I just got off the phone with my sister. They can't do the stress test because her heart is too weak due to a blockage. They can't go in and see where the blockage is via angiogram because she's on Blood thinners and they can't stop the blood thinners completely because of what's going on with her heart. They will take her off most of the blood thinners so that they can do angiogram. And if her heart rate doesn't go down today, they will shock her tomorrow to force it to sort of reset the heart rhythm.
The doctor said that given what my sisters told the doctor (stuff that my mom failed to mention), he thinks the blockage has been there for awhile. This means my mom ignored her damn health for years. Once they can get in and see where the blockage is and what kind it is, they'll know more and "if" they can even fix it. That was the doctor's wording. If...
That sent me to tears. My mom ignored her health and ignored the signs that something was wrong and because of it, her heart problems may be too bad to be fixed. It may be too late. So my sister and I cried for a minute on the phone together. then I thought I had my tears under control. Then she told me that Dad was up way too early this morning and he was wandering around the house, crying. That set me off again.
For years and years, my mom has always been after my dad to go to the doctor for every little thing and I've told her to go to the doctor or to ask her own doctor about stuff she'd ask me about. But did she ever discuss any of her own breathing issues or pains or bodily issues with her doctor? No. She ignored it. I'm so pissed off at her and myself as well.
So here I sit. Crying as I type. trying to digest the news. anger and sadness run rampant through me. I want to go see her but I don't think I should since I've had a runny nose all morning long. If I'm catching a cold, I don't want to spread any germs on her. On the plus side, Mom is feeling a bit better. The diuretics they gave her are working and she can breath a bit better. Yesterday she could only go up to 500 on the spirometer but today she can go up to 1000. I believe it's supposed to be around 2000 for healthy people. She did have a really horrrible bloody nose this morning and another doctor (ear, nose and throat doc) is going to see her to see what to do about that. 2nd bloody nose in 2 days.
Tears have dried a bit now, at least for a few minutes. I need the courage to go over there and see her. My sister says even if I am getting a cold, just make sure I don't breath on her. But I think I'm too afraid to step into the hospital again. I'll wait a couple of hours and then see if I can gather up the strength and courage to go see her. It is evident now that she is not coming home this week.
on no, here come the tears again.
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4 comments:
Oh honey. Go see her! They have masks you can wear so you won't get your germs on her, but whatever you do, GO SEE HER. You must do that for yourself.
I think I need to wait until I can at least hold back tears and see with a dry face. Right now, that seems impossible
*more hugs*
The Lasix they are giving her (probably through IV right?) will help to get rid of the congestion in her chest. Hopefully they can give her some Vitamin K to do the angioplasty, and then thin her blood back out with the IV heparin. There are ways they can do this. I just went through this routine with having to thicken my blood quickly, and then thin it back out as fast as possible in August.
I wish I could give you more comfort, but that's all I can really offer... that and *more hugs*
Thank you so much Francine. And yes, they gave her lasix and took out the I.V yesterday and started pill form of heart rate meds and other stuff.
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