Rare Post

This is a rare post. I don't talk about religion with anybody. I respect other beliefs as long as they don't shove their beliefs down my throat. I have religious family members so i don't want to get in a discussion about religion with them. I mainly want to get my thoughts out there.

Now, these thoughts came because I'm watching a movie and people are praying. "Hail Mary, mother of God…". That made me think. Why do they say mother of God? Jesus was human, son of God and Mary. If they think Jesus Christ is a God, then there is more than God. If that is true, than there is no "one true God".

By saying "mother of God" and by saying Jesus Christ is a God, then there is more than one God. That is my understanding of it.

I don't want to insult people and that's not what I'm doing. I'm just saying stuff the way I understand them.

Moved my poems

I moved my poetry offline because too many people were sharing them without giving me credit. Not mad at them.. just tired. Sorry I haven't been here in so long. I'm chronically ill, chronically in pain, forever fatigued...

Sent from my iPad

Youcaring: Donate please! Fundraiser help

I don't know if I still get any readers but I'm putting this here anyway. Please help and share!

Urgent!! I need a lot of money but donate what you can! Help Katie with Disability Expenses #crowdfunding #YouCaring #arthritis #RASucks #Help #fundraising
https://t.co/Yg8YIS6c0M via @youcaring

— Katie DesChenes (@KDinColorado) November 14, 2017

Posts

I've removed a lot of old posts. I still have them but you can't see them.  I have my reasons.  so if you're looking for something, leave a comment and let me know why.

Dream time!

Last night I had a strange dream.   Every time I thought about writing it down today, the thought escaped me and I forgot again. So I’m writing now while I can. Lol

Okay, it starred me and Damon Wayans.  This guy > http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001834/    I was in jeans and t-shirt.  Damon was dressed oddly.   He had skin tight purple leggings with a paisley top that hung off of one shoulder and he had a red bandana on his head and he wore big loop earrings. O.o  lmao  Anyways, We were in this huge building. It wasn’t a house. I think it was underground.  We were in a very long hallway and I couldn’t see either end of it.  Along the hallway were tons of doors.  I wanted to just walk down the hallway and find the end of it. Damon thought the way out was behind a door.  So he was opening each door.  He had a funny talk too.

“Let’s see what’s behind this one.”  He opens door and screams like a girl, and slams it shut. “Okay, not this one.  Let’s go to the next one.”

It would go on and on like that.  He wasn’t finding anything good behind the doors but I was laughing too much to be scared.

We were on like the 12th door when I woke up.  

Cleaning when you hurt

I have rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis and maybe even a touch of psoriatic arthritis.   What does that mean?  It means, I'm fatigued (imagine not sleeping for 72 hours.  that's how I feel all the time).  I have no energy at all.  and I'm in pain. A lot of pain most of the day.    I'm on medications but so far, they aren't helping.   So I resort to ibuprofen which isn't exactly good for you.  

Anyways, being in so much pain and so fatigued means my apartment is a mess.   Just standing and doing dishes for 10 minutes hurts like hell.    I just spent the last 10 minutes picking up small items off the floor or table and either throwing them away or putting them away.  The cost of that 10 minutes?  My back is screaming at me, my knees are cursing at me and body is craving caffeine to be injected through an IV.  

I have groceries to be put away (thank God there's grocery delivery).  I have to dust some more.  and I have a ton of shit to throw out. And that's just day to day stuff.  I also need to declutter my apartment to make it easier to clean and put things away.  My dinning room table collects the mail and other papers so I need to go through that. I have empty boxes to throw out. I have to vacuum and let's not even look at the kitchen floor. Plus, I really need to go through my clothes and get rid of a ton of stuff I don't wear.

The problem is the pain.  I have referrals in to see the orthopedic clinic and even a spine pain clinic.   so eventually, I hope to get help for the pain.  Until then, I need to come up with a plan of attack for the apartment.  I need to work in 5 to 10 minute breaks or learn to do stuff while sitting on my wheeled walker that has a built in seat. I also need to pick up a reacher grabber thingy.    I tried looking online for tips for cleaning while disabled but didn't find what I needed.

so Here's my plan:  

• clean 5 to 10 minutes.  Rest until pain lets up (probably a half hour or more).   then clean for another 5 to 10 minutes.   
• Don't make repeat trips.  Condense the trips.   Throw away stuff while you are on the way to put things away.  
• Also, maybe don't leave an area until you've done all you can do in that area. 
• Carry around a plastic grocery bag to put trash in, instead of walking back to the kitchen to throw stuff away. 
• Save bigger tasks for good days.  I can't vacuum today.  back hurts too much.  Don't try to vacuum the whole apartment at once either. 
• Sit as much as I can.   If something can be done while sitting, drag a chair over and do it.  

yea, that's my plan so far of just what I thought of in the past 20 minutes.    Moral of all this...  Pain sucks.  I may not look like I'm in pain (I hide it well.) but I'm miserable.   and yet, I still have to clean.  ugh..

Random Thoughts

Humans have come a long way since we first walked the earth.  We have cars, a roof over our heads that protect us from nature.   We have food and water readily available.  We don’t have to hunt for our food but some still do.  City folks don’t have to grow their own food because others will do that for them.  We have grocery stores to buy our food.   We have technology to talk to people around the world.  We can fly anywhere in the world and see far off places.   

Yes, we’ve come a long way.  BUT… and this is a big but.   We still have crime.  We still have violence.  We still have greed.  We still have hate.  We still have war.  Why?    Because humans will never change.  Yes, we walk upright, we wear fancy clothes, type on computers, keep our eyes glued to our smart phones before we drive somewhere in a fancy car.  Our technology has changed from the hammer and chisel or stone wheels or whatever.  But humans are the same from any time period.  

I’ve heard somewhere that when you are reincarnated, you have been sent back because you didn’t learn some lesson in your previous life.  If that’s true, it’s no wonder humans haven’t changed. Are we living the same lives over and over again, doomed to fail because we’ll never learn the lesson?  Will we never have peace when a person who fought a war in medieval times has been reincarnated and craves war again?  

We need new souls. They are few and far between.  We also need to learn our lesson.   War accomplishes nothing.  Violence accomplishes nothing.   People fight for what they believe in and those who don’t share the same beliefs are doomed. 
     
If reincarnation exists, then there will never be peace on earth because everybody will keep repeating the mistakes of the past.   

Reader check and book update

Is anybody reading my blog?  If so, please comment, just to let me know that you've been here.

Also, for the readers, Since I've been laid off, I've been thinking of my books a lot.  I think I may attempt to publish this year.  I just need to tally the costs and see if I can swing it in my budget.  Unless somebody wants to donate using the go fund me site to the right or click this link (https://www.gofundme.com/publishmeplease)  I may not be able to budget publishing a book.  

However, I read through my old synopsis of my first choice of books to be published and I'm not sure I like it.  I think I need to rewrite it.  What do you folks think?  


The Perfect Time

When an infection hospitalizes Sarah, she begins speaking a strange language.   Sally, her best friend, records what she said and gets it translated with shocking results.   Once Sarah is released from the hospital, her friend tells her about the episodes of her speaking in tongues.   She learns she’s lived before in sixteenth century Scotland and was married to an abusive Laird.  Her 16th century version has secrets that may cause harm to her and the blacksmith known as Tanner.  Little did she know that the choice made in the sixteenth century would have repercussions today.

Genres:  Historical Romance, Past Lives, Romantic Comedy

Stress

 I was laid off of work for the first time ever. My last day was February 29th.  I've been panicky, depressed, angry, and stressed.  Stress is not good for my rheumatoid arthritis.  So yes, I was in pain too.  Probably more so than usual.  

When you are in pain every day, you learn to brush it off or hide it so others don't realize you're hurting.  I hide it very well and even manage to fool myself into thinking it's not that bad.  I didn't realize how much I fooled myself until I started to focusing on the symptoms.  

On Monday the 7th, I started a log .   It's just an excel spreadsheet where I list basic activities, pain level, where it hurts, etc.  

I only have four days worth of stuff and already it's made me think.  When you have to rate your pain level, it makes you ask yourself, why didn't I say anything sooner?  or Why didn't I get help?   Because I've learned to hide the pain, the fatigue, and all the other crap on a day to day basis.  With work, I always had something to distract me from how crappy I felt. Since I'm not working, well... no distractions and a lot of thinking.  Self realization.  

The thought of finding another job is scary.  it's terrifying to me.  I haven't had a job interview in nearly 18 years. I'm sure that it's normal to be scared and intimidated over the thought of looking for another job, getting those interviews. 

But I realized something else.   What is making me panic and stress is the thought of having to walk in a huge office.  How many steps to the bathroom?  What's the shortest route to the bathroom?  Would I be allowed to take frequent breaks?  Because I can't stay seated behind a desk for more than hour or my legs hurt and get stiff.  If I can't take frequent breaks, would my future boss think it's okay to wander around my cube or just to stand for a few minutes.  Speaking of standing, I can't stand longer than a half hour or my poor feet hurt worse. 

so yea, I have those thoughts going on.   The symptom log I started has made me realize that I shouldn't be hiding what Rheumatoid Arthritis is doing to me.  I haven't seen a rheumatologist in years and that's biting me in the ass now.  Why haven't I seen a RA doc?  Because I have had horrible luck with them and the medications they put you on are insane.   I know I have to find an RA Doc once my health insurance is figured out but I just hope he's going to listen to me. 

I won't go into my reason about why I don't like the medications or my history with RA docs. You can see my post from last year by clicking here.  So now, I need to find a rheumatologist who will listen to me and help me and that might take a while. 

Wish me luck!

Dream time!

Last night, I dreamed that I was at a grocery store in the checkout.  It was my turn and the cashier sort of looked like Angela Bassett.  I struck up a conversation with her and she had a New Orleans accent.  I told her I had been laid off so jokingly asked if she could give me any deals.    She said she’d see what she could do.   She then talked about herself. she said she married James Garner last year but nobody believed her because he died in 2014.  I told her it did seem pretty unbelievable.   

She leaned closer to me and said “Ah, but I’ll let you in on a secret, cher.  I brought him back to life.  I ask the spirits to bring him back to me and they listened.   I will ask the spirits to help you too.” 

The whole time, a customer behind me is snorting and laughing and not hiding the fact that he thinks the cashier is fruity.  I’m thinking, but James Garner died in 2014. She’s not really married to him.  Maybe she’s an obsessed fan who can’t deal with his death.  Then I suddenly hear her say.  “Ah, yes. here he comes now.”  

I look up and here comes James freaking Garner walking up to her with a huge smile on his face.  He looks younger, maybe in his 50s.  I’m stunned as he walks right up to her and kisses her.   He looks at me and I just say “uh... Hi James.”  

“Hi yourself.  I see she’s been talking about me again.”    

“Yea. she has.”  

The cashier is smiling huge because she’s looking around and all her coworkers have basically stopped doing anything and are staring at James Garner.   I lean back in to her and say  “So, do you think the spirits really could help me?”

And then I woke up.  

Dream time: The Dollhouse Mysteries

Last night, I had a fun dream.  I was in a room with a lot of other people. It was like a classroom and we all had large desks in front of us.  We were given assignments to find another way to do what you loved.  If you loved painting, you had to use another medium like chalk or pencil.  If you loved making things out of clay, you had to try using wood.  Me?  Since I loved to write, I had to find another way to get my story across and not use something simple like a video camera.

I chose to use a doll house.   Yup, it was a huge doll house with three floors, and six rooms on each floor.  The house opened up down the middle so you could see three rooms on each side of the floor split.    So I sat there with the doll house in front of me and thought of what story to use.  Like my writing, I didn't have anything planned out.  I just decided to start with a room and go from there.  I started with the attic and added boxes and trunks and ghosts.  Let me say that i somehow had everything in miniature in front of me. Everything I needed was there. Well, except for the ghosts.  for those, I took miniature dress mannequins and wrapped tissue paper around them.  lol

Attic was done. Moved on to the next room.  There, I started adding a bedroom set made of some light colored wood.  Everything was pristine and beautiful except there was a red liquid spilled on the bed.   The next room was a bathroom with the usual features.  I added a naked doll so that he was taking a shower.    The third room was another bedroom with blues of various shades.  All normal except for the two kids, a girl and a boy, huddled and shivering in a corner.  

On and on the rooms went, each with their scenes.  The dream fast forwards a bit and I'm working on the final room. The living room.  It was a Christmas scene. A decorated christmas tree next to a couch.  Stockings, and garland decorating the fireplace. Christmas lights were lined up along the archway that led to the dining room.  In the corner, behind the couch, a man was hanging from the ceiling. O.o  Yup. A man hung from a noose and slightly swayed.

The instructor came over to see what I had done and I was just putting up the finishing touch of a skeleton on a rocking chair on the porch.   I smiled brightly at the instructor who had a look of horror on his face as he examined all the rooms.   I was proud of my work and couldn't wait to get his opinion.   unfortunately, I woke up just as he looked at me and started to back away from me. lmao

Help me!

I have had  go fund me page active for a month and no donations yet.  I'm hoping i can keep it active. If not, I'll just keep creating a new one.   so here ya go.   Click on the link below to help me out!

https://www.gofundme.com/publishmeplease

Truthful Ramblings

We've all seen quotes about how the truth will set you free or the truth will prevail.  Those sort of quotes.   Personally, I don't believe it.  What one person sees as truth, another person will see as a lie. 

Opinions are freely given these days.  Unfortunately, I feel like some people believe their opinion is the truth of the matter.   Opinions interfere with everything.  

If two people witness the same event, their descriptions will come up differently.  And each person will believe they are telling the truth and the other person is wrong.  

People see things differently.  And because of this, the meaning of the word truth is messed up. That will not change.  

People often wish for world peace.   But I don't see this being possible because of what I said before.   Two sides of a war. Each side believing they are telling the truth of a matter and the other lies.  Who is right?  Who is wrong?   What one person sees as truth, another person will see as a lie. There is no truth in this instance.  Because of this, there can be no world peace.   

Are you honestly going to tell me that you would shake hands with your greatest enemy and say, "No more battles.  Ever."  and tell me it's the truth?  It won't happen.   As long as human beings have free will, free thought, there will be no world peace.  There will be no truth.  



"You can be standing right in front of the truth and not necessarily see it, and people only get it when they're ready to get it."  ~GEORGE HARRISON

Odd things Writers learn

When you are a writer, sometimes you need to search on the internet for details on how to do things.  For example, I just learned how to get blood off of walls using meat tenderizer.   If anybody ever looks at my search history, I will be in trouble.  Seriously, how many people look up "how to remove blood from walls"?   In the past, I've also looked up brain tumors and learned the different symptoms that depend on where the tumor is located in the head.  I've searched for how police treat crime scenes and if they can find out what kind of blood it is merely by blood type (like A+, B, etc) and that answer is no.   I've learned how to set up security cameras and the fact that they need a transmitter or two.  I've learned a lot of things that I probably won't remember until I look it up again.

I'm sure other people have odd things in their search history. It just tickles me when I search for something and wonder what is in other writers search history.  

Donate to worthy cause!

My friend helped get a food pantry started in her apartment building.  They got a grant from the state of Vermont but that money is running out.  They need more money to help fill up the food pantry.   Read more about it here!   I've shared it on Facebook and twitter and thought  it couldn't hurt to post here too.  Please click the link and donate!!

https://www.gofundme.com/pn76qyd4  

Howdy all!

Hello to all new visitors.  If you are new here, let me tell about this blog.  I named this blog The Dream Writer because I am a writer who has wacky dreams. I try to post here often but sometimes forget or can't think of anything good to post.  However, I've decided I'm going to post here whether it's good or not. Lucky you. LOL

First, a reminder. You can see past posts by clicking on the Blog Archive section or by clicking on words in the Labels section to the right.  If you click on the labels called Poem, you'll see all my posts with poems in them.  If you click on Dream, you'll see all my posts about my dreams. You get the idea.  

Now on to a dream I had last night.  

The dream starts with me watching TV.  only thing I remember seeing on the tv is seeing a commercial.  It’s a man and a woman skiing down a mountain.  They are wearing matching ski pants and bras.  yes, the man was wearing a bra.  O.o     Then the dream jumps.  I had snuck in to an auditorium filled with a ton of people.  It had stadium seating around 3 walls.  They ushered one woman out who wasn’t supposed to be there so I kind of sank down in my seat.   The woman next to me was standing and trying to calm everybody down because they were angry somebody had snuck in.  I look up at the woman and it’s Ellen DeGeneres.  She sees me trying to be invisible and sits down while she says:

“Oh, you can stay.  Don’t worry. It was just that woman who couldn’t.   You’ll need to turn off your phone though.  We don’t allow those in here.”  

I fumble with my phone and a notebook. “Can I write down stuff?”

“Oh sure. just turn off the phone.”  

I manage to find the mute switch and turn it off.   The phone in turn calls me Bitch repeatedly before shutting up. Ellen looks at it and then at me  “Did it just call you a bitch?”

my mouth hangs open a bit, “Yea I guess it did.”  

And then I woke up.  oooooooooook

Too many books!

I have six books that I'm writing right now.  That's right.  6 books in progress.   I don't know which book to focus on.  I know of a couple that I can push aside for now but leaves 4 that I still want to work on.   Unfortunately, it seems lately that when I start writing a book, I either lose interest or I think it sucks so badly that I want to scrap the whole thing.   I haven't scrapped anything yet. I've rewritten parts, continued writing anyway but I haven't actually finished a book in a long time.

I really wanted to get a book published this year. I keep thinking about it and here it is, half way through October and I don't think it's going to happen this year.    If you look at the labels on the right, you can click on the Book label and you'll see all sorts of posts about my books.

Self Publishing costs money.  Money which I don't have.  So... I'll work on saving money again and hope life doesn't get in the way of that.

Dream time!

Since it's been a while since I shared a dream, I thought I'd share the one I had last night. 

The dream starts with me waking up after a long night of sleep.   When I open my eyes, I see chaos.  The front door was splintered and in pieces, everything on my entertainment unit was thrown about and scattered around the room, cushions slashes, dining room table was on it's side.  Everything was destroyed. 

I was in shock and just kind of stumbling around the living room.   I look out the now nonexistant front door and see the neighbor's door across from me is in the same shape.  I go stand in the hallway outside my apartment and look in other apartments.  All of them were destroyed like mine. 

The guy across from me comes up to me and we try to figure out what happened.  He said he had slept soundly and didn't wake up at all which is odd for him since he's a light sleeper.   Another neighbor had kids and they all said they slept just as soundly.   Eventually, the police arrive and tell us we need to leave for a few days so they could go through everything and try to collect evidence.  

I reached down to pick up a pile of books to take with me but the police wouldn't let me.  I looked around and spotted teenage boys hiding in the closets near the front doors of their apartments. they were playing handheld video games and ignoring everybody. 

With nothing else to do, I go get in my car. the police wanted me to go to an address and get checked out by the doctor (along with my neighbors).  I go there and afterward, I go to get in my car again only to find the floor of the car is gone.  The gas and brake pedals are there and the car is functional. It's just that the floor of the car is gone.   makes driving interesting.  I woke up as I was driving on a highway and feeling the wind come in around my feet. 

yup...  just another odd dream for me.   I think it would make an interesting book.  What happened to the apartments?  What destroyed everything?  Why were the police being secretive?  Where the Hell did the floor of the car go?  o.O

Strange dreams

I had another strange dream last night. I think it was one continuous dream but could have been two dreams, back to back. 

 

Starts out with my sisters and me going over to Terri’s house to watch a movie. Upon entering, she tells us they’ve had a problem with spiders lately. She said they’ve been dropping from the ceiling a lot. I turned around to leave but Terri assured me they were gone and they had done a bug bomb on the place. So I stay and we watch a movie. I wasn’t watching a movie though, I kept my eyes on the ceiling,. Sure enough, spiders started dropping. Terri tried to keep me there and said it wasn’t a big deal but I left. I got the impression I was going to a hotel because I couldn’t go home. I don’t know why. Anyways, I left. 

 

Now, either the dream continues or a new one starts. I was in a hotel room with Sam and Dean from Supernatural. Yup.. no, it wasn’t a threesome. you perv. We had just come off a hunt and the police were looking for the three of us. We decided to split for a couple of weeks and meet back at Bobby’s place. I went to the mall to get a change of clothes. I didn’t want to use credit cards because that would lead the police to me but I didn’t have any cash. so I ducked into a clothes carrousel. You know the round stands full of clothes? Yup, I hid in the center of one, shoved clothes into my duffel bag and waited for other customers to leave. When the coast was clear, I left the store. As I was walking by another store, their alarms started going off. I panicked which was stupid because I hadn’t even been in that particular shop. but I panicked and started hurrying out of the mall. Once I got out of the doors, I ducked between cars and hid. sure enough, mall security came out and looked around. They went back into the mall and I walked through the parking lot to the road. There, I kept walking, relieved that nobody was after me and I had gotten away. As I’m walking, a car slows and kept pace beside me. I heard somebody say you want a ride but before I could see who it was I woke up.

so yea.. interesting night

I hate politics

I hate politics. I hate talking about it so this is one of the few posts about politics you'll see on my blog. Talking about politics in my family only gets you angry. It's pointless. I have found I tend to disagree with my parents views so I refuse to talk about it with them. Why talk about politics when you don't get anything out of it? I guess those who like to debate things are the ones who discuss it the most. Obviously that's not me.

Here are my views... It doesn't matter who is president. People are either going to love or hate the president, no matter who is in office. You will always find something wrong with any president. Nobody is perfect but people seem to think that the president should be perfect. Presidents are humans, you idiots. Humans aren't perfect.

The President gets a lot of respect from me (usually) because it's the most stressful job in America. Put yourself in his shoes. He and his family are in the public's eye 24/7. Even after he leaves the office. The president is insulted daily by narrow minded people who think they can do a better job. I have news for you. It's a hard job. Nobody is going to be the best at it. Not you. Not me. Nobody.  

Why do I think it doesn't matter who is president? Because if you try your best at something, somebody is going to find flaws in it. you pass a law, and the U.S.A is going shit all over the law that you thought was a good thing. You create something that helps millions of Americans? Good for you! But don't expect the americans to thank you or agree with you. Being a president sucks. Debating about who should be president is pointless. We haven't even narrowed down the tons of people who want to run for president and I'm already tired of hearing about them. I'm even tired of this post. so I'm just going to end this.

I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. If you disagree with anything I say, Please don't start arguing with me about it. I will ignore you.