Good morning ladies and germs. lol It's going to be another long day in the world of work. Last night, I was in bed trying to get to sleep at a decent hour. From out of nowhere, words started popping into my head. Random words that formed sentences that writers love. I tried my best to set those words aside and go to sleep. Really, I did! But sometimes, the words will not be denied. Lucky for me, I had my ipad on the night stand next to me so I didn't even have to get out of bed.
So, here are the words that invaded my head... Could it be the makings of a short story or yet another book? Time will tell
There once was a girl who lived with pain, worries and sadness. She wished every night that the next day would be better and she'd smile again. She began to dream of a man to help her through her time of need. He would come night after night and free her of her pain. He brought her laughter and happiness and vowed to help her further. She found the days easier as her energy grew fueled by the happiness her stranger of the night gave her. She could walk without the pain that she knew so well. She could even run if she chose to. She became healthier, inside and out and wondered how to repay the man for the gift he'd given her.
One night, her dream man visited her as he always does. He stood her before a large mirror as he stood behind her.
"Gaze into the mirror and tell me what you see." The dream whispered into her ear.
"I see a woman. She's happy and free." She replied. "Tell me, what do you see?"
"I see the beauty of your heart, your body and soul."
"I have you to thank for this. But what can I give you in return?" She asked as she gazed into the eyes of the man's reflection.
"There is but one gift I could receive from you." The man turned the woman to face him. "There is a hidden beauty within your blood. Give that to me and you will be mine."
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
The obstacle course
I had a new dream!!!!!! Yay! I love my dreams and hadn't had a new one since August. This one though is very different. I'll just post it below and you can shake your head at me later. I blame the mead I had at dinner. lol
The dream starts and I’m on a small Asian type boat with guy. I don’t know his name but he has short brown hair and a scraggly beard and is dressed in black. So I’ll call him Blackie. We arrive a set of floating buildings that have a prisoner on them. There are 4 sets of these carved stone prisons floating about. The first one we come to, we meet the guild who is the prisoner on this floating thing. He shows us to the obstacle course we need to go through.
The obstacle course is full of water and vines hanging down from the ceiling and boulders spaced out everywhere. We have to go through the course without touching the water. We do this so we can activate the statue that is at the end of the course so we can get the next clue. Blackie and me make it through the course with difficulty but we make it and we stand before the statue. The statue is an old Asian woman and when we are in front of it, her eyes light up and she begins to move. She gives us the next clue and we leave the floating prison and go to the next.
The next one, the course is harder to get through but looks the same as the first. The prisoner on this prison is more rough and tries to take me away from Blackie. Blackie fights him and we go through the course. The statue on the end of this course is another Asian woman, younger than the first. Her eyes light up and she tells us the clue we need. You have to go through all four prison and courses because all clues are only part of the larger clue.
We move on to the next course and this prisoner is even scarier than the last the last one. He fights Blackie and soon dies in the fight. We start to go through the course but a new prisoner has popped in the middle of it. Blackie fights him and tells me to keep going to the statue. I arrive at the statue alone and look back to see Blackie die by the hands of the new prisoner. I scream and cry and I’m afraid because I have to continue alone.
I get back to my boat, determined to see the final clue and when I arrive at the next course, there’s a new person in black with a mask on. He tells me that he is my new partner. There are two prisoners on this last floating prison and the course is even harder than the all the others. This floating prison is in two parts and we are on the first. The new guy in black makes friends with the prisoner on the first part of the prison and suddenly there’s a new gal there as well. She is being held captive by this prisoner. The new guy in black and the prisoner drag us to a large bed and force us to strip and lie down. While the prisoner is busy getting busy with his captive, the new guy in black is laying on top of me. He still has his mask on and tears are streaming down my face because I know what he’s going to do.
Just before he starts (yes, his pants are down and he’s…. hovering), he lies motionless on top of me and looks into my eyes. I look into his eyes and suddenly I know. It’s him. It’s Blackie! Before I could ask how it was possible he was here, he kissed me, silencing me. I knew he wanted me quiet so I nodded. We were laying that, gazing into each others eyes and….
I woke up. Damn it! Lol I lay in bed, trying to get back to sleep but the damn cat had other ideas.. I wanted to finish the dream, not just to see what Blackie would do but go through the obstacle course and hear the forth clue and see what happened next. Damn cat for keeping me awake. lol
The dream starts and I’m on a small Asian type boat with guy. I don’t know his name but he has short brown hair and a scraggly beard and is dressed in black. So I’ll call him Blackie. We arrive a set of floating buildings that have a prisoner on them. There are 4 sets of these carved stone prisons floating about. The first one we come to, we meet the guild who is the prisoner on this floating thing. He shows us to the obstacle course we need to go through.
The obstacle course is full of water and vines hanging down from the ceiling and boulders spaced out everywhere. We have to go through the course without touching the water. We do this so we can activate the statue that is at the end of the course so we can get the next clue. Blackie and me make it through the course with difficulty but we make it and we stand before the statue. The statue is an old Asian woman and when we are in front of it, her eyes light up and she begins to move. She gives us the next clue and we leave the floating prison and go to the next.
The next one, the course is harder to get through but looks the same as the first. The prisoner on this prison is more rough and tries to take me away from Blackie. Blackie fights him and we go through the course. The statue on the end of this course is another Asian woman, younger than the first. Her eyes light up and she tells us the clue we need. You have to go through all four prison and courses because all clues are only part of the larger clue.
We move on to the next course and this prisoner is even scarier than the last the last one. He fights Blackie and soon dies in the fight. We start to go through the course but a new prisoner has popped in the middle of it. Blackie fights him and tells me to keep going to the statue. I arrive at the statue alone and look back to see Blackie die by the hands of the new prisoner. I scream and cry and I’m afraid because I have to continue alone.
I get back to my boat, determined to see the final clue and when I arrive at the next course, there’s a new person in black with a mask on. He tells me that he is my new partner. There are two prisoners on this last floating prison and the course is even harder than the all the others. This floating prison is in two parts and we are on the first. The new guy in black makes friends with the prisoner on the first part of the prison and suddenly there’s a new gal there as well. She is being held captive by this prisoner. The new guy in black and the prisoner drag us to a large bed and force us to strip and lie down. While the prisoner is busy getting busy with his captive, the new guy in black is laying on top of me. He still has his mask on and tears are streaming down my face because I know what he’s going to do.
Just before he starts (yes, his pants are down and he’s…. hovering), he lies motionless on top of me and looks into my eyes. I look into his eyes and suddenly I know. It’s him. It’s Blackie! Before I could ask how it was possible he was here, he kissed me, silencing me. I knew he wanted me quiet so I nodded. We were laying that, gazing into each others eyes and….
I woke up. Damn it! Lol I lay in bed, trying to get back to sleep but the damn cat had other ideas.. I wanted to finish the dream, not just to see what Blackie would do but go through the obstacle course and hear the forth clue and see what happened next. Damn cat for keeping me awake. lol
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The magic of completion
I finished writing my forth book Sunday. As I typed up the final words and read what I wrote, I sat back and breathed a heavy sigh. There is just something about knowing you put a story on paper, put words to the thoughts in your head and made madness make sense. I have written four books. Yes, I know the books still need a lot of work. Editing, more details added, rewritten, etc. But in essence the books are complete.
I already started my fifth book yesterday. I wrote 3000 words. So yea, this book is off to a great start. now my last book, I wrote in 3 months. That is a new record for me and it just shows how much I was really into it. This next one, is going to be different than my others so who knows, maybe I'll get it done even faster.
And yes, Michelle, I will try not to add so much sappiness to this new book. But you know, I won't be able to resist. lol
I already started my fifth book yesterday. I wrote 3000 words. So yea, this book is off to a great start. now my last book, I wrote in 3 months. That is a new record for me and it just shows how much I was really into it. This next one, is going to be different than my others so who knows, maybe I'll get it done even faster.
And yes, Michelle, I will try not to add so much sappiness to this new book. But you know, I won't be able to resist. lol
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Book thoughts
I'm almost done writing my forth book. I may be able to finish it this weekend if I wake up enough. lol Even as this book is drawing to a close, I'm thinking about my next one. My next one will involve the supernatural as my other 4 have but this one will be something different for me. A werewolf. I haven't started it and yet I have a working title of Hairball. lmao it makes me laugh to think of a book named that and a werewolf book to boot. Odds are I won't keep that title but I won't know until I actually write that book.
Right now, I'm trying to focus on finishing my current one before I start the next one. I have my current book file open (by the way, it's called Destined for Darkness) and once I wake up a little more, I'll read through the last few pages and start writing. I find endings are important. I want to leave a mark in the reader where they can close the book and sigh, happy with the way things turned out. I know if I'm not happy, the reader probably won't be either.
I know what I have to write to end this book. I just have to write it. Maybe I'm using sleepiness as an excuse not to finish the book. After all, I thoroughly enjoyed writing this one. the words just flowed on their own onto the pages. The main characters took on a life of their own and I really didn't see the gal having the personality she does. of course, I don't give much thought to the books ahead of time. I mean I don't write notes, I don't envision how I want each character to act or what is going to happen. I take it one chapter at a time. Maybe I should use that same philosophy in life.
Right now, I'm trying to focus on finishing my current one before I start the next one. I have my current book file open (by the way, it's called Destined for Darkness) and once I wake up a little more, I'll read through the last few pages and start writing. I find endings are important. I want to leave a mark in the reader where they can close the book and sigh, happy with the way things turned out. I know if I'm not happy, the reader probably won't be either.
I know what I have to write to end this book. I just have to write it. Maybe I'm using sleepiness as an excuse not to finish the book. After all, I thoroughly enjoyed writing this one. the words just flowed on their own onto the pages. The main characters took on a life of their own and I really didn't see the gal having the personality she does. of course, I don't give much thought to the books ahead of time. I mean I don't write notes, I don't envision how I want each character to act or what is going to happen. I take it one chapter at a time. Maybe I should use that same philosophy in life.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Crying on way home
On my way home from work today, I had music cranked and was listening to my ipod like I always do. I sang along with a couple of Madonna songs and enjoyed it. then a britney spears song came on. And not just any Britney Spear song either. It had to be that one. I've heard the song many times since I had that dream in September 2010 and at first it was very hard for me to listen to it. I had to stop each and every time. I think about 8 months ago, I could finally listen to the song without weeping.
But not today. The song started out like normal and I was okay. Then I had a flash back and thought of the dream and yes, I cried while driving down Jordan road. did I stop the song? No. I listened to it. sang with it and cried with it.
I know it was just a dream. I realize this. That does not stop the powerful emotions from coming back just from that dream. Even though that dream is etched forever into my mind, I decided to go back and read what I wrote. damn.. now I need kleenex
Dream September 4, 2010
So I had a really bad dream Friday the 4th. I dreamed that a friend (let’s call her M) in Vermont died but I was in denial. I didn't want to believe it. So I wasn't grieving or anything yet because it wasn't true. Then, one night I was walking home from work on a dirt road with lots of trees. I thought I saw something ahead of me and it was my friend! I ran up to her saying "I knew you weren't dead, I just knew it!" and M said, "sorry, but it is true. I am dead. See?" and she started to fade right in front of my eyes.
I screamed, "No!" and she said, "It's okay, you can't get rid of me that easily. Look, I have to go check on my hubby but I'll be back." and she started walking down the road. I fell to my knees and started bawling. I looked up again, and she was at the end of road, singing a Britney Spears tune (it was "Hit me baby one more time") and doing a funny dance to cheer me up. I started crying even harder and I mean, wails of crying and unending grief . Then she disappeared, leaving me in the middle of the road with my tears.
When I woke up this morning, I had to keep telling myself that was just a dream because I was still crying. and I was crying for a long time after that. I know it was just a dream but the pain, and sorrow of finding out that she was dead was still fresh and harsh.
But not today. The song started out like normal and I was okay. Then I had a flash back and thought of the dream and yes, I cried while driving down Jordan road. did I stop the song? No. I listened to it. sang with it and cried with it.
I know it was just a dream. I realize this. That does not stop the powerful emotions from coming back just from that dream. Even though that dream is etched forever into my mind, I decided to go back and read what I wrote. damn.. now I need kleenex
Dream September 4, 2010
So I had a really bad dream Friday the 4th. I dreamed that a friend (let’s call her M) in Vermont died but I was in denial. I didn't want to believe it. So I wasn't grieving or anything yet because it wasn't true. Then, one night I was walking home from work on a dirt road with lots of trees. I thought I saw something ahead of me and it was my friend! I ran up to her saying "I knew you weren't dead, I just knew it!" and M said, "sorry, but it is true. I am dead. See?" and she started to fade right in front of my eyes.
I screamed, "No!" and she said, "It's okay, you can't get rid of me that easily. Look, I have to go check on my hubby but I'll be back." and she started walking down the road. I fell to my knees and started bawling. I looked up again, and she was at the end of road, singing a Britney Spears tune (it was "Hit me baby one more time") and doing a funny dance to cheer me up. I started crying even harder and I mean, wails of crying and unending grief . Then she disappeared, leaving me in the middle of the road with my tears.
When I woke up this morning, I had to keep telling myself that was just a dream because I was still crying. and I was crying for a long time after that. I know it was just a dream but the pain, and sorrow of finding out that she was dead was still fresh and harsh.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Writing Sessions
Yesterday, I woke up at 8:30 and about 10 minutes later, I started writing. The writing bug bit me hard. I wrote for four hours with only a couple of breaks to eat and use the bathroom. After four hours, I found I had written over 3000 words. Do you know how long its been since I just sat down and wrote like that for hours? I loved it! I even wrote a few opening sentences for a new book.
Then, last night around 11 something pm, I sat down and wrote some more. My new word count for the day was just under 4000 words. I enjoyed every minute of writing yesterday and will probably write some more today. Probably for the past year or so, I sneak in a few pages and write at work. of course, that time is always interrupted by work or something. So it was a really really nice to just sit at the computer and not get interrupted unless I chose to. I need to write like that some more. Just spend time at home and lose myself in whatever book I'm writing. It makes me wish I could just stay home from work and write all day. but since I'm not rich, I must work full time.
Working full time while managing to write books is sometimes difficult. I have to learn to manage my time because I don't always get a chance to write at work and I shouldn't count on that time. I have never scheduled time to write as I always thought it would block me, stop the words from flowing by being forced to write. I still think that, however, I do think I need to set aside some time every day to either read over what I wrote and/or write new stuff. I just won't punish myself if the words don't flow on their own.
I'm loving this current book and the characters with the smart ass comments. I can't always think of smart ass comments to give people in real life (Really, it's true!) so I'm thrilled the thoughts come easy in writing. lol I've been up almost 2 hours today but this blog is the only thing I've written so far. Probably because I had self induced insomnia. lol Yea, I literally read until I couldn't see straight and only got 5 hours sleep last night. then picked up the book and finished reading it this morning.
I'm hopeless when it comes to a good book.
Then, last night around 11 something pm, I sat down and wrote some more. My new word count for the day was just under 4000 words. I enjoyed every minute of writing yesterday and will probably write some more today. Probably for the past year or so, I sneak in a few pages and write at work. of course, that time is always interrupted by work or something. So it was a really really nice to just sit at the computer and not get interrupted unless I chose to. I need to write like that some more. Just spend time at home and lose myself in whatever book I'm writing. It makes me wish I could just stay home from work and write all day. but since I'm not rich, I must work full time.
Working full time while managing to write books is sometimes difficult. I have to learn to manage my time because I don't always get a chance to write at work and I shouldn't count on that time. I have never scheduled time to write as I always thought it would block me, stop the words from flowing by being forced to write. I still think that, however, I do think I need to set aside some time every day to either read over what I wrote and/or write new stuff. I just won't punish myself if the words don't flow on their own.
I'm loving this current book and the characters with the smart ass comments. I can't always think of smart ass comments to give people in real life (Really, it's true!) so I'm thrilled the thoughts come easy in writing. lol I've been up almost 2 hours today but this blog is the only thing I've written so far. Probably because I had self induced insomnia. lol Yea, I literally read until I couldn't see straight and only got 5 hours sleep last night. then picked up the book and finished reading it this morning.
I'm hopeless when it comes to a good book.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Numb
You know that song Numb by Linkin Park? I can relate to that. Bear with me while I describe why.
Picture two versions of me. One happy, go lucky, cheery person. The other a down, depressed, very blue person. Now picture those two version of me singing this song to each other.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be << Depressed me
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface << Depressed me
Don't know what you're expecting of me << Depressed me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes << Depressed me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you << Depressed me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there << Depressed me
Become so tired, so much more aware << Depressed me
I'm becoming this, all I want to do << Happy Me
Is be more like me and be less like you << Happy Me
Can't you see that you're smothering me, << Happy Me
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control? << Happy Me
'Cause everything that you thought I would be << Happy Me
Has fallen apart right in front of you. << Happy Me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you. << Depressed me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take. << Depressed me
This is how I feel a lot of the time. Two versions of me, with the happy me struggling to come to take over. two versions of me battling each other. Which version will be the victor? Which version will be the loser? I don't know anymore. I've become so numb...
Picture two versions of me. One happy, go lucky, cheery person. The other a down, depressed, very blue person. Now picture those two version of me singing this song to each other.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be << Depressed me
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface << Depressed me
Don't know what you're expecting of me << Depressed me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes << Depressed me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you << Depressed me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
[Chorus:]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there << Depressed me
Become so tired, so much more aware << Depressed me
I'm becoming this, all I want to do << Happy Me
Is be more like me and be less like you << Happy Me
Can't you see that you're smothering me, << Happy Me
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control? << Happy Me
'Cause everything that you thought I would be << Happy Me
Has fallen apart right in front of you. << Happy Me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you. << Depressed me
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take. << Depressed me
This is how I feel a lot of the time. Two versions of me, with the happy me struggling to come to take over. two versions of me battling each other. Which version will be the victor? Which version will be the loser? I don't know anymore. I've become so numb...
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