I've seen a lot of good things happen because of Gofundme webpage. I've seen miracles happen because of it. I've also seen some greedy people post crap on the page.
But let me tell you that this one isn't crap. It's not some fake thing with some person only looking for money because they're greedy. This one is different. This is my uncle.
He has had health issues for many years and hasn't work in a long time because of it. Now, he needs help more than ever. I ask everybody who reads this to please donate to my uncle. He needs help. Spread the word. Get more eyes on it. Help him. Please.
http://www.gofundme.com/meybzc
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Hi folks! I had an adventure
Sorry for not writing here this week. I had an adventure. This is a long post so pull up a chair.
I guess it started last thursday with stomach pain. The pain grew and grew until I was sick early sunday morning. I wasn't eating, not drinking enough, and in a lot of pain. By sunday night, I told my boss that I was going to try and get into see my doctor monday or go to the ER. I lucked out and got an appointment with a doc 9:30 on monday. She examined me and suggested Diverticulitis and sent me to get blood work and a cat scan right after my apointment. After the Cat scan, I was to wait there while the docs went over the results. The good news was that it wasn't diverticulitis. The bad news was that I had pancreatitis and it was bad. I went from the cat scan building, walked to the main hospital right to admission. Yup, I was admitted to the hospital.
I had more blood work done, was given Morphine Dilauded (medicine from God, I swear!) and made comfy in a bed. now time seems to get messed up a bit, so not sure which day exactly. lol I think monday Night, I had an xray of abdomen. Oh, I was really dehydrated too so finding a vein for the I.V. was fun. Tuesday, I had a type of MRI done. The mri showed that I had gall stones and the gall bladder needed to come out.
Surgery was scheduled for Wednesday at 3 and the nurses, surgeon assistant, anithesiologist and his assistant were all great in comforting me. They made me laugh a lot. I went into my first surgery ever. I remember scooting over onto the gurney and getting my arms strapped on the things. I remember them putting an oxygen mask on me and the anethesiologist (geez, i can't spell that word) told me to enjoy the trip. lol that was the last thing I remember.
After the surgery, I tried to talk, found I could only whisper no matter how hard I tried. My first word after surgery was parents. they didn't understand me so I croaked out Mom and Dad. found out they were waiting for me in my new post op room. Breathing really sucked right out of surgery, I panicked a little but as i breathed more, I relaxed. It was a bit scary for me. I had laproscopic surgery on my belly. they removed the gall bladder and said it looked like it was messed up for a while now. so yea, time to get rid of it.
I was discharged today and now I'm home, and after this post, I'll relax. My belly looks like it went through a war. I have bruises everywhere. Including where they put needles in my belly for medicine to stop blood clots.
Now a lot people immediately think that diet is why gall bladder goes bad. However, I asked the surgeon if gall bladder issues are inherited and he said yes. Mom had her gall bladder out. Her grandmother had her gall bladder removed. It's family history. The doc also said I can go back to whatever I was eating before. not that a lot people will care about that.
I did go to the store today about sandwich stuff and actually bought a salad kit. I did eat a fruit cup earlier. I think they were oranges. now I'm going to find something to eat that doesn't require a lot of effort. Then, I'm going to veg out in my recliner and relax. Maybe I'll read up on recommended diets for gall bladder removal stuff.
This was only my second hospital stay in my life and it was my first surgery. I went through a lot of emotions. I was scared, I cried, I laughed, and dozed. Also gave my parents guilt trips when they'd leave after visiting me in the hospital. You know, just had to do it. lol
Anyways, one week after a small stomach ache started, I sit here minus one gall bladder and with many many bruises and sore spots. Moral to the story, Do not put off seeing a doctor if you have a stomach ache.
I could probably type a lot of stuff here but I'll leave it now.. time to relax and enjoy my first night home..
I guess it started last thursday with stomach pain. The pain grew and grew until I was sick early sunday morning. I wasn't eating, not drinking enough, and in a lot of pain. By sunday night, I told my boss that I was going to try and get into see my doctor monday or go to the ER. I lucked out and got an appointment with a doc 9:30 on monday. She examined me and suggested Diverticulitis and sent me to get blood work and a cat scan right after my apointment. After the Cat scan, I was to wait there while the docs went over the results. The good news was that it wasn't diverticulitis. The bad news was that I had pancreatitis and it was bad. I went from the cat scan building, walked to the main hospital right to admission. Yup, I was admitted to the hospital.
I had more blood work done, was given Morphine Dilauded (medicine from God, I swear!) and made comfy in a bed. now time seems to get messed up a bit, so not sure which day exactly. lol I think monday Night, I had an xray of abdomen. Oh, I was really dehydrated too so finding a vein for the I.V. was fun. Tuesday, I had a type of MRI done. The mri showed that I had gall stones and the gall bladder needed to come out.
Surgery was scheduled for Wednesday at 3 and the nurses, surgeon assistant, anithesiologist and his assistant were all great in comforting me. They made me laugh a lot. I went into my first surgery ever. I remember scooting over onto the gurney and getting my arms strapped on the things. I remember them putting an oxygen mask on me and the anethesiologist (geez, i can't spell that word) told me to enjoy the trip. lol that was the last thing I remember.
After the surgery, I tried to talk, found I could only whisper no matter how hard I tried. My first word after surgery was parents. they didn't understand me so I croaked out Mom and Dad. found out they were waiting for me in my new post op room. Breathing really sucked right out of surgery, I panicked a little but as i breathed more, I relaxed. It was a bit scary for me. I had laproscopic surgery on my belly. they removed the gall bladder and said it looked like it was messed up for a while now. so yea, time to get rid of it.
I was discharged today and now I'm home, and after this post, I'll relax. My belly looks like it went through a war. I have bruises everywhere. Including where they put needles in my belly for medicine to stop blood clots.
Now a lot people immediately think that diet is why gall bladder goes bad. However, I asked the surgeon if gall bladder issues are inherited and he said yes. Mom had her gall bladder out. Her grandmother had her gall bladder removed. It's family history. The doc also said I can go back to whatever I was eating before. not that a lot people will care about that.
I did go to the store today about sandwich stuff and actually bought a salad kit. I did eat a fruit cup earlier. I think they were oranges. now I'm going to find something to eat that doesn't require a lot of effort. Then, I'm going to veg out in my recliner and relax. Maybe I'll read up on recommended diets for gall bladder removal stuff.
This was only my second hospital stay in my life and it was my first surgery. I went through a lot of emotions. I was scared, I cried, I laughed, and dozed. Also gave my parents guilt trips when they'd leave after visiting me in the hospital. You know, just had to do it. lol
Anyways, one week after a small stomach ache started, I sit here minus one gall bladder and with many many bruises and sore spots. Moral to the story, Do not put off seeing a doctor if you have a stomach ache.
I could probably type a lot of stuff here but I'll leave it now.. time to relax and enjoy my first night home..
Friday, July 15, 2011
Camping story 3
Let's see.. Oh here's a memorable camping trip... we used to have a pick up truck that had a camper shell on it. a bed went over the cab of the truck. there was maybe 2 feet of space up there, once you were up there, you weren't going to sit up. Well, dad was driving around in the mountains on dirt road. my sister terry was in the back with me and I think her friend sat up front with dad in the truck. I of course, got in the little bed area above the cab of the truck. Suddenly, the road got really bumpy.. well it used to be a road about a hundred years ago. It was so bumpy that I was going up and down in the bed. Bang, hit the roof.. plop back on the bed. over and over and over again. I'm talking about every second, I was hitting that roof. at first I laughed.. cause ya know, I'm stupid. lol but it got worse, I hit the roof with more force with each bang. momentum, I think. mean while, Terry is standing on one foot, has one foot on cabinet, one hand on another cabinet, and another hand on another cabinet, to keep them closed. I started screaming because I was tired of being the battered ping pong ball, terry was yelling at me to get down and help her (as if I could).. finally, dad stops the truck and we take a break..
But wait, there's more! When we got back in the truck, something was wrong with it. I forgot what but Dad got it started and it sounded wrong but hey, it started which was a good thing because there was not another living soul around for miles, let alone roads.... we drove across a meadow in the mountains and finally came across a big van. There were two guys in it. the one actually sitting in the passenger seat got out to talk to my dad. the other guy had his legs dangling out of the drivers seat door and was basically plastered. lol Dad pops the hood of the truck and gets the tools out of the camper, telling us girls to stay put. The guy who could function started picking up small rocks and hitting his friend and yelling "Vernan!" rock hits the dude who isn't moving. "Vernan, come on man!" another rock hits him, still not moving... "Damn it, Vern! Get out here and help the guy" more rocks thrown at the dude. The more sober guy finally gives up and helps dad fix our truck. We move along leaving the drunks behind and I saw in the window that the guy was still throwing rocks at the other guy. too freakin funny..
after camping, we headed back to civilization. On one of the dirt roads, only one car can go at a time.. so if you hear a honk, that means another car is coming and you have to find a "wide" spot in the road to pull onto so the other car can get by. We start heading down hill on this very steep dirt road. guess what.. our brakes died. Yup.. here's dad, both feet on the emergency brake pedal, he's basically standing on the brakes and rocking back and forth "come on, betsy. you can do it" and I'm sitting next to him holding up a sign that says "NO BRAKES" in the window, alternating eyes closed, peek and see where we are, close eyes again.. waiting for another car to show up on that damn road or we go rolling off the cliff because the we couldn't slow down for the turns...
but as luck would have it, we made it to the bottom of the hill in one piece without seeing another car on the road, the smell of burnt rubber in the air, and everybody shaking...
Yup.. good times.
But wait, there's more! When we got back in the truck, something was wrong with it. I forgot what but Dad got it started and it sounded wrong but hey, it started which was a good thing because there was not another living soul around for miles, let alone roads.... we drove across a meadow in the mountains and finally came across a big van. There were two guys in it. the one actually sitting in the passenger seat got out to talk to my dad. the other guy had his legs dangling out of the drivers seat door and was basically plastered. lol Dad pops the hood of the truck and gets the tools out of the camper, telling us girls to stay put. The guy who could function started picking up small rocks and hitting his friend and yelling "Vernan!" rock hits the dude who isn't moving. "Vernan, come on man!" another rock hits him, still not moving... "Damn it, Vern! Get out here and help the guy" more rocks thrown at the dude. The more sober guy finally gives up and helps dad fix our truck. We move along leaving the drunks behind and I saw in the window that the guy was still throwing rocks at the other guy. too freakin funny..
after camping, we headed back to civilization. On one of the dirt roads, only one car can go at a time.. so if you hear a honk, that means another car is coming and you have to find a "wide" spot in the road to pull onto so the other car can get by. We start heading down hill on this very steep dirt road. guess what.. our brakes died. Yup.. here's dad, both feet on the emergency brake pedal, he's basically standing on the brakes and rocking back and forth "come on, betsy. you can do it" and I'm sitting next to him holding up a sign that says "NO BRAKES" in the window, alternating eyes closed, peek and see where we are, close eyes again.. waiting for another car to show up on that damn road or we go rolling off the cliff because the we couldn't slow down for the turns...
but as luck would have it, we made it to the bottom of the hill in one piece without seeing another car on the road, the smell of burnt rubber in the air, and everybody shaking...
Yup.. good times.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Camping Stories... The perils of big cars on narrow roads
Now, I don't remember a lot of my childhood, maybe I blocked it out because of so many scary camping trips. lol So I don't know if these pieces are one camping trip or many.
Now, in the mountains here, there are a ton of dirt roads with steep inclines and sometimes there's barely enough room for one car to drive on, let alone two. I remember one road in particular that we went on a lot up near Georgetown. You couldn't see around the turn of the road, so you had no clue if a car was coming or not. You just had to hope that the if there was another car coming, that they honked their horn or heard you honk yours. Sometimes, you had to go in reverse when another car was coming the other way because you had to find a 'wide' spot in the road. yup, scary times but it happened so often that I think I got used to it despite looking out the window and seeing the cliff inches from your tires. lol
That brings me to another tidbit. I can remember we had a big blue van. I don't remember the year or anything, I just can remember seeing the van. Now, this part, I've pieced together from my parents. There was one dirt road that we managed to get the blue up, barely. One one turn, I vaguely remember we had to get out of the van while dad tried to get it back on the road. You see, one of the back tires was hanging off into the air. Mom and I think my aunt and brother, started getting rocks and basically built up a road underneath the tire that was just hanging out there. Once they had enough rocks, dad was able to move the van forward. we all breathed a sigh 0f relief and got back in the van.
I also remember an old hanging wooden bridge. It had gaps between the planks and hung low in the middle and it swayed freely with no supports on any part of it, nothing on the sides to grab on to and nothing holding it up. It was certainly wide enough for a car to go over but nobody in their right mind would try it. Right? Wrong! Dad decided he could take the van over it just fine. I believe mom called him names and everybody got out of the van and walked across the bridge, leaving dad alone in the van. We walked slowly and carefully across the bridge and it supported our weight just fine. Behind us, Dad started inching the van across the bridge and we hurried over and waited anxiously. Slowly the van crept across the van and miraculously, he made it across.
We all piled back into the van and went on our merry way. I think it was after that trip that mom decided staying at home was the better thing to do. After that, when we went camping, it was my dad with mom at home. I just emailed dad to see if he remembers where that bridge is. I was hoping to find a picture of it somewhere for you. my description does not do the scene justice. lol
I do remember another incident with my mom but I don't remember if it was that blue van or a different white van we had or what. I can remember we were driving pretty high in the mountains and it was a foggy day. Visibility wasn't that great that high up. The dirt road we were on was a bit bumpy and suddenly mom yelled "Stop the car!" Dad stopped the car and looked at mom. The fog lifted to reveal that the road ended abruptly only about 20 feet from where mom said to stop. Not only did it end abruptly, it was a cliff and the drop was at least 100 feet. Something told mom to stop because we couldn't see squat in front of us.
I think that's enough rambling today. Hope you enjoyed it! Tomorrow, I'll share a camping trip with our white pick up truck that had a camper shell on it.
Okay, so I emailed my dad and asked where the bridge was and he sent a link that shows the bridge. it wasn't what i remembered. I distinctly remember a reddish bridge that drooped. maybe that was a different one. lol Here's what my dad said and the link to the pictures.
"I drove past Blackhawk to Rollinsville on Highway 119 then took the old Moffat Road narrow gauge RR trail to the Needle Eye Tunnel (Now collapsed). The other side of the tunnel took us to a 200 foot trestle that wobbled and shook… you guys got out… I drove over… the road eventually went over Rollins Pass… there was a ghost town there with the old hotel… eventually you wound up in up in winter Park. There were snow sheds for the trains.. ghost towns of Penelope and Antelope…. We didn’t need no stinkin’ 4X4!!! We were invincible!!!
Go here… lots of pictures of the devils slide trestles!!!!Dad http://www.matts-place.com/trains/colorado/rollins.html "
Direct link to one of the pictures http://www.matts-place.com/trains/colorado/images/rp061800d.jpg
Now, in the mountains here, there are a ton of dirt roads with steep inclines and sometimes there's barely enough room for one car to drive on, let alone two. I remember one road in particular that we went on a lot up near Georgetown. You couldn't see around the turn of the road, so you had no clue if a car was coming or not. You just had to hope that the if there was another car coming, that they honked their horn or heard you honk yours. Sometimes, you had to go in reverse when another car was coming the other way because you had to find a 'wide' spot in the road. yup, scary times but it happened so often that I think I got used to it despite looking out the window and seeing the cliff inches from your tires. lol
That brings me to another tidbit. I can remember we had a big blue van. I don't remember the year or anything, I just can remember seeing the van. Now, this part, I've pieced together from my parents. There was one dirt road that we managed to get the blue up, barely. One one turn, I vaguely remember we had to get out of the van while dad tried to get it back on the road. You see, one of the back tires was hanging off into the air. Mom and I think my aunt and brother, started getting rocks and basically built up a road underneath the tire that was just hanging out there. Once they had enough rocks, dad was able to move the van forward. we all breathed a sigh 0f relief and got back in the van.
I also remember an old hanging wooden bridge. It had gaps between the planks and hung low in the middle and it swayed freely with no supports on any part of it, nothing on the sides to grab on to and nothing holding it up. It was certainly wide enough for a car to go over but nobody in their right mind would try it. Right? Wrong! Dad decided he could take the van over it just fine. I believe mom called him names and everybody got out of the van and walked across the bridge, leaving dad alone in the van. We walked slowly and carefully across the bridge and it supported our weight just fine. Behind us, Dad started inching the van across the bridge and we hurried over and waited anxiously. Slowly the van crept across the van and miraculously, he made it across.
We all piled back into the van and went on our merry way. I think it was after that trip that mom decided staying at home was the better thing to do. After that, when we went camping, it was my dad with mom at home. I just emailed dad to see if he remembers where that bridge is. I was hoping to find a picture of it somewhere for you. my description does not do the scene justice. lol
I do remember another incident with my mom but I don't remember if it was that blue van or a different white van we had or what. I can remember we were driving pretty high in the mountains and it was a foggy day. Visibility wasn't that great that high up. The dirt road we were on was a bit bumpy and suddenly mom yelled "Stop the car!" Dad stopped the car and looked at mom. The fog lifted to reveal that the road ended abruptly only about 20 feet from where mom said to stop. Not only did it end abruptly, it was a cliff and the drop was at least 100 feet. Something told mom to stop because we couldn't see squat in front of us.
I think that's enough rambling today. Hope you enjoyed it! Tomorrow, I'll share a camping trip with our white pick up truck that had a camper shell on it.
Okay, so I emailed my dad and asked where the bridge was and he sent a link that shows the bridge. it wasn't what i remembered. I distinctly remember a reddish bridge that drooped. maybe that was a different one. lol Here's what my dad said and the link to the pictures.
"I drove past Blackhawk to Rollinsville on Highway 119 then took the old Moffat Road narrow gauge RR trail to the Needle Eye Tunnel (Now collapsed). The other side of the tunnel took us to a 200 foot trestle that wobbled and shook… you guys got out… I drove over… the road eventually went over Rollins Pass… there was a ghost town there with the old hotel… eventually you wound up in up in winter Park. There were snow sheds for the trains.. ghost towns of Penelope and Antelope…. We didn’t need no stinkin’ 4X4!!! We were invincible!!!
Go here… lots of pictures of the devils slide trestles!!!!Dad http://www.matts-place.com/trains/colorado/rollins.html "
Direct link to one of the pictures http://www.matts-place.com/trains/colorado/images/rp061800d.jpg
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Camping Stories.. The introduction
After reminicing about camping with a coworker, I thought I'd post some of my most memorable camping stories here.
I'll start out with my introduction to camping. I believe I was 6 months old at the time. Mom had set me down in my carrier next to the campfire. They had gathered flat rocks to use to set pans on and coffee pot to heat up hot water. They put a nice sized flat rock in the fire and went off to do something.
The way my mom tells it, they suddenly heard a loud pop coming from my direction. They looked around and spotted the flat rock going straight up in the air. The rock popped again and broke into two pieces and started coming back down. Evidently, one half of the rock landed mere inches from my tiny little head.
Yup, nice exciting time for a first camping trip, eh? And that's just the start of the stories. Tomorrow, I'll post another one for you to read.
I'll start out with my introduction to camping. I believe I was 6 months old at the time. Mom had set me down in my carrier next to the campfire. They had gathered flat rocks to use to set pans on and coffee pot to heat up hot water. They put a nice sized flat rock in the fire and went off to do something.
The way my mom tells it, they suddenly heard a loud pop coming from my direction. They looked around and spotted the flat rock going straight up in the air. The rock popped again and broke into two pieces and started coming back down. Evidently, one half of the rock landed mere inches from my tiny little head.
Yup, nice exciting time for a first camping trip, eh? And that's just the start of the stories. Tomorrow, I'll post another one for you to read.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Last night's emotional dream
Last night, I had a sad dream. The dream started out happy with the entire family going to Las Vegas. We were going to have some fun. We arrived at the airport in Vegas and dad told me that Grandpa was already waiting for us.
"What? Really?" I almost squealed because I got to see Grandpa!
"Yup. Can you do me a favor and go wait with him while I get the bags?" Dad asked
"Sure!" I replied and skipped over to Grandpa.
I hugged him tightly and we started talking. Grandpa said he's been okay and he looked great. We walked over to a counter and he took out a stack of traveler's checks and started signing them. First check he signed was for $600 which is kind of an odd amount. Grandpa said he was giving everybody some money to have a good time with. It wasn't a lot but it equaled $225 per person. I hugged him again and said thanks. I turned to see if Dad was around and when I did that, Grandpa collapsed. He wasn't moving. He wasn't breathing. I screamed and looked for dad again. I spotted him a long ways away so I told the people around Grandpa to call 911 while I get my dad.
I ran over to dad who was carrying so many bags, he could barely stand and told him Grandpa collapsed. Dad dropped all of the bags right there and we both ran back to Grandpa. Grandpa still wasn't breathing or moving, Dad was crying, I was crying, even some bystanders were crying. That's when I woke up around 11 pm. I'm extremely sad typing this up and choking back tears. You see, Grandpa has been dead for 6 years now. It was so good to hug him in the dream. I miss him.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
And now for your reading pleasure...
The Crab Dream! Hot off the presses from my own warped mind , a new dream I had last night. Enjoy!
Dream starts with me taking Mom & Dad out somewhere. It was a surprise and I couldn't tell them where we were going. Scene changes and mom and I were fighting some sort of slimy bog oozy things. One whack and they were puddles of slime. However there were tons of these things. Dad was behind us doing nothing. As mom and I progressed, new monsters came out, 2 legged brown things that resembled 20 foot long anteaters (and also snuffleupagus) . Suddenly the level is over and we made it to the next level. Yup, it was a virtual game (the kind where you feel like you are there). We decided to take a break and were laughing all the way to a classical concert. Before the concert started, I told mom that I peeked at the next level and told her that we had to kill 160,000 of those slime things, not including the other monsters that jumped out at you.
We started discussing strategies when the concert was about to start. The announcer said what the first piece they were going to play was and I turned to dad and said "What did he say? Sounded like Urine Pee" Mom started laughing uncontrollably which made me laugh uncontrollably. Dad repeated what I said to the guys in the row behind us and I looked up and around and Patrick Stewart was there with a powdered white wig on. He started chuckling and he repeated to the guy he was sitting next to, he said it in this real snooty voice. "I say, she thought he said Urine Pee." The other guy started chuckling and said "well I suppose it does sound like that, doesn't it." This other guy is Wilfrid Hyde-White. Look him up, you'll know him.
Anyways, I decide to break up the laughter with a walk by myself. I find myself walking down metal stairs like a fire escape and onto a beach. On the stairs, I find a dark red crab that's the color of an uncooked lobster. This crab has one huge claw it uses as a decoy, it looked like it had a face on it. I almost thought it was two crabs sitting next to each other. I was about to touch it and it snapped at me. I continued down the stairs and spotted another crab, I think it was a king crab. I reached the beach and walked around for a bit. I decide to return to mom & dad and start back up the stairs. Behind me is a king crab that tries to make a swipe for me. I leap out of reach and it starts chasing me. I run up the stairs, pass the red crab and on a landing is another king crab. He's clicking his claws at me and coming closer. I kick it off the stairs and continue going up, suddenly there are king crabs all around me. One on the railing hooked my shirt sleeve. I broke off his claw and kept running.
That's when I woke up. Roasting, hot as hell, left hand completely numb, and mouth so dry I could drink a gallon of water and not be refreshed.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Last night's dream that left me crying
Dream January 11, 2010
The dream starts with me standing in Becky's bedroom. It's night and Becky and Keith are sleeping in their bed. I know I'm dead but I don't know how it happened. I know I need to tell Becky something that feels so final. I walk over to Becky's side of the bed and sit down on the edge of the bed.
"Becky? Becky, wake up. I have to talk to you." I whisper
Becky wakes up startled and looks at me "What the hell are you doing here? It's 3 am." She looks over at Keith who is still asleep.
"Something happened to me at the apartment. I don't know what happened but Pipsqueek is with me." I suddenly have Pipsqueek in my arms, he's calm and purring.
Becky looks at me again, "Why can I see through you?"
"I think you know." I reply.
She gasps at me "What happened?"
"I don't know, I was asleep and suddenly I was here." I tell her. I pet Pipsqueek and look at him, "It must have been fast because it happened to Pipsqueek too."
"No. This isn't happening, it's a dream right?" She asks
"I'm afraid not." I sigh. "Becky, I wanted to let you know that I love you and everybody else. Can you tell them for me please?"
"Tell them yourself! This is a dream. Just a weird dream that I'm having."
I try to grab Becky's hand but my hand goes through hers. I sit there and look in her eyes as tears well up in both of our eyes.
"Becky, you know this isn't a dream. In your heart, you know it." Pipsqueek jumps out of my arms and runs towards something. "I have to go now. I don't know where but I have to go. Remember what I said. Tell the family I love them."
Becky starts sobbing as I start walking towards her closet and with each step, I fade a bit until I'm gone completely.
That is when I woke up crying. I don't think I've ever had a death dream like that before. It was extremely sad and choked me just thinking writing it up.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My latest weird dream
Sooo... I don't think I had been asleep long last night before I had a weird dream.
It started out with me meeting my parents somewhere in Japan. They were on vacation and I was traveling to one of my company's international offices. So I caught up with them in some sort of Japanese garden. We waited in line to go in and there was a vending machine type thing there. Mom thought it was a laundry machine (wash and dry your clothes while you wait type thing LOL) I don't know what it was but it cost $100 and I wasn't about to spend that much. Anyways, the Garden hostess came out and talked to us in broken english. She saw that I was carrying a paper bag and said I couldn't take that in with me. The bag just had gifts I bought a nearby shop but since it cost money, I wasn't going to ditch it. The hostess told me I could put the bag in the vending machine beside me (the one that cost $100). I said no, I'm not spending that much money because you won't let me take my bag in with me.
The lady started yelling at me in japanese. I don't know what she said but I'm sure curse words were involved. Finally, mom and dad said I could put my bag with theirs in their little rental car. The gal sighed and smiled and proceeded to wrap my bag in icy blue wrapping paper. I don't know why. lol
Finally it was our turn to go in to the garden. Yea it was pretty but I was bored so I must have pressed the fast forward button in my dream. lol Mom, Dad and I were walking out to the parking lot and my dad said the three of us can't fit in their one rental car, so we'd have to rent another. I was confused but went along with it. When we obtained another rental car, we walked back to the parking lot and dad said he'd take all the shopping bags in his car and that I could ride with mom. I watch him and he gets in this type of soap box derby race car with bags piled up behind him.
I start laughing at the sight of dad in a tiny thin race car and he's telling me to shut up and started explaining that space was an issue since there are so many people in japan and yadda yadda yadda.... I laughed some more until I saw the little race car that mom and I had to use. It was wedged in between an old VW Bug and another normal car. I asked dad why there are normal sized cars around and we have to use these things but he didn't answer me.
Mom climbed over the back of our "car" and into the driver's seat and started it up. Then her cell phone rings and she answers and has a conversation with somebody while trying to get this car out of the parking space. She stops and I start to get in the back behind her and she proceeds to zoom off down the road, laughing like a maniac. leaving Dad and me with open gaped mouths and me just furious.
That's when I woke up and I woke up mad!
It started out with me meeting my parents somewhere in Japan. They were on vacation and I was traveling to one of my company's international offices. So I caught up with them in some sort of Japanese garden. We waited in line to go in and there was a vending machine type thing there. Mom thought it was a laundry machine (wash and dry your clothes while you wait type thing LOL) I don't know what it was but it cost $100 and I wasn't about to spend that much. Anyways, the Garden hostess came out and talked to us in broken english. She saw that I was carrying a paper bag and said I couldn't take that in with me. The bag just had gifts I bought a nearby shop but since it cost money, I wasn't going to ditch it. The hostess told me I could put the bag in the vending machine beside me (the one that cost $100). I said no, I'm not spending that much money because you won't let me take my bag in with me.
The lady started yelling at me in japanese. I don't know what she said but I'm sure curse words were involved. Finally, mom and dad said I could put my bag with theirs in their little rental car. The gal sighed and smiled and proceeded to wrap my bag in icy blue wrapping paper. I don't know why. lol
Finally it was our turn to go in to the garden. Yea it was pretty but I was bored so I must have pressed the fast forward button in my dream. lol Mom, Dad and I were walking out to the parking lot and my dad said the three of us can't fit in their one rental car, so we'd have to rent another. I was confused but went along with it. When we obtained another rental car, we walked back to the parking lot and dad said he'd take all the shopping bags in his car and that I could ride with mom. I watch him and he gets in this type of soap box derby race car with bags piled up behind him.
I start laughing at the sight of dad in a tiny thin race car and he's telling me to shut up and started explaining that space was an issue since there are so many people in japan and yadda yadda yadda.... I laughed some more until I saw the little race car that mom and I had to use. It was wedged in between an old VW Bug and another normal car. I asked dad why there are normal sized cars around and we have to use these things but he didn't answer me.
Mom climbed over the back of our "car" and into the driver's seat and started it up. Then her cell phone rings and she answers and has a conversation with somebody while trying to get this car out of the parking space. She stops and I start to get in the back behind her and she proceeds to zoom off down the road, laughing like a maniac. leaving Dad and me with open gaped mouths and me just furious.
That's when I woke up and I woke up mad!
Monday, April 13, 2009
A Date to Remember
I'm at my desk at work and I have one of those day calendars that still had Friday the 10th as the date. I flipped forward a couple of days to today's date and realized today is an anniversary of sorts. One year ago today, right about at this time, my parents were trying to get in touch with me. I do remember my mom on the cell phone saying "Stay where you are. Dad's on his way." Next thing I remember is opening the front door to see a bald police man standing there with paramedics behind him and my dad behind them. Evidently, it took them a lot of talking to convince me to open the door. Then I remember being on the stretcher and in the ambulance on my way to the hospital.
One year ago today, I had Viral Meningitis. Doctors at the time that I was admitted, didn't know if I had Encephalitis, Bacterial or Viral Meningitis. They didn't actually say it was Viral Meningitis until the 3rd day I was in the hospital. They were close to saying I had Encephalitis which is worse.
I know I need to let go of what happened but look at it from my point of view. It was the first time I had ever stayed in a hospital, I literally lost my mind and didn't know who anybody was and didn't know how to do simple things like turn the heat down or put a barrette in my hair. I had a fever of 102 and my normal temp is around 96 so I was very delirious. I also lost 9 pounds in the 4 days I was in the hospital because I couldn't keep anything down. I have very few memories of my battle with meningitis but what I do remember, I wish I didn't.
I had to be restrained in the hospital bed because I kept trying to leave. I remember those straps on my wrists and ankles. I believe I also had to be sedated. I remember the Doctors asking me what the date was and I said February 2005. I remember seeing my Dad burst into tears by my bed.
I also remember saying "I love you" a lot. According to my family, I said it to everybody who came near me. Doctors, nurses, and family members. That's the only good thing that happened.
After being admitted Sunday to the hospital, I was released the following Wednesday. I was only released because I forced myself to eat and was lucky enough the food stayed down. I was so exhausted and had no energy. I remember my parents taking me to the pharmacy on the way home from hospital, but don't remember for what medication.
I was out of work for about a month because of this sickness. Even though the meningitis was gone, I still had no energy and took many naps during the day and still had a headache from it. Then of course there were the many follow up appointments with my own doctor who had to run her own tests and be sure I was okay.
I was supposed to be on vacation April 13th through the 18th last year. I was supposed to go pick up my parents and we were going to drive to Las Vegas. So when I didn't show up at my parents doorstep, they called me. If they hadn't called me and figured out something was wrong, then who knows what would have happened. I had kept telling my mom that I had to go work and that's why she kept telling me to stay where I was. If I had gotten behind the wheel in that state of mind, I surely would have caused an accident.
It took me nearly all year to get over the fear of getting sick again. Scratch that, I'm not over that fear. I will always be afraid of getting Viral Meningitis again but now, at least I can shake a person's hand. The doctors told me that somebody probably had a cold or respiratory infection and when it got to me, my screwed up immune system mutated it and turned into the meningitis. Because of that, I will always have that fear of getting sick again.
I will always remember April 2008. I will always remember what it did to me and my family. In the future, I will try not to get choked up when remembering what happened.
One year ago today, I had Viral Meningitis. Doctors at the time that I was admitted, didn't know if I had Encephalitis, Bacterial or Viral Meningitis. They didn't actually say it was Viral Meningitis until the 3rd day I was in the hospital. They were close to saying I had Encephalitis which is worse.
I know I need to let go of what happened but look at it from my point of view. It was the first time I had ever stayed in a hospital, I literally lost my mind and didn't know who anybody was and didn't know how to do simple things like turn the heat down or put a barrette in my hair. I had a fever of 102 and my normal temp is around 96 so I was very delirious. I also lost 9 pounds in the 4 days I was in the hospital because I couldn't keep anything down. I have very few memories of my battle with meningitis but what I do remember, I wish I didn't.
I had to be restrained in the hospital bed because I kept trying to leave. I remember those straps on my wrists and ankles. I believe I also had to be sedated. I remember the Doctors asking me what the date was and I said February 2005. I remember seeing my Dad burst into tears by my bed.
I also remember saying "I love you" a lot. According to my family, I said it to everybody who came near me. Doctors, nurses, and family members. That's the only good thing that happened.
After being admitted Sunday to the hospital, I was released the following Wednesday. I was only released because I forced myself to eat and was lucky enough the food stayed down. I was so exhausted and had no energy. I remember my parents taking me to the pharmacy on the way home from hospital, but don't remember for what medication.
I was out of work for about a month because of this sickness. Even though the meningitis was gone, I still had no energy and took many naps during the day and still had a headache from it. Then of course there were the many follow up appointments with my own doctor who had to run her own tests and be sure I was okay.
I was supposed to be on vacation April 13th through the 18th last year. I was supposed to go pick up my parents and we were going to drive to Las Vegas. So when I didn't show up at my parents doorstep, they called me. If they hadn't called me and figured out something was wrong, then who knows what would have happened. I had kept telling my mom that I had to go work and that's why she kept telling me to stay where I was. If I had gotten behind the wheel in that state of mind, I surely would have caused an accident.
It took me nearly all year to get over the fear of getting sick again. Scratch that, I'm not over that fear. I will always be afraid of getting Viral Meningitis again but now, at least I can shake a person's hand. The doctors told me that somebody probably had a cold or respiratory infection and when it got to me, my screwed up immune system mutated it and turned into the meningitis. Because of that, I will always have that fear of getting sick again.
I will always remember April 2008. I will always remember what it did to me and my family. In the future, I will try not to get choked up when remembering what happened.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Shock to the heart
My mom is having problems getting her medications figured out. Last week, her blood thinner id was 3.9 and it needs to be between 2 and 3. Today, it was 1.5. so, they have to fiddle around with her meds again to get it right. Then, next Tuesday, she has to get a cardioversion done to get her heart back to a normal rhythm. I found this website which has a lot of good information about cardioversion. I always read up on anything medical because it helps me not only to understand what is going on but it makes me feel better as well. Although sometimes, it does cause more stress and worry by reading these things, I still would rather know than not know anything. So I sent that link to my family and also copied one part
"Because of residual effects of the anesthetic medications used, patients are advised not to drive or make any important decisions for the rest of the day. A responsible adult should be available to provide transportation home."
And then I said, "So mom is not allowed to drive or make any decisions and Do we have a responsible adult available? LOL"
I have to include a bit of humor in things otherwise we'd go nuts. I'm stressed enough as it is, so humor helps to ease it a bit.
Just thought I'd give an update to any readers I might have.
"Because of residual effects of the anesthetic medications used, patients are advised not to drive or make any important decisions for the rest of the day. A responsible adult should be available to provide transportation home."
And then I said, "So mom is not allowed to drive or make any decisions and Do we have a responsible adult available? LOL"
I have to include a bit of humor in things otherwise we'd go nuts. I'm stressed enough as it is, so humor helps to ease it a bit.
Just thought I'd give an update to any readers I might have.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Happy Birthday to me
Wellm I'm 37 years old today. Mentally, I very much feel like a teenager, complete with selfishness, rebelions, depressions, and mood swings. Physically, thanks to my arthritis, I feel like I'm 60 years old. Woke up this morning with fingers extremely stiff and sore but that's my own fault. I've been trying to get off the prednisone so only took 2 pills last night. But I took one this morning along with excedrin because of the sore fingers. On the plus side, my legs aren't that much of a problem anymore. My legs still bother me but my fingers and shoulders are worse. I can deal with the leg pains, no problem at all. It used to be, I'd have pain all through my body. While exercise has helped to dimish the leg pain, the pain is not gone completely.
Speaking of exercise, I need to get back on the gazelle today. My goal was to be 150 lbs by today. While I'm not 150, I'm still happy. I am at 159.5lbs today. yes, I lost 74.5 pounds. I have 9.5 more pounds to go to get to my goal. I'd like to try and lose as much of that as I can this week. The 15th is payday and I'll have extra money. Plus, my tax refunds are scheduled to be in my account around that date too. So next weekend, I can actually go shopping. So I want to lose as much weight as I can before then, so I can hope, pray, beg, squeeze into a size 12. At this moment, I don't see size 12 as a possibility. I feel fat. but I'm holding on to a thread of hope that it can happen.
No plans for my birthday. haven't heard from any family members so it looks like I'll be spending it alone. If that is still the case by noon, I'll go to the liquor store and buy myself a treat. Then go to the grocery store and treat myself to a steak. Steak is so darn expensive these days, and I haven't bought any for probably a year now. But It's my birthday and darn it, I'm worth it.
So today, I'll do more writing, exercise, maybe clean up this pig sty I live in and also go to the store. Once I can actually bend my fingers, then I'll get on the gazelle. No use in trying to use the Gazelle when you can't grip the handles. Maybe I'll go soak my fingers in extremely hot (almost burning) water. That always does the trick.
Thank you to my friends who have already wished me a happy birthday. You guys are great and I love ya! That's all from me, see ya on the 'net. Oh, and get up and move! Dance to your own tune and Dance like nobody's watching!
Speaking of exercise, I need to get back on the gazelle today. My goal was to be 150 lbs by today. While I'm not 150, I'm still happy. I am at 159.5lbs today. yes, I lost 74.5 pounds. I have 9.5 more pounds to go to get to my goal. I'd like to try and lose as much of that as I can this week. The 15th is payday and I'll have extra money. Plus, my tax refunds are scheduled to be in my account around that date too. So next weekend, I can actually go shopping. So I want to lose as much weight as I can before then, so I can hope, pray, beg, squeeze into a size 12. At this moment, I don't see size 12 as a possibility. I feel fat. but I'm holding on to a thread of hope that it can happen.
No plans for my birthday. haven't heard from any family members so it looks like I'll be spending it alone. If that is still the case by noon, I'll go to the liquor store and buy myself a treat. Then go to the grocery store and treat myself to a steak. Steak is so darn expensive these days, and I haven't bought any for probably a year now. But It's my birthday and darn it, I'm worth it.
So today, I'll do more writing, exercise, maybe clean up this pig sty I live in and also go to the store. Once I can actually bend my fingers, then I'll get on the gazelle. No use in trying to use the Gazelle when you can't grip the handles. Maybe I'll go soak my fingers in extremely hot (almost burning) water. That always does the trick.
Thank you to my friends who have already wished me a happy birthday. You guys are great and I love ya! That's all from me, see ya on the 'net. Oh, and get up and move! Dance to your own tune and Dance like nobody's watching!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Confidence has escaped me
I'm having a no confidence day today. I try to read something on the internet and get confused, don't understand what I'm reading. A website says they are explaining things in layman's terms and yet, I still don't understand what I'm reading. It makes me feel like an idiot. So I've lost confidence in my mental status.
I had been thinking about treating myself to new shoes this weekend since my one pair of shoes, sneakers, have holes in the top of them. I started thinking about what kind of shoes I'd be able to get. Well, heels are not an option becuase I need something with a lot of cushion in the balls of the feet. Plus, due to my extra wide feet, I can barely find any pair of shoes that fit. So the shoes have to be extra wide. And I have to be able to wear them all day long without foot pain because of my arthritis. So all those factors limit what kind of shoes I can buy. So me spending a day trying on hundred pairs of shoes just to find one pair that fits, does not sound like a treat. So my confidence about shopping is gone.
And besides all that, despite the scale saying 159.5 this morning, I'm feeling fat right now and depressed. I hate my feet. I hate my body. I hate my mental inability to think things through. I was actuall on the verge of tears earlier because I felt so stupid.
To top it off, my birthday is saturday and I'm turning 37. This is going to sound totally selfish but I don't care. Normally, my family has emailed me by now because they want to take me out to dinner or have dinner at their house. Nobody has mentioned a damned thing which is not like them. Did I royally piss them off or something? I will never know because they don't talk about their feelings with me. My family doesn't make it easy to talk to them. Which is why I always write. Whether it's in a private journal or online somewhere. So now, I feel stupid, fat, clown feet, and over emotional. Just lovely..
Oh, I have an idea now. I'll stop at the liquor store tomorrow and get some bloody mary fixings. I have all sorts of liquor here at home (don't know why, since I really don't drink by myself). So maybe that will be my treat to myself. Bloody Marys since I'm so bloody stupid. Yea.. lovely..
If the rare readers I do have, have made it this far... sorry about the negative post but we can't be all sunshine and flowers all the time.
I had been thinking about treating myself to new shoes this weekend since my one pair of shoes, sneakers, have holes in the top of them. I started thinking about what kind of shoes I'd be able to get. Well, heels are not an option becuase I need something with a lot of cushion in the balls of the feet. Plus, due to my extra wide feet, I can barely find any pair of shoes that fit. So the shoes have to be extra wide. And I have to be able to wear them all day long without foot pain because of my arthritis. So all those factors limit what kind of shoes I can buy. So me spending a day trying on hundred pairs of shoes just to find one pair that fits, does not sound like a treat. So my confidence about shopping is gone.
And besides all that, despite the scale saying 159.5 this morning, I'm feeling fat right now and depressed. I hate my feet. I hate my body. I hate my mental inability to think things through. I was actuall on the verge of tears earlier because I felt so stupid.
To top it off, my birthday is saturday and I'm turning 37. This is going to sound totally selfish but I don't care. Normally, my family has emailed me by now because they want to take me out to dinner or have dinner at their house. Nobody has mentioned a damned thing which is not like them. Did I royally piss them off or something? I will never know because they don't talk about their feelings with me. My family doesn't make it easy to talk to them. Which is why I always write. Whether it's in a private journal or online somewhere. So now, I feel stupid, fat, clown feet, and over emotional. Just lovely..
Oh, I have an idea now. I'll stop at the liquor store tomorrow and get some bloody mary fixings. I have all sorts of liquor here at home (don't know why, since I really don't drink by myself). So maybe that will be my treat to myself. Bloody Marys since I'm so bloody stupid. Yea.. lovely..
If the rare readers I do have, have made it this far... sorry about the negative post but we can't be all sunshine and flowers all the time.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Update on Mom
my dad sent an email earlier "Dr. visited at 5PM. Mom will be on Diuretics and two heart meds,one for blood pressure control the other for heart rate control and Heparinto thin her blood. The underlying cause(s) are fluid build up, uncontrolledfibrillation hat might be fixed with a small shock later when she is morestable and a partially occluded heart artery. There will be a heart cathlater when the blood thinner levels are finally adjusted to address the POSSIBLE blockage. She might go home tomorrow."
Of course we all want to know what has caused this episode and heart trouble and just saying fluid build up is not a cause. what caused the fluid build up? I'm keeping quiet but one sister and my aunt have replied to all asking those questions and they feel like the cardiologist is just treating the symptoms and not looking for the source. To us, this means that mom will go home thinking nothing is wrong and she'll go back to her old ways.
I know my mom wants to come home but we all feel (except maybe dad of course) that she should stay there in the hospital another couple of days so they can find the darn cause of this crud. She's never had a heart attack and there's no scarring on her heart (test says so). so we know that's not a cause. If it's a blockage, they need to look for it and find that now instead of putting it off. She was supposed to have a Trans Esophogeal Electrocardigram test today but they cancelled that for unknown reasons. It's a good hospital, but either Dad isn't telling us everything or the doctor is not doing everything.
I haven't seen Mom today, I was a walking zombie all through work and felt I needed to go directly home instead of to hospital. Even now, I'm just too tired to think anymore..
I give up on trying to understand anything.. I'll just step away from the computer and maybe go to bed 3 hours early.
Of course we all want to know what has caused this episode and heart trouble and just saying fluid build up is not a cause. what caused the fluid build up? I'm keeping quiet but one sister and my aunt have replied to all asking those questions and they feel like the cardiologist is just treating the symptoms and not looking for the source. To us, this means that mom will go home thinking nothing is wrong and she'll go back to her old ways.
I know my mom wants to come home but we all feel (except maybe dad of course) that she should stay there in the hospital another couple of days so they can find the darn cause of this crud. She's never had a heart attack and there's no scarring on her heart (test says so). so we know that's not a cause. If it's a blockage, they need to look for it and find that now instead of putting it off. She was supposed to have a Trans Esophogeal Electrocardigram test today but they cancelled that for unknown reasons. It's a good hospital, but either Dad isn't telling us everything or the doctor is not doing everything.
I haven't seen Mom today, I was a walking zombie all through work and felt I needed to go directly home instead of to hospital. Even now, I'm just too tired to think anymore..
I give up on trying to understand anything.. I'll just step away from the computer and maybe go to bed 3 hours early.
Waiting for News
UPDATED: LATEST EMAIL FROM DAD.... Dr. (Cardiologist) put Mom on 2.o liters of Oxygen down from 7.5 liters as a test and wants her to walk the hallway to see what happens.Will continue meds to reduce fluid build up. Stress test showed no scar onthe heart, no heart attack. Heart rate down to 100 or so.No T.E.E. procedure, cancelled. Will continue on blood thinner. MAY be sprung tomorrow, with more tests to come after getting stabilized with all her new meds. Lunch now after another 18 hour fast, then shower."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Below are just a few email updates from my Dad who got his laptop going at the hospital yesterday. We are basically still waiting for news from the doctors. Waiting Sucks! I didn't sleep well last night. Got to sleep around midnight and woke up at 4:15 am. I kept dreaming that my cell phone was ringing and I even got up at 1:45am to check my cell phone (no calls). Here I am at work, until 4pm (hopefully I can leave at 3pm but still waiting for word from boss who is in an airplane on his way to headquarters). Once I leave work, I'll go directly over to the hospital to see Mom and visit with her. I'll cut the visit short tonight since I know I'm going to be so exhausted by then.
When I saw Mom last night, her color appeared better and she could go up to 1000 on the breathing spirometer thinga-ma-jig. Her heart rate was still high but she appeared to be better already. I hope she continues to feel better. I'll post more when I hear anything, if I'm still awake, that is.
Email from 8:30am 1-22-08
Nothing new from the doctors as of 8 AM. Mom slept well but still has a high pulse rate. Hoping to see a cardiologist sooooon. The Trans Esophogeal Electrocardigram procedure is pending.... No food since 6 PM lastnight...again.... will update when things change.
Email from 2:45pm 1-21-08
Mom had her PIC dressing and site cleaned and redressed. Then had a shotof Heparin and a dose of Levaquin (antibiotic). We are waiting for resultsfrom stress test. The Cardiologist will read after hours, he's in his officeright now.
Email from 2pm 1-21-08
Mom had a resting stress test this morning, the active test was cancelledby the doctor. She is scheduled for a "T.E.E" Trans Esophogeal Elecrocaridgram tomorrow morning. Her heart muscle is weak, the heart rateat 132 at lunch time.She's taking Potassium, LASIX, Furosemide,Digoxin, Vasotec, Aldactone,Coumadin (Wafrin) and a few other things, I missed in additin to her regularmeds.There is talk of a heart cath, but it won't happen while her blood thinnerid high. The cath may show a blockage or other problem that will be addressed. It's hard to digest the info as it comes fast & furious. I'll piece more together as best I can.
Monday, January 21, 2008
I cried today...
I just got off the phone with my sister. They can't do the stress test because her heart is too weak due to a blockage. They can't go in and see where the blockage is via angiogram because she's on Blood thinners and they can't stop the blood thinners completely because of what's going on with her heart. They will take her off most of the blood thinners so that they can do angiogram. And if her heart rate doesn't go down today, they will shock her tomorrow to force it to sort of reset the heart rhythm.
The doctor said that given what my sisters told the doctor (stuff that my mom failed to mention), he thinks the blockage has been there for awhile. This means my mom ignored her damn health for years. Once they can get in and see where the blockage is and what kind it is, they'll know more and "if" they can even fix it. That was the doctor's wording. If...
That sent me to tears. My mom ignored her health and ignored the signs that something was wrong and because of it, her heart problems may be too bad to be fixed. It may be too late. So my sister and I cried for a minute on the phone together. then I thought I had my tears under control. Then she told me that Dad was up way too early this morning and he was wandering around the house, crying. That set me off again.
For years and years, my mom has always been after my dad to go to the doctor for every little thing and I've told her to go to the doctor or to ask her own doctor about stuff she'd ask me about. But did she ever discuss any of her own breathing issues or pains or bodily issues with her doctor? No. She ignored it. I'm so pissed off at her and myself as well.
So here I sit. Crying as I type. trying to digest the news. anger and sadness run rampant through me. I want to go see her but I don't think I should since I've had a runny nose all morning long. If I'm catching a cold, I don't want to spread any germs on her. On the plus side, Mom is feeling a bit better. The diuretics they gave her are working and she can breath a bit better. Yesterday she could only go up to 500 on the spirometer but today she can go up to 1000. I believe it's supposed to be around 2000 for healthy people. She did have a really horrrible bloody nose this morning and another doctor (ear, nose and throat doc) is going to see her to see what to do about that. 2nd bloody nose in 2 days.
Tears have dried a bit now, at least for a few minutes. I need the courage to go over there and see her. My sister says even if I am getting a cold, just make sure I don't breath on her. But I think I'm too afraid to step into the hospital again. I'll wait a couple of hours and then see if I can gather up the strength and courage to go see her. It is evident now that she is not coming home this week.
on no, here come the tears again.
The doctor said that given what my sisters told the doctor (stuff that my mom failed to mention), he thinks the blockage has been there for awhile. This means my mom ignored her damn health for years. Once they can get in and see where the blockage is and what kind it is, they'll know more and "if" they can even fix it. That was the doctor's wording. If...
That sent me to tears. My mom ignored her health and ignored the signs that something was wrong and because of it, her heart problems may be too bad to be fixed. It may be too late. So my sister and I cried for a minute on the phone together. then I thought I had my tears under control. Then she told me that Dad was up way too early this morning and he was wandering around the house, crying. That set me off again.
For years and years, my mom has always been after my dad to go to the doctor for every little thing and I've told her to go to the doctor or to ask her own doctor about stuff she'd ask me about. But did she ever discuss any of her own breathing issues or pains or bodily issues with her doctor? No. She ignored it. I'm so pissed off at her and myself as well.
So here I sit. Crying as I type. trying to digest the news. anger and sadness run rampant through me. I want to go see her but I don't think I should since I've had a runny nose all morning long. If I'm catching a cold, I don't want to spread any germs on her. On the plus side, Mom is feeling a bit better. The diuretics they gave her are working and she can breath a bit better. Yesterday she could only go up to 500 on the spirometer but today she can go up to 1000. I believe it's supposed to be around 2000 for healthy people. She did have a really horrrible bloody nose this morning and another doctor (ear, nose and throat doc) is going to see her to see what to do about that. 2nd bloody nose in 2 days.
Tears have dried a bit now, at least for a few minutes. I need the courage to go over there and see her. My sister says even if I am getting a cold, just make sure I don't breath on her. But I think I'm too afraid to step into the hospital again. I'll wait a couple of hours and then see if I can gather up the strength and courage to go see her. It is evident now that she is not coming home this week.
on no, here come the tears again.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
When a loved one is hurting
Friday the 18th, I was sitting at my desk at work and checked my email. One of my sister's said that Mom had been having breathing difficulties all week and is going to the urgent care clinic and then added at the end that parents changed their minds and were going to the Emergency room instead. So I waited impatiently for more news. About 20 minutes later, my sister called and said they were going to admit my mom into the hospital for Atrial Fiberillation. So I ran out of the office, drove down in record time to my aunt's house, picked her up and made it to the hospital to check on mom. Her resting heart rate was about 135 when I got there. When she got to ER it was 160. Normal resting heart rate is 60 to 80 beats per minute. Yesterday, her blood pressure was 174 over 93. So, lots of blood tests, x-rays, an EKG, an echocardigram, lots of medications, and impatiently waiting for more news... Today, I found out it's congestive heart failure but they still need to find out why and what the cause is. So there she lies, in the hospital bed, getting treated and not getting any sleep, waiting for more news and for numbers to go down. When I left today, her heart rate was about 105 and her blood pressure was 133 over 85. So while the medications they are giving her are making the numbers go down, she still doesn't feel any better. Shallow breathing and she can't catch her breathe, so she's been on oxygen since she got there.
Tomorrow, she'll undergo a medicated stress test since she can't take a normal stress test on a treadmill. She's exhausted and now nauseous from the potassium drink they give her. My dad is worried sick and ignoring his own health. Mom is 65 and dad is 63. They have been married since April 3, 1962. so 45 years together. We are all used to seeing my dad in and out of hospitals for various reasons and while my mom has had her share of hospital visits, this is unusual for her. So it's hard on all of us to see Mom like this and especially hard on my Dad. When you are married that long, your souls become so intertwined that when something like this happens, both of them feel it. So we have to watch out for Dad's well being too.
I know one sister has cried a lot and I know everybody is worried sick and scared as hell. I haven't cried which is a shock. I'm normally the one to cry about anything. I can feel the sobs that are stuck in my throat. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. but it receeds into the abyss and nothing happens. I am so scared that my mom won't follow the doctors instructions (no salt, sodium in anything, no more alcohol, and that's going to be the hardest on her). My mom is not an alcoholic by my definition but she has a drink nearly every day. She doesn't get to the drunk stage, just lightly buzzed. And I already heard her joke with the nurse to have them add tequila to the potassium liquid they make her drink.
I can't think straight. I can't seem to do any writing of my books or poetry. I just find myself sitting here at the computer, staring at it, or staring at the tv. I haven't even been to my usual forums and online friends except one spot. A quick hello and a huge thank you to my PTU family. You guys are the best and without you, I would truly be lost right now.
Since I haven't been to my usual sites, I thought I'd post everything here in case anyone actually does read my blog. I would never know since nobody ever comments on here even though I have open commenting so anybody in the world can comment. Just a pet peeve of mine regarding not hearing from people but that started with family and I'm trying my damnedest to stop that habbit and pet peeve. But come on, People!! Just post something, will ya?! Otherwise what's the bloomin' point of this blog?!!
sorry, sorry... didn't mean for to type that.. Like I said, can't think straight. How did a post about my mom turn into a complaint about comments? Geez... maybe I'm the one who needs a drink. I have wine that's been sitting in my pantry for over a year. Maybe I'll use it...
Anyways, if I hear anything new today, I'll post an update here and on PTU. Thanks to any readers for actually reading my babble.
Tomorrow, she'll undergo a medicated stress test since she can't take a normal stress test on a treadmill. She's exhausted and now nauseous from the potassium drink they give her. My dad is worried sick and ignoring his own health. Mom is 65 and dad is 63. They have been married since April 3, 1962. so 45 years together. We are all used to seeing my dad in and out of hospitals for various reasons and while my mom has had her share of hospital visits, this is unusual for her. So it's hard on all of us to see Mom like this and especially hard on my Dad. When you are married that long, your souls become so intertwined that when something like this happens, both of them feel it. So we have to watch out for Dad's well being too.
I know one sister has cried a lot and I know everybody is worried sick and scared as hell. I haven't cried which is a shock. I'm normally the one to cry about anything. I can feel the sobs that are stuck in my throat. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. but it receeds into the abyss and nothing happens. I am so scared that my mom won't follow the doctors instructions (no salt, sodium in anything, no more alcohol, and that's going to be the hardest on her). My mom is not an alcoholic by my definition but she has a drink nearly every day. She doesn't get to the drunk stage, just lightly buzzed. And I already heard her joke with the nurse to have them add tequila to the potassium liquid they make her drink.
I can't think straight. I can't seem to do any writing of my books or poetry. I just find myself sitting here at the computer, staring at it, or staring at the tv. I haven't even been to my usual forums and online friends except one spot. A quick hello and a huge thank you to my PTU family. You guys are the best and without you, I would truly be lost right now.
Since I haven't been to my usual sites, I thought I'd post everything here in case anyone actually does read my blog. I would never know since nobody ever comments on here even though I have open commenting so anybody in the world can comment. Just a pet peeve of mine regarding not hearing from people but that started with family and I'm trying my damnedest to stop that habbit and pet peeve. But come on, People!! Just post something, will ya?! Otherwise what's the bloomin' point of this blog?!!
sorry, sorry... didn't mean for to type that.. Like I said, can't think straight. How did a post about my mom turn into a complaint about comments? Geez... maybe I'm the one who needs a drink. I have wine that's been sitting in my pantry for over a year. Maybe I'll use it...
Anyways, if I hear anything new today, I'll post an update here and on PTU. Thanks to any readers for actually reading my babble.
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