what is in other writers search history.  

Donate to worthy cause!

My friend helped get a food pantry started in her apartment building.  They got a grant from the state of Vermont but that money is running out.  They need more money to help fill up the food pantry.   Read more about it here!   I've shared it on Facebook and twitter and thought  it couldn't hurt to post here too.  Please click the link and donate!!

https://www.gofundme.com/pn76qyd4  

Too many books!

I have six books that I'm writing right now.  That's right.  6 books in progress.   I don't know which book to focus on.  I know of a couple that I can push aside for now but leaves 4 that I still want to work on.   Unfortunately, it seems lately that when I start writing a book, I either lose interest or I think it sucks so badly that I want to scrap the whole thing.   I haven't scrapped anything yet. I've rewritten parts, continued writing anyway but I haven't actually finished a book in a long time.

I really wanted to get a book published this year. I keep thinking about it and here it is, half way through October and I don't think it's going to happen this year.    If you look at the labels on the right, you can click on the Book label and you'll see all sorts of posts about my books.

Self Publishing costs money.  Money which I don't have.  So... I'll work on saving money again and hope life doesn't get in the way of that.

I hate politics

I hate politics. I hate talking about it so this is one of the few posts about politics you'll see on my blog. Talking about politics in my family only gets you angry. It's pointless. I have found I tend to disagree with my parents views so I refuse to talk about it with them. Why talk about politics when you don't get anything out of it? I guess those who like to debate things are the ones who discuss it the most. Obviously that's not me.

Here are my views... It doesn't matter who is president. People are either going to love or hate the president, no matter who is in office. You will always find something wrong with any president. Nobody is perfect but people seem to think that the president should be perfect. Presidents are humans, you idiots. Humans aren't perfect.

The President gets a lot of respect from me (usually) because it's the most stressful job in America. Put yourself in his shoes. He and his family are in the public's eye 24/7. Even after he leaves the office. The president is insulted daily by narrow minded people who think they can do a better job. I have news for you. It's a hard job. Nobody is going to be the best at it. Not you. Not me. Nobody.  

Why do I think it doesn't matter who is president? Because if you try your best at something, somebody is going to find flaws in it. you pass a law, and the U.S.A is going shit all over the law that you thought was a good thing. You create something that helps millions of Americans? Good for you! But don't expect the americans to thank you or agree with you. Being a president sucks. Debating about who should be president is pointless. We haven't even narrowed down the tons of people who want to run for president and I'm already tired of hearing about them. I'm even tired of this post. so I'm just going to end this.

I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. If you disagree with anything I say, Please don't start arguing with me about it. I will ignore you.

The Next Step & ramblings

I need to contact a few book cover designers and at least get some quotes. But I'm hesitant to do anything because of money.   While I know I have the money in the account, that money could be used for other much needed things.  I need new glasses and to get my eyes checked. I need my bottom teeth worked on which is going to cost a shitload.  I just need too many things.   It sucks.  

I have a couple websites saved that list the steps of self publishing a book.  They have helped me a lot so far.  However, the links mostly talk about ebooks and while that's good, I want to do both.  I want to publish an ebook but I also want a paper back book that I can hold in my hands.  I'll probably use create space for that part.  So I need a step by step guide that says what to do when doing both ebook and paper back.   Actually, I want somebody to hold my hand and dummy it all down for me. lol   

I work full time, 45 hours a week. I don't have kids and I'm single which means I have a lot of free time to do everything that's needed.  However, I also have health issues that limit what I can do.  You try working full time, writing books and doing this publishing stuff when you're too tired to do anything and just want to sit and stare.  It's not easy but I'm doing it.

I'm going the self publishing route for the following reasons:

1. I don't have put up with rejection letters from agents or publishers who think I'm crap
2. I don't have deadlines where I have to have something done by a certain date.  I follow my own schedule and do what I can, when I can.
3. I control what my books say and how they go.  I know some editors and publishers want more details, cut down on details, change this, change that.   ummm.... No.  I have my book the way I want it.
4. I'm new at all this stuff and while I may have more to do by doing this, I have more control.
5. I'm tired.  I can't think of any more reasons but you know what? That's okay because it's my decision. 

I guess I typed out the list to remind myself that any pressure I feel is my own doing.  I don't have a schedule to keep.  Do I want my book published in the next month?  Hell, yes!!   If it doesn't happen yet and gets pushed to later this year, that's ok.  My book.  My timeline.

About Me

Since I am working on getting my first book published, I thought I'd write up an "about me" page.  Below is what I have so far.   Everybody is free to suggest something to add.   Also, eventually, I will have an author page on Facebook.  In the short description for the about me section, I need something to write there.   A friend suggested "Katie loves to write paranormal romance while surrounded by her Supernatural Funko-Pops and Tarot decks."  Which is all true.   I suggested "Katie loves to write paranormal romance while surrounded by her geeky toys and Tarot decks."   only because geeky toys includes a variety of stuff from light sabers, stuff animals, supernatural pop toys, supernatural spirit board, miniature crap and lots of other stuff. 

I'll go ahead and create an about me page but below is what I'll have on it for now.



About Me

My oldest dream was to see my name on a book cover.   I believe it started when I was in the fifth grade and the teacher taught us about poems.  Our assignment was to write several different poems (using the different styles) and create a drawing for each poem.  I enjoyed doing that so much that I wanted do more.  So my hope was that I would someday have a book published, containing poems that I’ve written. At the time, I didn’t think I could write a story by myself. I guess my brain wasn’t ready for it yet.  That didn’t come until the eighth grade where the English teacher asked me to join the creative writing club.  She also had a guest author in class one day. I wish I could remember his name but one piece of advice he gave was to write what you enjoy reading about.  If you like ghost stories, write a ghost story.  If you like romance, write about romance.  Write what you like because if you don’t, then writing will become a chore and you’ll come to hate it. 

For that reason, I write paranormal romance novels.  I love that genre so much because it includes such a wide variety of topics.  Nowhere else could the hero be a tormented shifter/vampire/ghost/fairy, etc and the heroine could do whatever the hell she wants.   So I strived to create stories people would like.  I’ve written countless books and up ‘til now, none of them have been published.   

Enough babbling.  Here are some facts about me.  I’m single, in my mid-forties and work full time as one of the helpdesks that involves software and helping sort out issues.   Also, I have rheumatoid arthritis which is a painful disease involving the joints that disables a lot of people.   I consider myself lucky that I can work and I can still type and do what I love.   

Editing sucks

I don't know how book editors do this for a living.   I'm reading through my book yet again and have still found errors.  One error was a previous one I had put a mark through but didn't correct.  Another error was I used the word 'it' instead of 'he'.  Makes a big difference in a sentence when you use the right word.   Other things have been small errors like a dropped period or one letter too many.

Granted, there aren't as many errors now and I know the chances are slim that I'll catch every single error.  Knowing this, I have to say that if I published my book today, I'd be okay with it.   There aren't that many errors and readers can actually read it without cringing or having to mentally correct a sentence.  It's readable. 

I don't know if I'll have my aunt go through it one more time or not.  It may not be needed but I fear she'll find something that needs correcting. silly, I know.  

Also, for any readers I have, what are your thoughts on grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and readability of books?

The Perfect Time

Instead of posting info on all my completed books, I'm going to skip ahead to the last completed one and I believe the best of the batch.     This book is different then the rest I've written and when I reread it, I fell in love with it all over again.   Right now, I'm editing it and working on corrections.  Can I just say that punctuation sucks?  Punctuation is not my friend.  It's a pain getting the book corrected.  However, I believe in having a book that readers will like and can read without cringing at errors. I've read too many books myself that not only have wrong words and misspellings, but just too many mistakes for the book to be enjoyable.

So yes, I'm working hard on getting this particular book corrected so that it looks right.    This book is called The Perfect Time and I know it'll be my first book to be published.  I just don't know when yet.  Below is the quick synopsis or blurb I wrote about it.    What do you think?  Would you read this book just based on this blurb?




The Perfect Time

When an infection hospitalizes Sarah, she begins speaking a strange language.   Sally, her best friend, records what she said and gets it translated with shocking results.   Once Sarah is released from the hospital, her friend tells her about the episodes of her speaking in tongues.   She learns she’s lived before in sixteenth century Scotland and was married to an abusive Laird.  Her 16th century version has secrets that may cause harm to her and the blacksmith known as Tanner.  Little did she know that the choice made in the sixteenth century would have repercussions today. 

Questions to ask...

I thought I'd come up with a list of questions to ask a published author in case I ever get the chance.    So I came here to start a new post and now I can't think of any questions.   sigh..

Let's see.  Um...

1. Do you have any suggestions for somebody who works full time and wants to be published? Good thing I don't have a contract with deadlines. 
2. Do you do any fact checking on your fiction books?  Or since it is fiction, do facts matter?
3. When writing a book, I've heard that you shouldn't edit it as you go.  Don't worry about punctuation and spelling errors so much and just write.  Do you believe that's true?   I can't help but make corrections as I go.  I really can't.  It'll bug me if I know there's a mistake and I left it alone.  And yes, I do read the book several times and make my own corrections.  Man, I suck and make a ton of typos.
4. How many books did you write and finish before you were published?  I have 8 so far.
5. How many books did you abandon because you thought they were utter crap?  I have many. :)
6. Book covers are important.  They say you can't judge a book by its cover and it's true to a point.  However, as a reader, I know I look at the book cover and tend to skip those that just have a title and nothing else.   Having said that, do you believe the cover should always have a hunk and a woman on it?  Or do you think scenery is alright?    It's not like you should have a picture of an airplane on the cover and have the book be historical fiction. The scenery has to tie into the book but I don't think it's required to have a woman with her bodice ripped and some drop dead gorgeous hunk leaning over her.   hmm.. drop dead gorgeous hunk. I may rethink that.
7. How did you find your group of beta readers?  Are they family or friends?

I may edit this list of questions but these are what I came up with after a brain fart.  Now, if any readers know any authors who would want to answer these questions, feel free to share this page with them.  

Fourth book Synopsis

Hello all.  After a break in posts here, I'm back with another synopsis.    This fourth book is a ghost romance story with a happy ending.     Now my previous books were vampire books so this one is different.  no vampires in this one.  I had fun writing it.   Below is my attempt at a synopsis.  What do you think?  Would you read this book?


My Eternal Love

After an exhausting two year battle with the courts, Evelyn is finally able to relax and enjoy life again. With a new home, she’s ready to start a new chapter of her life away from the prying eyes of reporters.   When objects start to appear on her pillow, she’s sure her friends are playing a practical joke on her. That is until she comes face to face with a ghost.  Forced to believe that ghosts do exist, she struggles with what to do next.  A reporter finds her though and threatens her safety. 

Can she overcome her skeptical nature to do what must be done?  When her life is threatened, who will save her?

Third book synopsis

Today, I'll share my synopsis idea for my third book.  It's called Destined for Darkness.  It's a unique story idea and just so happens, I share a couple of my poems in the book.   though I'm not sure I should have this poem in the synopsis.   Hmm.  

Anyways, the book is a paranormal romance (as all of mine are).  What do you think of this synopsis?  I know it's short but sometimes it doesn't need to be overly long. 


Destined for Darkness

Dreams haunt her, darkness hunts her.  Just when Katarina starts to think the psychiatrists were right about her, Devlin walks into her life.  As she comes to know Devlin, danger threatens her life and her new found love.   Will they overcome the darkness or they embrace it?
(maybe include one of the poems from the book in the synopsis)

Darkness
When darkness descends upon your skin
Don’t let it fill you, don’t let it in.
Don’t turn to look or let it know
That you’re willing to let the light go
When the light is gone, darkness will embrace
Those who wish it to take light’s place.
When you find a passion in the dark of night,
Be watchful of a love that blinds your sight
For darkness has a beauty that hides all lies
Tricks you to think love is before your eyes.
There is something that lurks in the dark
Longing to drink in your spark.
Be careful of what you see or feel
For you may be it’s very next meal

Second Book Synopsis

If you saw my last post, you'll know I'm going through my completed books and I have realized something.  The first book needs work. A lot of work.   As I've been reading, I've found that the story and writing gets better with each book.  

Below is a synopsis for my second one called "In My Dreams".  While I do think this book is better than the first, it still needs work.  I think the ending is a bit abrupt.  Maybe it needs an epilogue.   Still, read the synopsis below and let me know what you think.  Would you read this book?

In My Dreams

Grace's life takes a sudden turn when she finds her fiancé cheating on her.  Soon after, the dreams start.   Her friends tease her about her dream man until one fateful evening when she sees him while she's awake.  A crowded bar, the lights dimmed but she knows it's him.  He's here and he's come for her. 

The path they take is full of blood and danger.  Will he keep her safe from others?  Or more importantly, himself?

Books, blurbs and ideas.. Oh my

In the coming days, weeks, months?  I'm going to post stuff here.   I'll write up a synopsis for each of my completed books and possibly ideas for covers or ask for beta readers and all sorts of tips.  

I ask you the readers to share your opinions of the synopsis I provide.  Please give feedback.  Is this a book you'd read?

Without further ado, I give you my first try at a synopsis from my book titled "Not Alone".  What do you think?



Not Alone synopsis

While on vacation, she falls in love with a house.  It's a steal. A deal that seems too good to be true.  Soon, she finds that the house is not as empty as she thought.  Disembodied voices, brushes of her hair and a touch on her shoulder all make her wonder if she's losing her mind.  Then she meets the other resident and knows the deal really was too good to be true.

She's not alone.  He's something she hasn't encountered before.  Can they coexist? Or will the past pull them apart?

A plea...

I've seen a lot of good things happen because of Gofundme webpage.  I've seen miracles happen because of it.   I've also seen some greedy people post crap on the page.  

But let me tell you that this one isn't crap. It's not some fake thing with some person only looking for money because they're greedy.  This one is different.  This is my uncle. 

He has had health issues for many years and hasn't work in a long time because of it.   Now, he needs help more than ever.  I ask everybody who reads this to please donate to my uncle.   He needs help.   Spread the word. Get more eyes on it.  Help him.  Please.


http://www.gofundme.com/meybzc

Ramblings about Health

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and hypothyroidism.    Both cause fatigue and aches and pains and I usually don't know which disease is causing what.   I've had Rheumatoid Arthritis for about 17 or 18 years now.   You know what I hate the most about R.A?   Surprisingly, it's not the pain.  It's the lack of energy and the fatigue that makes you feel like you could drop right where you're standing.   I've been told I have a high tolerance for pain and I guess with this disease, I'd have to.  I have days where I can barely walk because the pain is so bad.  I couldn't imagine if somebody without that high tolerance spent one day in my shoes.  

I work full time.  I have canes everywhere. One in my car, one at my desk at work, and more at home. Problem is that the cane rarely helps.   On the days when I need the cane most, I'm usually having an issue with my fingers, my hands or my wrists.  Hell, even my elbows too.  And that makes it hard to hold and use a cane.   

Now for the complaints...  If you go to a rheumatologist, first thing they'll do is tell you you're too fat and you need to lose weight.  Then they'll give you prednisone which is a steroid and makes you eat constantly and gain weight.  Where's the logic in that?     Then they'll give you medicines that lower your immune system so that's almost non-existent.   Now, if I wasn't around people all the time, I might be okay with that.  But I work in an office where people come in sick all the time. Hell, a few years ago, somebody had a cold or some respiratory funk but when it got to me, it turned in viral meningitis because of how screwed up my immune system is.  And doctors want me to lower my immune system voluntarily so I am at greater risk of getting sick and catching every germ work people have?   Yea, that's not happening.   Also, it has been my experience that these doctors won't give you pain medication because they want the arthritis drugs to do their thing.  so you end up in pain anyway.  

So in my opinion, rheumatologists suck.  They don't know what they're doing.  I've had them tell me "If you lose all that weight, you'll feel better."  Bullshit. I've lost the weight before. I got down to 170 something.  I was still in pain daily.    Which is I haven't seen a rheumatologist in years.   They give you drugs to make you fat, to get rid of your immune system and they insult you.  So yea, I have a problem with them.  

Now, I have a physical on Monday and I haven't had one in years because my previous doctor let me lapse on them. I was seeing her constantly for the thyroid issues before.  But this doc won't let me get by it.  I'm prepping for what she'll say.   She'll say I'm fat and I need to lose weight. I'll tell her about the R.A. and fatigue and no energy and pain, she'll give me a list of rheumatologists so I can go see one.   She'll probably put me on blood pressure medicine because I know my blood pressure will sky rocket just from being there.  

I digress....  the point of this post was that I'm tired of this disease.  if I get treated, I'll be put on drugs I don't agree with.  If I don't get it treated, I continue on as I am and potentially hear my doctor complain to me. 

The scientists and doctors need to come up with a different way to treat auto-immune diseases.  Stopping and/or lowering your immune system is not helpful in my opinion.   if I took the drugs they want me to, sure, my R.A.  might be better but then I'll be open to every germ, every cold, every type of flu, have the possibility to get meningitis again.  And that's not going to happen.  Meningitis terrified me.  It wasn't life threatening or anything.  It made me lose my mind.  and I won't go through that again.  so I deal with the pain of R.A. 

so yes, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  but I also work full time and I also have written like 7 or 8 books and countless poems, not to mention the countless books in progress (none of it published).  And I have this blog which I don't keep active as much I'd like.  so if I have any readers out there who wonder why I don't post often enough, now you know why. 

If you've read this far, well, I'm sorry this sort of turned into a bitch fest.  I just wanted to explain things and get thoughts written down..