A Rant, A vent and a whimper

I don't normally use this blog for ranting. I tried to save it for my writing and my weird dreams. However, I think I need to do some writing of a different kind.

A normal day for me is the fatigue with a joint or four hurting. It's not the pain of Rheumatoid Arthritis that gets to me, it's the fatigue. Fatigue is the biggest part in my book of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Now I also have hypothyroidism and fatigue is a side effect of that too. So I get it two fold and it sucks big time. I really hate it. Most days, I don't know how I get through a work day at all. but I do it. I work full time at an office and some days I do a lot of walking somehow. Other days, I can't seem to move from my desk. Somebody have caffeine to help them out but not me. I don’t get that awake feeling that other people get. I wish I did.

Sad to say that those are normal days for me. Now add to it a cold. If a normal person gets a cold, they'd be annoyed but survive the days. I have a cold on top of my fatigue and I'm just dragging... more so than usual. Runny nose, sore throat, some coughing and sneezing and I dozed off in the chair for a bit because I'm just so tired.

I do get depressed from time to time because this fatigue gets so old after dealing it day in and day out. Today, I actually want to cry and keep crying until somebody tells me it’ll be alright. But it won’t be alright. That’s not a new revelation for me; I’ve always known it won’t be alright. Maybe that’s why I get depressed. Maybe depressed is the wrong word for it, maybe sad is better.

I know a lot of people with my issues and worse are out there living their life and dealing with it. Well good for them, I’m really happy for them. But I’m not them. I’m having a hard time and most people will never know it because I tend to hide things very well. I always have hidden myself from others but I’m slowly changing that… or trying to.

Tonight, just for tonight, I’m going to cry a bit and wait for better days. So I’ll go, take my cold and my issues and sit in the recliner and cry and just let it out. It’s been a while since I’ve done that.

Lack of posting

Geez, has it really been a whole month since I blogged? Wow. Sorry about that. Hope you guys haven't abandoned me. lol

I haven't written in my book for a while either. This past month, I've felt so fatigued and it's hard to be creative when you are so damn tired. But, I'm awaiting blood test results from my doctor and I have a feeling that she'll increase my thyroid dosage. Maybe that will help with this fatigue.

I'll try to post more things for you to read. Until then... See ya!

Alien Dream

The dream started with me in a military cargo type plane. I’m in the back with other people and we are looking out the windows. Suddenly, below and to the right of us, we spot something in the sky. It was a grey alien on a silver disc, sort of surfing the skies. If you’ve ever seen the cartoon Static Shock, this alien was surfing like Static does. Everybody crowds around windows on the right side of the plane to watch the alien who was also watching us.


There were military men on the plane with us and they were reporting to the Captain what we were seeing. The Captain thought the alien was a threat and wanted to shoot it down. I argued with him as his hand went for the fire button. I went to stop the captain from pushing the button but his men pulled me back. The Captain pressed the button and blew away the alien who was only watching us. Several people in the plane cried and yelled about this.

The next day, we were all again in the cargo plane and looking out the windows. We spotted another alien flying around just like the first one but this time, we didn’t say anything. We didn’t want another incident. We continued to watch in silence, smiling and waving to the alien. The alien looked behind him and suddenly there were millions more aliens there. All of them were on little silver discs. We gasped and the military men looked out the window to see what the hub bub was about.

One guy went to the Captain and told him what was going on, and the Captain got on the radio to report it to headquarters and wait for instructions. HQ told him to not make contact, don’t fire on them, just keep flying straight and ignore them.

The dream ended with all of us watching all the aliens out the windows and waiting in anticipation as to what was going to happen next.

Unintentional Break

I took a break from writing, it's been a couple of weeks. It wasn't intentional, I just ran out of energy at the end of the day. It does take energy to write, mental energy. and I just plain ran out.

I did write two pages yesterday at work and I like where the scene is going. I meant to do some writing today and still plan to but time has just ran away from me. Where did the day go? Oh I know, it was spent watching TV and playing computer games. I should mute the TV or turn it off so I can write a bit. I have the file open on my screen and it's ready to be used.

Now I just need to write. Yesterday it was easy, I just opened the file and started writing. I love writing, always have and always will. I know I need to keep writing in this book, not only to keep my creativity alive but if I want to get published, then I need to finish this book. Once I do finish it, I'll have two complete unpublished books that I wrote.

Even though I'm unpublished, I am proud of what I have accomplished. Not everybody can write, not everybody wants too and those that do want to, just don't have the talent. I hope, that I have more than the will to write. I hope that I have the talent. I am a writer, in my heart and in my mind.

I do wish to be published some day. The thought of seeing my name on a paperback book on the shelves with all the other books, thrills me. It will happen someday. It will. It will take time unless I go the self-published or publish on demand route. It would be nice to be paid for the writing I do but I don't write for money. I write for the pleasure of writing.

So now, I'll post this blog, mute the TV, and put my file before me. I'll reread what I wrote yesterday and see where it takes me.

Escaping Thoughts

Last night, as I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep, I had thought of a good topic to post on my blog. It was insightful and gave explainations about me and I was proud that I thought of it.

Now, in the light of day, I can't remember exactly what I was going to post. The thoughts of the new blog post have escaped me. That's what I get for not writing down my thoughts when I had them. I should know by now that if I don't write something down when I have a thought, I'll forget all about it. I now have a notebook and pen on the bedside table.

So here's the tip of the day: When you have a thought or an idea about anything, no matter what time it is, write it down. I don't care if you were about to go to sleep like me, or are about to go into the shower and are standing there naked. Take the time to write down the thought on paper, so you can get to it later on.