Told you so, Becky

Last night I dreamed that I was standing at a pond that had a roof covering it. Next to the pond were a couple of tables, a counter and a grill. It was night time with a full moon shining down and a couple of lights hanging from the roof over the pond. Becky was doing something at the counter but I don't know what. I was barefoot and was standing in the pond just so the water covered my feet. I looked down into the water and saw things swimming around.

I crouched down for a better look and saw alligators of various sizes from small babies to about 3 feet in length. The biggest one was white.

I said "Becky, there are a alligators in your pond. There's even a white one."

Becky replied, "No there isn't. There's nothing in my pond yet. "

"Yes, there is. Come look for yourself."

Without looking, Becky said "It's probably just the light of the moon shining on the water. There's nothing in there."

I replied with a tone, "Fine, guess it's okay for your cats to go play in the water then."

Then her 4 cats came to the water's edge and started sniffing around and pawing at the water. I picked up one cat just as the big white one came to the surface. Water splashed around which made Becky turn and look.

Becky just sighed and said "I suppose you're going to say I told you so now, huh?"

And that's when I woke up.

Lack of Writing

Hello all! Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while but I haven't had much to post. I have been too tired during the day and just haven't felt very creative. I'm hoping that's going to change soon.

I did some research online and read some people have felt better by taking their thyroid medication at night instead of in the morning as recommended by doctors. So last Monday, I started taking mine at night. I know I had taken it at night before but I can't recall if I noticed a difference or not. This time, since I am paying more attention to it, I think I am noticing a difference. It has only been 4 days since I switched times but this morning, I woke up in a better mood, I played with my cat around the apartment and I am actually warmer today even tough it's only 36F outside. I also noticed that yesterday, my temperature has gone up to a more normal temperature. It was 98.1 at the doctor's office yesterday and I know I don't have a fever. I think I have been sleeping better as well. I will continue to take my thyroid meds at night and see what happens.

I am also wondering if switching the time of day I take my medicine has effected my creativity a bit. Last night before I went to sleep, I found myself thinking about my book in progress and the scene I stopped writing at. I started thinking about where the scene is going and wondering if I want it to go that direction. Even as I work today, I find my mind drifting back to my book in progress.

Now I am curious and really wish I could remember how I felt the last time I took my meds at night. Was I more energetic? Did I feel less fatigue? Did I write more and have more thoughts?

Time will tell, I guess. As for today, I will open up my file and reread the last chapter I wrote and think about rewriting it or keeping it.

Thanks to all who read and don't forget, comments are open so that anybody can comment.

My latest weird dream

Sooo... I don't think I had been asleep long last night before I had a weird dream.

It started out with me meeting my parents somewhere in Japan. They were on vacation and I was traveling to one of my company's international offices. So I caught up with them in some sort of Japanese garden. We waited in line to go in and there was a vending machine type thing there. Mom thought it was a laundry machine (wash and dry your clothes while you wait type thing LOL) I don't know what it was but it cost $100 and I wasn't about to spend that much. Anyways, the Garden hostess came out and talked to us in broken english. She saw that I was carrying a paper bag and said I couldn't take that in with me. The bag just had gifts I bought a nearby shop but since it cost money, I wasn't going to ditch it. The hostess told me I could put the bag in the vending machine beside me (the one that cost $100). I said no, I'm not spending that much money because you won't let me take my bag in with me.

The lady started yelling at me in japanese. I don't know what she said but I'm sure curse words were involved. Finally, mom and dad said I could put my bag with theirs in their little rental car. The gal sighed and smiled and proceeded to wrap my bag in icy blue wrapping paper. I don't know why. lol

Finally it was our turn to go in to the garden. Yea it was pretty but I was bored so I must have pressed the fast forward button in my dream. lol Mom, Dad and I were walking out to the parking lot and my dad said the three of us can't fit in their one rental car, so we'd have to rent another. I was confused but went along with it. When we obtained another rental car, we walked back to the parking lot and dad said he'd take all the shopping bags in his car and that I could ride with mom. I watch him and he gets in this type of soap box derby race car with bags piled up behind him.

I start laughing at the sight of dad in a tiny thin race car and he's telling me to shut up and started explaining that space was an issue since there are so many people in japan and yadda yadda yadda.... I laughed some more until I saw the little race car that mom and I had to use. It was wedged in between an old VW Bug and another normal car. I asked dad why there are normal sized cars around and we have to use these things but he didn't answer me.

Mom climbed over the back of our "car" and into the driver's seat and started it up. Then her cell phone rings and she answers and has a conversation with somebody while trying to get this car out of the parking space. She stops and I start to get in the back behind her and she proceeds to zoom off down the road, laughing like a maniac. leaving Dad and me with open gaped mouths and me just furious.

That's when I woke up and I woke up mad!

A Rant, A vent and a whimper

I don't normally use this blog for ranting. I tried to save it for my writing and my weird dreams. However, I think I need to do some writing of a different kind.

A normal day for me is the fatigue with a joint or four hurting. It's not the pain of Rheumatoid Arthritis that gets to me, it's the fatigue. Fatigue is the biggest part in my book of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Now I also have hypothyroidism and fatigue is a side effect of that too. So I get it two fold and it sucks big time. I really hate it. Most days, I don't know how I get through a work day at all. but I do it. I work full time at an office and some days I do a lot of walking somehow. Other days, I can't seem to move from my desk. Somebody have caffeine to help them out but not me. I don’t get that awake feeling that other people get. I wish I did.

Sad to say that those are normal days for me. Now add to it a cold. If a normal person gets a cold, they'd be annoyed but survive the days. I have a cold on top of my fatigue and I'm just dragging... more so than usual. Runny nose, sore throat, some coughing and sneezing and I dozed off in the chair for a bit because I'm just so tired.

I do get depressed from time to time because this fatigue gets so old after dealing it day in and day out. Today, I actually want to cry and keep crying until somebody tells me it’ll be alright. But it won’t be alright. That’s not a new revelation for me; I’ve always known it won’t be alright. Maybe that’s why I get depressed. Maybe depressed is the wrong word for it, maybe sad is better.

I know a lot of people with my issues and worse are out there living their life and dealing with it. Well good for them, I’m really happy for them. But I’m not them. I’m having a hard time and most people will never know it because I tend to hide things very well. I always have hidden myself from others but I’m slowly changing that… or trying to.

Tonight, just for tonight, I’m going to cry a bit and wait for better days. So I’ll go, take my cold and my issues and sit in the recliner and cry and just let it out. It’s been a while since I’ve done that.

Lack of posting

Geez, has it really been a whole month since I blogged? Wow. Sorry about that. Hope you guys haven't abandoned me. lol

I haven't written in my book for a while either. This past month, I've felt so fatigued and it's hard to be creative when you are so damn tired. But, I'm awaiting blood test results from my doctor and I have a feeling that she'll increase my thyroid dosage. Maybe that will help with this fatigue.

I'll try to post more things for you to read. Until then... See ya!

Alien Dream

The dream started with me in a military cargo type plane. I’m in the back with other people and we are looking out the windows. Suddenly, below and to the right of us, we spot something in the sky. It was a grey alien on a silver disc, sort of surfing the skies. If you’ve ever seen the cartoon Static Shock, this alien was surfing like Static does. Everybody crowds around windows on the right side of the plane to watch the alien who was also watching us.


There were military men on the plane with us and they were reporting to the Captain what we were seeing. The Captain thought the alien was a threat and wanted to shoot it down. I argued with him as his hand went for the fire button. I went to stop the captain from pushing the button but his men pulled me back. The Captain pressed the button and blew away the alien who was only watching us. Several people in the plane cried and yelled about this.

The next day, we were all again in the cargo plane and looking out the windows. We spotted another alien flying around just like the first one but this time, we didn’t say anything. We didn’t want another incident. We continued to watch in silence, smiling and waving to the alien. The alien looked behind him and suddenly there were millions more aliens there. All of them were on little silver discs. We gasped and the military men looked out the window to see what the hub bub was about.

One guy went to the Captain and told him what was going on, and the Captain got on the radio to report it to headquarters and wait for instructions. HQ told him to not make contact, don’t fire on them, just keep flying straight and ignore them.

The dream ended with all of us watching all the aliens out the windows and waiting in anticipation as to what was going to happen next.

Unintentional Break

I took a break from writing, it's been a couple of weeks. It wasn't intentional, I just ran out of energy at the end of the day. It does take energy to write, mental energy. and I just plain ran out.

I did write two pages yesterday at work and I like where the scene is going. I meant to do some writing today and still plan to but time has just ran away from me. Where did the day go? Oh I know, it was spent watching TV and playing computer games. I should mute the TV or turn it off so I can write a bit. I have the file open on my screen and it's ready to be used.

Now I just need to write. Yesterday it was easy, I just opened the file and started writing. I love writing, always have and always will. I know I need to keep writing in this book, not only to keep my creativity alive but if I want to get published, then I need to finish this book. Once I do finish it, I'll have two complete unpublished books that I wrote.

Even though I'm unpublished, I am proud of what I have accomplished. Not everybody can write, not everybody wants too and those that do want to, just don't have the talent. I hope, that I have more than the will to write. I hope that I have the talent. I am a writer, in my heart and in my mind.

I do wish to be published some day. The thought of seeing my name on a paperback book on the shelves with all the other books, thrills me. It will happen someday. It will. It will take time unless I go the self-published or publish on demand route. It would be nice to be paid for the writing I do but I don't write for money. I write for the pleasure of writing.

So now, I'll post this blog, mute the TV, and put my file before me. I'll reread what I wrote yesterday and see where it takes me.

Escaping Thoughts

Last night, as I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep, I had thought of a good topic to post on my blog. It was insightful and gave explainations about me and I was proud that I thought of it.

Now, in the light of day, I can't remember exactly what I was going to post. The thoughts of the new blog post have escaped me. That's what I get for not writing down my thoughts when I had them. I should know by now that if I don't write something down when I have a thought, I'll forget all about it. I now have a notebook and pen on the bedside table.

So here's the tip of the day: When you have a thought or an idea about anything, no matter what time it is, write it down. I don't care if you were about to go to sleep like me, or are about to go into the shower and are standing there naked. Take the time to write down the thought on paper, so you can get to it later on.

Thanks to a friend

As a writer, I have become very self-critical of my own work. I start to not like what I'm writing and I think that's why I stopped a book last year. I start thinking that what I'm writing is utter garbage and nobody will ever read it. Because of this, I think it's very important to have somebody else who is willing to read your work as you're writing it. You need someone who will not give a fluffy review and say "it's very good". A little fluff is fine but they need to critique your work too so they should say "it's good but..." and give corrections or suggest what needs something and where.

That's where my friend, Michelle, comes in. Michelle, you have been very helpful to me and I wholeheartedly thank you for going over my book for me. I think without you, this current book would have been abandoned a second time. I also thank you for wanting to read more of it because it encourages me to write more. I'm also very thankful for the corrections that you've made even when I had proof read my book half a dozen times and still missed a few.

You're not afraid to suggest that sometime needs more (by the way, can you read the end of Chapter 8 again for me and let me know what you think?) and I thank you for that too. I hope I'm not driving you crazy with me sending you my new updates all the time but if I am, I know you'll let me know.

So, thank you for all you've done so far. You are a great friend and I really appreciate you helping me with this.

P.S. Next chapter, Derek returns.

Weird Dreams

I had hoped I would dream last night and remember the dreams and I did. I have one image of flies. Many Many flies in my apartment, covering the windows and flying around. That's all there was of that dream. Odd..

Second dream had more to it. I was in a hallway with white walls, white floors and ceiling and there were many doors everywhere. It wasn't quite an apartment building but it was some sort of living facility. Some rooms were bedrooms, one was a store, another was a doctor's office, another was a sheriff's office, and many more rooms. I stepped out of my room and heard my neighbor crying, I went into her room and asked what was wrong and she said the doctor messed her up. She said he and his nurse drugged her and she passed out, she kept saying that what he did was wrong. I asked what did he do after she passed out and she started wailing. Another neighbor came in to comfort her and I told her to talk to the sheriff, she said she did but he didn't believe her.

The dream jumps to me standing in the doctor's office. I asked him what happened to the girl in the room next to me and he nodded to his nurse. Both the doctor and the nurse forced me into a chair and while the nurse held me, the doctor forced my mouth open and shoved pills in my mouth. The pills were the size of quarters and there were 3 or 4 of them. He held my mouth closed and started talking.

"Just give it a minute for the pills to dissolve. The pills are called D-9 and they are experimental. You wanted to know what happened so I'll show you." the doctor said. I passed out in the dream so I still didn't know what happened. when I woke up, I was in my room on my bed. I felt fine, but was pissed off. I opened the door and found the sheriff walking down the hallway. It was Jack Carter from the show Eureka. lol I said, "Jack, I need to talk to you. I want to file a complaint against the doctor. " I explained what happened and Jack listened but he said without evidence, he can't do anything. It would be my word against the doctor's.

After chatting with neighbors to try to come up with a plan, I figured out what to do. I took a camera and got into the room next to the doctor's office. There was a vent that was big enough for me to climb in and it connected to the doctor's office. I got in the vent and hid there for a while, waiting for the doctor to do something. I didn't have to wait long. i got pictures of him shoving this D-9 drug into a patient's mouth. suddenly the lights dimmed and stuff was lowered from the ceiling. Mini disco balls about 3 inches in diameter hanging everywhere from the ceiling, along with some odd brown things. I got a picture of that and the doctor heard the camera. I got out of there quickly and returned to my room. I went to print up the pictures but the only one that came out was the one showing the disco balls.

I ran to Jack's office and showed it to him but and after a lot of convincing, he walked down the office to talk to the doctor.

Unfortunately that's when I woke up. Just what was the doctor doing to his patients? What was this building I was living in? What was the deal with the disco balls? And who were these people? Jack Carter was the only one I recognized but that's normal for me. lol yea.. it was a weird dream

Short Dream Stories

Last night, as I was drifting off to slumber land, I had a thought. Maybe I can turn my dreams into short stories to submit to magazines. Anybody who knows me knows I have some pretty vivid whacked out dreams. I even thought about which dream to choose first to turn into a short story.

Luckily, since I've written down and kept track of my dreams, it's easy to go through them and reread them and figure out which ones to try out. I thought that if I turn my dreams into short stories, I could start submitting them to publications to try to build a published reputation for myself.

If you'd like to go through and read a couple of dreams I posted on here, go to the right side of this blog. There is a section called Labels, just click on the word dream and it should take you to the dreams I put on here. In fact, I think I'll do that too, just to refresh my memory of which ones I put on here.

Edit: Ok, I didn't post as many dreams on here as I thought but the ones I did post still give you an idea of my type of dreams.

Is Laughter a good sign?

Tonight, I started reading the second book I started and read the first 83 pages. I remember I had stopped writing it because I thought it was crap. I didn't know where to take the next scene, didn't know where the book was going and just thought it sucked. It was end of May 2008 that I stopped writing it and I didn't pick it up again. I didn't even read any pages until tonight.

I found the 83 pages I had printed up and decided to read it. Now, besides some missing words and a couple of bad spelling mistakes, I actually enjoyed it. I didn't even want to put it down to write down what needed fixing. I laughed while reading my book but in a good way. I found the humor I had put in my book and it may just be reigniting that spark to continue with it.

I also found I had incorporated a friend into the book a bit and I don't know if she knows. Michelle, I'm talking about you.

So is it a good thing that a writer laughs at the things she writes? Will the public (if anybody ever reads this book) find the humor that I did?

Now, I must finish reading the pages I didn't print up and try to find the mistakes I found before. I need to find out what turned me off from continuing this book.

Genre for my book

I need to figure out what genre my book is. Does it fall under Paranormal Romance or is it Fantasy? I know some people might say that it doesn't matter but it does. If I submit my book to a publisher who takes only Fantasy books and my book turns out to be Paranormal Romance, then that could be a problem.

Also, it seems that each genre has a different word count requirement. Right now, my book has almost 62,500 words. Word Count and books is a confusing subject. Some websites say that 75,000 is average. While others say that 90,000 is average. It seems that the best advice I've read is to find some books of the same genre and get an estimated word count from them.

That brings me back to finding out what genre my book is. Of course, I think an agent would help me figure that out but I'd like to know what genre my book is before I approach an agent. I don't want to look like some dolt who has no clue about anything. I would like to at least give the appearance of intelligence.


Maybe I need to find some sort of definitions of the genres. I think that would help. If you folks have any ideas, please let me know!

Reviewing My Book

I've been rereading my book when I could at work but spent a lot of today reading it. I'm still finding corrections and things that need to be changed (like mentioning a particular forum when I'm not with them anymore, believe me, that was changed).

I printed up my book, 2 pages per sheet. And I have a notebook beside me, marking what section needs to be updated or fixed. That way, I can read in my recliner with my feet up.

Upon reviewing my book, I feel like it's missing something. I don't know what it is yet. I know it's missing something. That oomph or spark or something. and it really bugs me that I can't put my finger on it. Does it need more detail? Does it need more explanation? Does it answer any questions in the end? What does it need?

It would be nice if I knew a well published author with years and years of experience who could tell me these things. I suppose agents and editors would help with that too. However, before I approach an agent, I'd like to try polishing my book first. But that brings up another question, when is a book really ready to be shown to an agent?

I'd appreciate any thoughts and comments, advice on this, so feel free to post!

Reading my book

Here I am at work and in between helping people, I have my book on my screen and I'm reading it. I ran spell check and grammar check first and can I just say that the Microsoft Word grammar check is totally off? That grammar check doesn't take the rest of the sentence or paragraph into consideration. I rarely use that grammar check for that reason. If I changed all the things it suggested, then nothing would make sense at all.

However, it did point out a few obvious errors where an extra word wasn't needed. So for that, I'm thankful. I do find it surprising that after I had proof read my book myself several times last year, that are still mistakes. I haven't touched my book since probably January or March of 2008 but I did that on purpose. It is often helpful to leave a work in progress alone for a while and then come back to it with a fresh mind.

So, I begin a new and will read my book again and see what happens. According to the Word program, I have a bit over 62,000 words in my file and it is 281 pages long with 1 inch margins on top & bottom with 1.25 inch margins on the sides and double spaced lines. The Writer's Market book suggests one and half inch margins all the way around but I think that's just a waste of space. Besides, I believe it all depends on what the publisher wants.

Whenever I write, I often wish I had a laptop of my own so that I could read my book, write and create where ever I am. While I do have laptop, it's not technically mine. It belongs to my company, a work laptop. So if I were to get a laptop, I'd consider getting a netbook or a mini. That way, I could carry it everywhere and with the size of the tiny laptops today, It would be like carrying a note pad. I do have my book printed out on regular paper and could always carry that with me, but since it's 281 pages, it would be a hefty thing to carry around. Not to mention a pain in the butt to edit on paper first and then edit it again on the computer.

For now, I carry my book on a 2gb flash drive that I plug into the work computer and then copy the book on to my home computer as a backup. So I may do some research on netbooks. I really only need something that can run a word processing program and a long battery life would be nice too. Perhaps I'll see if any other writers out there have used a netbook of some kind and have suggestions. Of course, price will probably be the deciding factor for me.

Now to get back to work. Until later, Thanks for reading!

Thoughts

All my life, I've wanted to be a writer. So I've read tips from other writers about it. One tip I remember is to write down all your thoughts. No matter how insignificant it may be or how random, write it down. That random thought may just be an inspiration to a story or an idea of a scene.

If I wrote down all my thoughts, I wouldn't have time for anything else. Besides, some thoughts just don't belong outside of my head. Trust me on that. However, I may start writing some thoughts down. I'd like to get back to writing again but have felt like creativity had left me. Maybe by writing down my thoughts, it will help get some of those creative juices flowing again.

I've ghosts on the brain for a while and really love reading ghost stories, true or fiction. Maybe I can write a ghost story. Or even just write down my personal experiences. I could turn my experiences into a story.

The problem with writing is that when inspiration strikes me, I'm usually at work and can't do the writing I really want to do it and focus my thoughts on it. And when I get home from work, I'm usually too tired and brain dead to do much of anything.

Perhaps I will start using this blog to write down my thoughts. I think it will help and you lucky readers will get a look into my mind whether you like it or not.

Dream from May 24th

I realized I hadn't posted anything in a while so I thought I'd put another dream I had. My friends already know this dream but thought I'd post it in case I have readers I don't know about.

The dream starts and I’m wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I’m carrying around my jeans and walking thru town. My parents and sisters found me and tried to get me to go home. I said I had to go to work and since they weren’t letting me drive, I was walking. They all laughed at me. I said I just need to put my jeans on before I get to work. They started ignoring me and window shopping. I yelled at them to listen to me, dad says “Just go down to Target and change in their restroom.” In anger, I swiped the car keys from my dad’s hand and got in a car. It was a beat up old chevy sedan with the driver side door gone. I proceeded to drive off and try to get to the office but a cop pulled me over and made my parents take me home.

The scene jumps and we’re having dinner around a big table. Betty Davis is there but she’s actually Rose from Golden Girls. She said something Rose-ish and made everybody groan. Then the family started talking about me.

Mom “so what are we going to do about her? We can’t have her wandering off again.”

Dad “Someone is going to have to stay with her at all times.”

Becky “don’t look at me. I can’t take of her and my kids at the same time.”

The conversation got worse as the family started arguing over who was going to take care of me. I started crying and left the table.

The scene jumps and there’s a tall, dark handsome man with long hair (whom I don’t know) and he’s bringing in boxes into an empty room. I’m sitting on the floor in the corner of that room. I have paper and pen in my hand and I’m trying to write a letter to my boss, begging him to come back to work and hire me back. The stranger is just watching me as he brings in boxes.

My dad comes in and talks to the stranger. And I’m struggling with the letter. I had put the wrong word down and I couldn’t figure out how to erase it or what words should follow. Tears stream down my face in frustration..

Stranger “Is she okay?”

Dad “she will be. She keeps trying to write a letter to an old friend but can’t seem to do it.”

Dad kneels down by me and says “She hasn’t been right in the head since it happened”

I cry harder and harder and that’s when I woke up and yes, I was crying. I don’t know what happened to me but I know the feeling of the mental state I had in that dream. Thoughts all jumbled, I couldn’t do simple tasks sometimes, and with the family talking about me like that with me in the room with them… yea it was a bad dream.

I usually share my dreams with my family but I didn't want to share this one with them. It puts them in a bad light and I know this wasn't them at all. Besides, I think it would just make my parents worry about me which they don't need. So this dream is just between between my friends and me and you, the unknown readers.

Last Night's Dream

I have to share this dream I had last night.. very strange, even for me. LOL

The dream started with me sharing a hotel room with a co-worker. The room walls were a very deep maroon color, almost black. The bed spread was a shiny metallic dark red color. The room was one big long room, but with a step going down into a living room area where there was a tan couch and a big TV. The TV was also a monitor for a hidden computer with the keyboard and mouse sitting on the coffee table by the couch. I sat down and started playing with the computer. I launched the Internet explorer to go to my email and their home page was a welcome page “Welcome to our hotel. For your enjoyment, we have selected this event especially for you.” I clicked on the link below that line and started reading up on this event. Evidently, I had to solve a riddle and if I solved it, I got to see a special video of my Grandfather being a guest on the Steve Martin show. LOL I don’t know if Steve Martin ever had a TV show but my grandpa was going to do a magical act on the show. Of course, I just had to see the video so I read where to start the riddle. The webpage said there was a rock on the dresser that had the next clue.

So I go to the dresser and pick up the rock and I was transported to some kind of Aztec Stone maze. I started walking through the maze and I had to dodge fireballs, arrows and skeletons. Very odd. The scene cut to me solving the riddle somehow and being able to watch the video of Grandpa on the Steve Martin show. Grandpa walked on stage and after a quick chat with his host, he proceeded to do a classic act of disappearing assistant and have her reappear. Only the act went wrong and the assistant wouldn’t reappear. Come to find out, that assistant was never heard from again and this video clip was never aired because of that. Judging by the set of the show, it was taped in late 70’s.

I wanted to show the video to a friend so I left the hotel room and got her, Michelle. When we came back to the hotel room, the video was gone and I had to solve the riddle again to watch the video again. So Michelle and I started the riddle off and again we were in the Aztec maze. This time, when we got to the end of the maze, it opened up into an area with William Shatner standing at the bass of a pyramid with torches near him and jungle scenery around him and it was night time.

We talked to William Shatner and told him what was going on and he explained he was a type of host of the riddle. While Michelle talked to him, I turned and saw a large fenced off area with kittens and ferrets playing together. It was really cute but had no place in this dream. LOL After playing with the animals, I turn back to Michelle and she had William Shatner in a neck hold and forced him to agree to show us how to solve this riddle. So he brought out a couple of double barreled sawed off shot guns and gave one to me. Then he proceeded to shoot me with one. Only it fired beebees. It hurt like Hell though at such a close range. I shot him back and we proceeded with the riddle.

Next thing I know, we are all in dark house with no power, no flash lights, with ghosts around us. Very spooky scene. I suddenly hear a very loud buzz by my ear and it is the larged bee I have ever seen, think hummingbird size. The bee was chasing me and after I swatted it a couple of times, it got stuck in a spider web near the ceiling.
That is when I woke up.

A Date to Remember

I'm at my desk at work and I have one of those day calendars that still had Friday the 10th as the date. I flipped forward a couple of days to today's date and realized today is an anniversary of sorts. One year ago today, right about at this time, my parents were trying to get in touch with me. I do remember my mom on the cell phone saying "Stay where you are. Dad's on his way." Next thing I remember is opening the front door to see a bald police man standing there with paramedics behind him and my dad behind them. Evidently, it took them a lot of talking to convince me to open the door. Then I remember being on the stretcher and in the ambulance on my way to the hospital.

One year ago today, I had Viral Meningitis. Doctors at the time that I was admitted, didn't know if I had Encephalitis, Bacterial or Viral Meningitis. They didn't actually say it was Viral Meningitis until the 3rd day I was in the hospital. They were close to saying I had Encephalitis which is worse.

I know I need to let go of what happened but look at it from my point of view. It was the first time I had ever stayed in a hospital, I literally lost my mind and didn't know who anybody was and didn't know how to do simple things like turn the heat down or put a barrette in my hair. I had a fever of 102 and my normal temp is around 96 so I was very delirious. I also lost 9 pounds in the 4 days I was in the hospital because I couldn't keep anything down. I have very few memories of my battle with meningitis but what I do remember, I wish I didn't.

I had to be restrained in the hospital bed because I kept trying to leave. I remember those straps on my wrists and ankles. I believe I also had to be sedated. I remember the Doctors asking me what the date was and I said February 2005. I remember seeing my Dad burst into tears by my bed.

I also remember saying "I love you" a lot. According to my family, I said it to everybody who came near me. Doctors, nurses, and family members. That's the only good thing that happened.
After being admitted Sunday to the hospital, I was released the following Wednesday. I was only released because I forced myself to eat and was lucky enough the food stayed down. I was so exhausted and had no energy. I remember my parents taking me to the pharmacy on the way home from hospital, but don't remember for what medication.

I was out of work for about a month because of this sickness. Even though the meningitis was gone, I still had no energy and took many naps during the day and still had a headache from it. Then of course there were the many follow up appointments with my own doctor who had to run her own tests and be sure I was okay.

I was supposed to be on vacation April 13th through the 18th last year. I was supposed to go pick up my parents and we were going to drive to Las Vegas. So when I didn't show up at my parents doorstep, they called me. If they hadn't called me and figured out something was wrong, then who knows what would have happened. I had kept telling my mom that I had to go work and that's why she kept telling me to stay where I was. If I had gotten behind the wheel in that state of mind, I surely would have caused an accident.

It took me nearly all year to get over the fear of getting sick again. Scratch that, I'm not over that fear. I will always be afraid of getting Viral Meningitis again but now, at least I can shake a person's hand. The doctors told me that somebody probably had a cold or respiratory infection and when it got to me, my screwed up immune system mutated it and turned into the meningitis. Because of that, I will always have that fear of getting sick again.

I will always remember April 2008. I will always remember what it did to me and my family. In the future, I will try not to get choked up when remembering what happened.

A new Dream

The Dream begins with me watching TV in my apartment. It was a news story about a young American Indian girl (about 9 or 10 years old) who’s mother just died in a car accident. The girl knew she had a grandmother but couldn’t didn’t know her name (other than Grandma) or where she lived. This was a follow up story for they found the Grandmother’s house and they were surprising the girl with a reunion. As the news crew and the young girl arrived at the house, the girl recognized it immediately and jumped out of the car and started running to the house, yelling “Grandma!”. It was an old house with wood painted white but the pain was flaking off. Before the girl could reunite with Grandma, I shut the tv off.

The dream jumps ahead a bit. In the dream, I woke up to go to the bathroom and when I got back to bed, there were 3 small mirrors in my bed. You know the kind of make up mirrors on a stand like this one? Each Mirror was slightly different but this gives you an example.


I stared at the mirrors for a minute and looked at Pipsqueek who was sleeping peacefully. I picked up the mirrors and put them on a dresser nearby. In my sleepy state in the dream, It didn’t occur to me that I didn’t own these mirrors in the first place and they shouldn’t even be in my apartment. After putting the mirrors on the dresser, I crawled into bed. As I relaxed to get back to sleep, it suddenly dawned on me…“wait, where did that dresser come from?” I don’t own a dresser like that, it was hip height and about 4 feet wide. I sat up and looked at the dresser and then saw a large mirror just above the dresser. I started to freak out. “What’s going on? That’s not my mirror or dresser?” I jumped out of bed and went to the dresser and ran my hand on it to verify it was really there. “Calm down. It’s just furniture. Furniture that appeared out of nowhere!”

I turned back to the bed and those 3 make up mirrors were back on my bed. I was truly scared at this point. I looked at the mirrors on my bed and then at the mirror above the dresser and suddenly I just knew… The mirrors and the dresser belonged to the mother of that young girl I saw on TV. I was terrified. I looked up at the mirror above the dresser and saw the shape of a woman. It was completely black so I saw no details, just the shape but the shape appeared to come closer and closer in the mirror.

And that is when I woke up.. When I woke up, I was actually still scared and sweating beyond belief. I don’t know what it was about this dream that scared me so much but as I wandered to the bathroom without turning any lights on, I avoided looking at my mirror.

Uuuuhh... insert witty title here

So I'm sitting here at work and wondering what I can post here next when something just popped into my head. Don't know where it came from or what to do with it but here it is. lol

When the night falls
And darkness calls
Beware of those that lurk
And of the evil that works
In the dark of night
Ready to give you a fright.

Happiness is....

Happiness is discovering that the abscess has reduced and basically gone away on it's own so I don't have to go to the dentist this week.

Yesterday, I found an abscess on my upper gum near a bad tooth. I knew I had to call a dentist and make an appointment. Sounds easy, right? Well, add in a fear of dentists and the unnatural needles in mouths and what not, and it's not easy anymore. I was dreading it.
Well, I settled on a dentist to call, took a couple advil and went to bed. This morning, the abscess was still there at 5am. I took a couple more advil, rinced my mouth with warm water and strong mouth wash (oh that burned!!!) and by 7am, I thought "am I imaging things or is the abscess smaller?" by 9am, the abscess was gone completely.

So I am happy! I get to put off a trip to the dentist until next week. It was just bad timing this week because I'm swamped at work! and really, that's not just an excuse. just too many things going on at work.

Just thought I'd share a bit of happiness...

Just when you think you are over something, it comes back to scare you

As my friends may remember, in April 2008, I had viral meningitis which hospitalized me for 4 days and made me miss work for 4 weeks. As a result of that, I became afraid to touch people or touch things they touched in case there were germs on them. I have a screwed up immune system and the doctors said that somebody probably had a cold at work or at a grocery store, and because I'm screwed up, my body turned it into viral meningitis. So I did whatever I could to avoid being around sick people and kept hand santizers with me at all times. I didn't even want to hug my niece and nephews because let's face it, kids are germ factories.

I forced myself to get over that fear that I could get meningitis from anybody or anything at anytime. I realized I didn't have any control over it and if it happens again, it just happens. I thought I was okay with it. Until now..

Yesterday morning I woke up with a cold. sore throat, runny nose, fever. Immediately my fears came rushing back at me. I calmed myself after reviewing my symptoms and reminded myself that it's just a cold. Then later in the day, I had an upset stomach and a headache and a sore neck, just like I did with the meningitis. I took my temperature constantly yesterday. Even this morning, first thing I did was take my temperature and make sure I could move my neck alright.

I took yesterday off from work but I’m at work now for a half day. As I write this, I’m wishing I had my thermometer with me. A normal temp for me is 96 degrees. When I had meningitis, my temp soared to 102. Yesterday, it was 98.1. so I had a small fever yesterday. Today, no fever but still I want that thermometer to be sure. lol

I hate having this fear that I'll get meningitis again. I don't wish that sickness on anybody. When I had it, I was literally out of my mind. I remember bits and pieces of that time but what I do remember, I don't like. If it had just attacked my body, I wouldn't still be afraid. It's the fact that it attacked my mind too. I don't want to lose my mind again.

I haven't told my parents that I have a cold because they share the same fears I do. I am still fighting my fears. I know that a majority of the people who had Viral Meningitis never get it again but I know people who have had it more than once. And since I'm soooooo lucky to have a screwed up immune system, chances are I'll get it again.

So I am struggling with my own fears today and the fears will probably always come up whenever I get a cold or something else And that makes me sad. I need to learn to deal with this. Since I'm taking a half day from work, I am going to go to the grocery store on my way home and get some medicine and try not to think about the germs on the shopping carts.

Zombie Dream

As my friends know, I usually have some pretty weird dreams. But it seems my dreams have been affected by the writer's block as well. My dreams have been pretty tame lately compared to the ones I used to have. Until last night....

Here's my latest weird dream.

Last night, I dreamed that I was riding around in an old pick up truck with my boss and a dog he found. We had to go to a certain field and do some clean up work. At least that's what we were told by our boss. When we get to the field, we find it's over run with zombies and bodies everywhere. The field was enclosed with a fence to keep the mindless drooling zombies in and it was our job to do the cleanup. So my boss looks in the back of the pick up truck where he was told the tools for the cleanup job were and finds 2 shotguns and enough ammo to take out the state of Colorado. lol

My boss looks at me and says "Well, let's get started." and he loads the shotguns. I'm just in standing there in shock until he hands me a shotgun and I scream at him. "What the hell is going on? Where did these zombies come from and does Scott really expect us to 'clean up'? He's flipped.. that's it.. he's looney... or maybe I am..."

Boss looks at me and says "Katie, do you want to keep your job? Then you have to do whatever Headquarters says."

I yell back at him "But where did these zombies come from?"

He puts ammo in his pockets and says "I don't know and I don't care. Let's get this over with."

So I put tons of ammo in my pockets and boss walks over to the fence and calmly blows the head off the nearest zombie. This got the rest of the zombies worked up and into a frenzy. They come over the fence and try to break through. He reloads his shotgun and takes out another one.

Finally I join in and start taking out zombies but I noticed the fence is coming loose with all the zombies rocking it and trying to get at us.

"Rick, we should get out of here!" I yell at him.. and we start backing up towards the truck and still firing away.

And that's when I woke up.

So I leave you now with that dream and this picture I made. It's okay to wonder about me.. I wonder about myself sometimes. lol

Souls in the Night

Today, I thought I'd post one of my favorite poems, if not the top favorite. It's called Souls in the Night and it touches me. I remember feelings of sadness and relief when I wrote this but that could be tied to the Ghostly Influence I mentioned in an earlier post.

Now for this poem, I made 4 different pictures to go with it but I keep coming back to this one.



These are the other three pictures I made for it. I really don't like any of them and I gave up trying to find the perfect picture for this poem. Nothing I tried really fits the poem. That's why I usually keep the first one as my favorite. I feel it's missing something but until I figure out what it is, get that Aha! feeling when discovering the perfect picture, that first one above will be it.



As always, click the pictures to see full size and comments are very much welcomed.

Long time no post

Hello all, it's been a year since I last posted and boy I guess I was extremely stressed out. lol I may start blogging again, I don't know yet. Just maybe it will help me get my creative juices flowing again. I've been in one hell of a writer's block for the past year and just haven't had anything to write. I miss it, but still can't think of anything to write for poetry or story wise.

So, I'll post a couple of my old things I call Poem Art. My poetry on pictures that I've severely doctored up and put together in Photoshop and paintshop. I'll post the thumbnails here and you can click on them to see full size. These three are among my favorite ones.

Enjoy!