Footsteps outside my door (A True Story)

I'm sitting here reading, tv is muted, so no sound in the apartment. Pipsqueek went to the patio door and cried.

I said, "what's your problem?"

He was quiet but staring out the door into the night. Then I heard it. The sounds of footsteps on rocks. Outside my patio, the bushes are surrounded by rocks. I started to get nervous but the footsteps soon faded away.

"whew.". A sigh of relief.

Relief was only temporary as the footsteps came back. I stood up and retrieved my sturdy cane, only weapon I have. I checked all the doors, made sure they were locked. I went over to my desk, had a cigarette and picked up the phone to call the police. Phone in hand, I went back to my recliner as I could only hear the footsteps there.

The crunching footsteps on rocks returned. It sounded like somebody pacing outside my patio. My imagination went into overdrive as I realized a person could easily leap over the railing and break in. I held my breath and waited for something to happen.

Silence returned and I figured it was just somebody out for a walk, walking their dog or something. Wait! what's that sound? Oh my god, they're still out there!

Now I was angry. I grabbed my flashlight, walked over to the patio door where pipsqueek was still watching the stranger. I flipped on the patio light and stared, waiting for the person to make themselves known. I didn't have to wait long. There it was, the sound I was dreading and I could now see the source. It was....

It was too damn funny, that's what it was. A piece of packing paper about three feet long was making sounds as the wind blew it across the cement of my patio. Geez.... Attack of the evil paper.
Beware the packing paper!!

I already shared this on facebook but it was such a good and funny story, I had to tell it here too.

Hiya!

uhhhh.. damn, forgot what I was going to type up. lol

oh well, It's been that kind of day. my R.A. is bugging me today too. sore ankle, legs and one hip. plus I'm beyond tired. just another day in paradise!

guess that's all since I can't remember what I was going to say.. DOH!

Writing without thought

I have read that a lot of authors carefully plan out scenes and how they want their stories to be told. I never was one for planning. When I write, I just sit down in front of the computer with the file open and start writing. A lot of times, I don't know how a scene will go until I've actually written it.

I let the words flow from me and then go back and read what I wrote. A scene I just now wrote and completed, took a very interesting turn. When I reread it, I thought "Well that was unexpected."

It may sound odd for a me to say that about my own writing but that is how I work. I have to say, I like it too. I write without plans, without outlines, or thinking ahead. I write without thought and books appear.

and I like it!

What is the point

I hate when sadness rears it's ugly head. I'm down in the dumps and I can see where this feeling will take me. I have been holding it off for a while now, trying not to let it consume me. I think I'm failing.

I tell myself to think of brighter things, silver linings and all that. then I think, "What's the point?" Why struggle as hard as I am to pay bills? What is the point of it? Another one will just fill it's place. Why strive to be happy when there is that inevitable thing to drag you down into the darkness? Why bother taking medicine to take away the physical pain I feel on a daily basis when it will always be there for the rest of my life? Why quit smoking and eat healthy to extend my life when to be truthful, that is not what I want?

I know I have a better life than a lot of people. I know how lucky I am. that does not take away from the despair that I feel. I don't like it but I can't always stop it. The sadness has come for me like a theif in the night to make me wallow in my own doubts.

You may think I'm over the top. But I'm not. I've been here before. I know this feeling. I know I should ask my doctor for antidepressants. But what's the point? something will always bring me down and make me feel like I'm drowning in my own emotions and thoughts.

Let me tell you something about myself, if indeed anybody reads my blog, this may be a shock to some people. I have only told a select precious few people this thing.

In 1993, I had a nervous breakdown. I saw a psychiatrist 3 times a week for months. He diagnosed me with chronic depression and said I've probably been this way since childhood. I revealed to the shrink my thoughts that I never told anybody. He knew how bad off I was. He made me promise him that I wouldn't attempt suicide. I promised him and I broke that promise. Yes, on July 26th, 1993, I attempted suicide. Nobody in my family had ever seen a shrink before, let a lone do what I had done. so it was a quite a shock to my family.

Obviously, I lived through it. I often think back on those dark times of my life and do I regret it? No. I know that will be a shock to a lot of people. I can honestly say I do not regret it. The whole experience changed me and for the better. It changed my way of thinking. It changed my personality. It changed ME.

When I think back upon the experience when I am feeling low and depressed as I am, I know I will rise above it in time. I don't see myself ever attempting suicide again. No matter how depressed I get. I know it won't happen. It may be odd but it gives me comfort.

I may cry, I may weep and curse my pains and life. But I will live through it and endure for this is who I am. Do not worry for me, or weep for me. I do that enough. I will go on struggling to pay bills. I will go on working even though I wish I could curl up into a ball and weep. I will live my life for I have no other choice.

I have not cried today. That is suprising to me. I don't think I'll cry at all. What would be the point? I typed this post up to vent, and get things out of my head. If you read it, I thank you. But don't worry about me. I will live. I will work and I will play. I will laugh again someday. I may cry again too. Just not today. What would be the point of either?

Hi folks

So yea.... Haven't posted anything on here in two weeks. Guess I haven't had anything to say. I'm still here. Still tired all the time. Still blah. Now my computer at home is busted. Working off iPad right now. But yea. I'm pretty much the same. I lead a boring life which is why I escape into my writing.... One day, maybe readers can escape into my writings too