Crying on way home

On my way home from work today, I had music cranked and was listening to my ipod like I always do. I sang along with a couple of Madonna songs and enjoyed it. then a britney spears song came on. And not just any Britney Spear song either. It had to be that one. I've heard the song many times since I had that dream in September 2010 and at first it was very hard for me to listen to it. I had to stop each and every time. I think about 8 months ago, I could finally listen to the song without weeping.

But not today. The song started out like normal and I was okay. Then I had a flash back and thought of the dream and yes, I cried while driving down Jordan road. did I stop the song? No. I listened to it. sang with it and cried with it.

I know it was just a dream. I realize this. That does not stop the powerful emotions from coming back just from that dream. Even though that dream is etched forever into my mind, I decided to go back and read what I wrote. damn.. now I need kleenex


Dream September 4, 2010
So I had a really bad dream Friday the 4th. I dreamed that a friend (let’s call her M) in Vermont died but I was in denial. I didn't want to believe it. So I wasn't grieving or anything yet because it wasn't true. Then, one night I was walking home from work on a dirt road with lots of trees. I thought I saw something ahead of me and it was my friend! I ran up to her saying "I knew you weren't dead, I just knew it!" and M said, "sorry, but it is true. I am dead. See?" and she started to fade right in front of my eyes.

I screamed, "No!" and she said, "It's okay, you can't get rid of me that easily. Look, I have to go check on my hubby but I'll be back." and she started walking down the road. I fell to my knees and started bawling. I looked up again, and she was at the end of road, singing a Britney Spears tune (it was "Hit me baby one more time") and doing a funny dance to cheer me up. I started crying even harder and I mean, wails of crying and unending grief . Then she disappeared, leaving me in the middle of the road with my tears.

When I woke up this morning, I had to keep telling myself that was just a dream because I was still crying. and I was crying for a long time after that. I know it was just a dream but the pain, and sorrow of finding out that she was dead was still fresh and harsh.