Just when you think you are over something, it comes back to scare you

As my friends may remember, in April 2008, I had viral meningitis which hospitalized me for 4 days and made me miss work for 4 weeks. As a result of that, I became afraid to touch people or touch things they touched in case there were germs on them. I have a screwed up immune system and the doctors said that somebody probably had a cold at work or at a grocery store, and because I'm screwed up, my body turned it into viral meningitis. So I did whatever I could to avoid being around sick people and kept hand santizers with me at all times. I didn't even want to hug my niece and nephews because let's face it, kids are germ factories.

I forced myself to get over that fear that I could get meningitis from anybody or anything at anytime. I realized I didn't have any control over it and if it happens again, it just happens. I thought I was okay with it. Until now..

Yesterday morning I woke up with a cold. sore throat, runny nose, fever. Immediately my fears came rushing back at me. I calmed myself after reviewing my symptoms and reminded myself that it's just a cold. Then later in the day, I had an upset stomach and a headache and a sore neck, just like I did with the meningitis. I took my temperature constantly yesterday. Even this morning, first thing I did was take my temperature and make sure I could move my neck alright.

I took yesterday off from work but I’m at work now for a half day. As I write this, I’m wishing I had my thermometer with me. A normal temp for me is 96 degrees. When I had meningitis, my temp soared to 102. Yesterday, it was 98.1. so I had a small fever yesterday. Today, no fever but still I want that thermometer to be sure. lol

I hate having this fear that I'll get meningitis again. I don't wish that sickness on anybody. When I had it, I was literally out of my mind. I remember bits and pieces of that time but what I do remember, I don't like. If it had just attacked my body, I wouldn't still be afraid. It's the fact that it attacked my mind too. I don't want to lose my mind again.

I haven't told my parents that I have a cold because they share the same fears I do. I am still fighting my fears. I know that a majority of the people who had Viral Meningitis never get it again but I know people who have had it more than once. And since I'm soooooo lucky to have a screwed up immune system, chances are I'll get it again.

So I am struggling with my own fears today and the fears will probably always come up whenever I get a cold or something else And that makes me sad. I need to learn to deal with this. Since I'm taking a half day from work, I am going to go to the grocery store on my way home and get some medicine and try not to think about the germs on the shopping carts.

Zombie Dream

As my friends know, I usually have some pretty weird dreams. But it seems my dreams have been affected by the writer's block as well. My dreams have been pretty tame lately compared to the ones I used to have. Until last night....

Here's my latest weird dream.

Last night, I dreamed that I was riding around in an old pick up truck with my boss and a dog he found. We had to go to a certain field and do some clean up work. At least that's what we were told by our boss. When we get to the field, we find it's over run with zombies and bodies everywhere. The field was enclosed with a fence to keep the mindless drooling zombies in and it was our job to do the cleanup. So my boss looks in the back of the pick up truck where he was told the tools for the cleanup job were and finds 2 shotguns and enough ammo to take out the state of Colorado. lol

My boss looks at me and says "Well, let's get started." and he loads the shotguns. I'm just in standing there in shock until he hands me a shotgun and I scream at him. "What the hell is going on? Where did these zombies come from and does Scott really expect us to 'clean up'? He's flipped.. that's it.. he's looney... or maybe I am..."

Boss looks at me and says "Katie, do you want to keep your job? Then you have to do whatever Headquarters says."

I yell back at him "But where did these zombies come from?"

He puts ammo in his pockets and says "I don't know and I don't care. Let's get this over with."

So I put tons of ammo in my pockets and boss walks over to the fence and calmly blows the head off the nearest zombie. This got the rest of the zombies worked up and into a frenzy. They come over the fence and try to break through. He reloads his shotgun and takes out another one.

Finally I join in and start taking out zombies but I noticed the fence is coming loose with all the zombies rocking it and trying to get at us.

"Rick, we should get out of here!" I yell at him.. and we start backing up towards the truck and still firing away.

And that's when I woke up.

So I leave you now with that dream and this picture I made. It's okay to wonder about me.. I wonder about myself sometimes. lol

Souls in the Night

Today, I thought I'd post one of my favorite poems, if not the top favorite. It's called Souls in the Night and it touches me. I remember feelings of sadness and relief when I wrote this but that could be tied to the Ghostly Influence I mentioned in an earlier post.

Now for this poem, I made 4 different pictures to go with it but I keep coming back to this one.



These are the other three pictures I made for it. I really don't like any of them and I gave up trying to find the perfect picture for this poem. Nothing I tried really fits the poem. That's why I usually keep the first one as my favorite. I feel it's missing something but until I figure out what it is, get that Aha! feeling when discovering the perfect picture, that first one above will be it.



As always, click the pictures to see full size and comments are very much welcomed.

Long time no post

Hello all, it's been a year since I last posted and boy I guess I was extremely stressed out. lol I may start blogging again, I don't know yet. Just maybe it will help me get my creative juices flowing again. I've been in one hell of a writer's block for the past year and just haven't had anything to write. I miss it, but still can't think of anything to write for poetry or story wise.

So, I'll post a couple of my old things I call Poem Art. My poetry on pictures that I've severely doctored up and put together in Photoshop and paintshop. I'll post the thumbnails here and you can click on them to see full size. These three are among my favorite ones.

Enjoy!