Friday the 18th, I was sitting at my desk at work and checked my email. One of my sister's said that Mom had been having breathing difficulties all week and is going to the urgent care clinic and then added at the end that parents changed their minds and were going to the Emergency room instead. So I waited impatiently for more news. About 20 minutes later, my sister called and said they were going to admit my mom into the hospital for Atrial Fiberillation. So I ran out of the office, drove down in record time to my aunt's house, picked her up and made it to the hospital to check on mom. Her resting heart rate was about 135 when I got there. When she got to ER it was 160. Normal resting heart rate is 60 to 80 beats per minute. Yesterday, her blood pressure was 174 over 93. So, lots of blood tests, x-rays, an EKG, an echocardigram, lots of medications, and impatiently waiting for more news... Today, I found out it's congestive heart failure but they still need to find out why and what the cause is. So there she lies, in the hospital bed, getting treated and not getting any sleep, waiting for more news and for numbers to go down. When I left today, her heart rate was about 105 and her blood pressure was 133 over 85. So while the medications they are giving her are making the numbers go down, she still doesn't feel any better. Shallow breathing and she can't catch her breathe, so she's been on oxygen since she got there.
Tomorrow, she'll undergo a medicated stress test since she can't take a normal stress test on a treadmill. She's exhausted and now nauseous from the potassium drink they give her. My dad is worried sick and ignoring his own health. Mom is 65 and dad is 63. They have been married since April 3, 1962. so 45 years together. We are all used to seeing my dad in and out of hospitals for various reasons and while my mom has had her share of hospital visits, this is unusual for her. So it's hard on all of us to see Mom like this and especially hard on my Dad. When you are married that long, your souls become so intertwined that when something like this happens, both of them feel it. So we have to watch out for Dad's well being too.
I know one sister has cried a lot and I know everybody is worried sick and scared as hell. I haven't cried which is a shock. I'm normally the one to cry about anything. I can feel the sobs that are stuck in my throat. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. but it receeds into the abyss and nothing happens. I am so scared that my mom won't follow the doctors instructions (no salt, sodium in anything, no more alcohol, and that's going to be the hardest on her). My mom is not an alcoholic by my definition but she has a drink nearly every day. She doesn't get to the drunk stage, just lightly buzzed. And I already heard her joke with the nurse to have them add tequila to the potassium liquid they make her drink.
I can't think straight. I can't seem to do any writing of my books or poetry. I just find myself sitting here at the computer, staring at it, or staring at the tv. I haven't even been to my usual forums and online friends except one spot. A quick hello and a huge thank you to my PTU family. You guys are the best and without you, I would truly be lost right now.
Since I haven't been to my usual sites, I thought I'd post everything here in case anyone actually does read my blog. I would never know since nobody ever comments on here even though I have open commenting so anybody in the world can comment. Just a pet peeve of mine regarding not hearing from people but that started with family and I'm trying my damnedest to stop that habbit and pet peeve. But come on, People!! Just post something, will ya?! Otherwise what's the bloomin' point of this blog?!!
sorry, sorry... didn't mean for to type that.. Like I said, can't think straight. How did a post about my mom turn into a complaint about comments? Geez... maybe I'm the one who needs a drink. I have wine that's been sitting in my pantry for over a year. Maybe I'll use it...
Anyways, if I hear anything new today, I'll post an update here and on PTU. Thanks to any readers for actually reading my babble.
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4 comments:
Katie, I am sooo sorry about your mom, and your concerns about your dad. And yeah, that does kind of worry me, too, with the drinking. You always have my hugs, you know.
E
Thanks E. Right now, she's off to do the medicated stress test. I talked to my dad on the phone and I know he's beyond lost. I'll email his brother and just ask him to call him and check on him. My dad is closer to his brother than anybody and will listen to him too. My dad would rather be with mom 24/7 and set aside his own health but he needs to take care of himself too. and I think his brother will remind him of that.
Just remember that Congestive heart failure IS treatable... and I'm hoping that dealing with the sodium reduction is easier than she thinks (it's not really... I'm still struggling with it, cause I want chips and popcorn dammit!!). It does get easier, once you learn what to look for. Just takes a while to get into the groove.
*Hugs*
Oh Francine.. You've been on my mind ever since this started Friday. I've always found you to be a strong person with a lot of heart. And now with my mom going through this, I wonder how've you done it at all. I have a new respect for you. You are one of a kind, and I wish I was near you to give you the biggest hug I could.
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