Ramblings and Pet Peeves

Good morning weird people.  Today's post is just little stuff that has been irking me lately (as if I don't have enough stuff to irk me).

 

First off is the Prince's wedding.  Why is this such a big deal?  I didn't care when Diana married the goon, so why should I care that her son is getting married?  I'm pretty much glued to Syfy channel until it's all over with.

 

Secondly... who decided to split up the seasons on TV shows?   I miss the days where the TV Season was September to April or May. Now, they have it so broken up, each channel has their season schedule and sometimes each tv show is different too.  I don't like it.  no sir...

 

I'm also tired of people who think their problems, their wants and needs trumps everybody else's.   What about me? Guess I don't matter to certain people.  

 

On a related note, I'm tired of holding onto things.  Grudges, hurt feelings, anger.     I'm going to try and let it all go.  Not let it bother me any longer.  Easier said than done, I know but I'm going to try.  Because, damn it!  I'm sick of it.  

 

I'm also tired of the pain from the arthritis. I'm not going to see a Rheumatologist just yet. I despise them.  I'm also not going to take drugs that suppress my immune system.  I don't agree with that line of thinking because it opens you up to a whole world of illnesses. So that leaves me with natural remedies.  I am not changing my diet.  I'm sorry but I can't bring myself to cut out every food I like.  If I did that for the R.A. and the hypothyroidism, I'd be eating rice cakes 24/7. blech.  I did look into magnet therapy yesterday.  You can buy bracelets, anklets, and small magnets to tape onto various body parts.  Supposedly, it's suppose to balance things out and help.  not sure how but couldn't hurt to try.  I'm also going to try (once again) to take a multi-vitamin every day.  I'm on day 2.    I remembered to take it 2 whole days in a row!  lol  

 

Let's see what else.  Oh, I'm also pretty sick of rude and bad drivers.   if there's 5 feet between me and the car in front of me, that does not mean you can squeeze your big ass Explorer in there.  dipweed.  And,  here's a tip. if you are in the left hand lane and you need to turn right at the next light, don't cut off everybody and basically go across 3 lanes.   Everybody has to make sure the brakes are good on the cars for people like you.   

 

I think I've rambled on enough.  What irritates you?

Pain, Emotions and a Confession

I've had a crappy weekend. All weekend, I've been in pain, extreme fatigue and depressed all because of the Rheumatoid Arthritis. I've also come to realize that people either don't care or don't believe how bad it can get. I can't make them believe but I can list what hurts at the moment.

• both feet



• left ankle



• left knee



• both hands (and all fingers)



• right wrist



• right elbow

Sad to say, this isn't as terrible as I've felt before. Hell, just yesterday, it was all of the above and right knee and left wrist and a headache. Now, throw on top of that, fatigue. I'm not talking about "gee, I feel tired today". I'm talking about, you are so tired that you can't seem to do anything but watch tv. Other people would take a nap but I've never been one for naps. Only time I really napped every day was after I got home from the hospital 3 years ago. Also, add to it the sadness from depression and from living with this for as long as I have.

I know when people hear the word arthritis, they think of the more common form, osteo-arthritis and that's no bid deal. While I probably do have that too, I'm not talking about that. I will not tell people I have arthritis. I tell them I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. I know I don't act sick when you see at me work or other places. That's because I have learned to mask my feelings and pain. Why mask them? Because I don't know how to deal with it. I also don't use a cane because that wouldn't let me mask my pain, would it?

Yup, that's my big confession. I don't know how to deal with the depression brought on by stress and this illness. I don't know how to deal with the pain that I feel every day. So I pretend. I may take some ibuprofen or tylenol or something, but that's about it. I pretend it doesn't exist. It must be helping, right? I mean, I've had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 14 years.

Lately, I've been trying to be more "vocal" about things. I'm not succeeding. You want a hint about how I'm feeling? Check my facebook page, I haven't put a status update in a few days. I haven't replied to as many people's posts as usual or said much on facebook. I closed myself off.

Something happened yesterday. Somebody said something to me that made me cry. I won't go into details but I cried a lot. I still get choked up thinking about it and my response to that person. Now I have always tried to find a bright side of every situation. I guess the bright side of this is that I found out how people feel about me. No more guessing about it. I know.

That thing that happened yesterday did make me realize something. A lot of people may not believe that I am truly in pain, sad, fatigued, etc because I have pretended that I'm not. It's my fault. People ask me how I'm doing. I say I'm okay. even when I'm not okay, it's what I say. So, it's all my fault.

Now, let me clarify something. I am depressed but I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I'm just sad. I am allowed to be sad. After all, I work full time with this facade of being okay. I am allowing myself to be sad. I am not pretending right now. That's why I'm typing this up. I'm putting this out there in case people do actually stop by and read here. I'm also typing this up for my own benefit. Self prescribed therapy, if you will.

Tomorrow, I will take a spare cane to work with me. Just so I have it in my cube. I think that will be a bit of therapy in itself. Small steps right? those are the only steps I can take right now.

Edited to add clarification: I have posted facebook status' but they do not say how I feel. I mean, I posted a quick poem on Thursday, where I was saturday morning, but when was the last time I put a feeling on facebook?

Two Books

Hi folks!  Sorry I haven't written in a while but I've been busy.  I went to Las Vegas last week and had a lot of fun but probably won't go again unless I find comfortable shoes (home 5 days and feet and legs haven't recovered) and/or rent a mobility scooter.  Just walking around one casino was enough.  It's either that, or give me strong pain pills so I won't care. lol  

 

Besides Vegas, I took a break from my "In My Dreams" vampire book and started another book. This one will be a ghost book and I'll incorporate some experiences I had into the book.  I have a basic outline down and already wrote 8 pages of the book.  Today, I sat down with that file open, ready to type in it some more when I thought I'd open the "In My Dreams" book (yes, Chelle, that's the title I'm sticking with for Grace's Story lol)  and read the last chapter I wrote. I found myself typing away and have a new chapter in that book.   So I guess it is official. I am writing two books at once.    Right now, I think I can do it.  The characters are different, the setting is different in each book and even the plots are different.  The only thing the two books have in common is that dreams play a part in the two books. and if you know me or have read a few of my dreams posted here, you might understand why. lol 

 

I have a feeling the "In My Dreams" Is close to being done. I don't have a particular ending in mind just yet or how many more chapters.  but I don't think I can draw it out much more without harming the storyline.      Once that book is done, I'm sure I'll reread it a few times (Chelle too lol) and tweak it to death.  But once that book is done, maybe, just maybe, I'll look further into publishing.  After all, that will be my second completed book. 

 

But who knows what can happen or when.  Right now, I'm just enjoying writing. 

 

Ta Ta for now, time to get back to actual work (and maybe squeeze out a few pages of my ghost book).   Thanks for reading and remember, feel free to comment. You don't have to have an account. Only requirement is the word verification to stop spam posts. lol

Writer's Blah

Howdy Folks.  I'm considering starting a third book.  Common Sense tells me not to do it and to concentrate on finishing my second book.  I know I should do that. I really should.  However, I think I'm kind of burned out on it.  I don't think I have much further to go in the book, may be 3 or 4 more chapters.  I just don't think I can do it right now. I'm not giving up on the book and I may very well nix the whole idea of a third book for now and continue the second one.  It's just I'm kind of blah about it. 

 

I'm also thinking that if I start a third book with a fresh new idea, just to take a break from the second book for a while, it may help renew my ideas or creativity and be able to continue the second one with renewed vigor.  I'm sure other writers have the same issue if you search the internet, most people tell you not to write 2 books at once because you'll get confused and start mingling the plots together.  I'm sure that will happen to me but I can't force myself to write and continue the book at the moment when it's kind of blah to me.  Don't get me wrong, I love my second book.   You just can't expect somebody to keep writing in the same thing all the time.   I know if I didn't have a full time job, the book would be long finished by now. 

 

On other writing, I am considering submitting some poems to contests or literary magazines just to see if I can get anything published.  So if you know of a magazine or anything that accepts poetry from newbies, let me know.  Otherwise, I will have to search online for magazines and come up with something. lol 

 

That's all for now. Thanks for reading my ramblings.  As always, you don't need an account to leave a comment,  you just need to do a word verification.  I had to do that so I wouldn't get spam comments.